Lazy Saturday... but I liked it.
I cleaned my room today and I was so happy with myself :)
The hifi-system was finally wired up and singing Class 95 happily and yup, all my papers and bills were packed neatly into their files.
I saw Pak Kay's postcards and love notes for me when we were still younger back in 2003. Ha! And, I cried reading those notes. Funny how easy it was to forget the sweet memories we had and to dwell on the maddening incidents which occasionally sprang up.
When we started dating, he was in Birmingham UK doing his NUS student exchange programme while I was studying for exams here. We were separated by 12 hours, when it was my studying time, it was his sleeping time... we smsed each other when we woke up in the morning, when we went to sleep, wishing every moment that he would be back in Singapore asap! We even arranged for his date of arrival to be on our first month anniversary. But it was changed at the last minute...
I would look up into the sky and tell him to look out for the moon 12 hours later because it was too beautiful. Funny, but we were looking at the same moon but separated by thousand of miles.
We would go online to chat with each other before we went out to study or went to bed. For him, I would sacrifice my sleep so that I could start my day feeling loved and end my day feeling wanted too. 12 hours away, he in Birmingham will do the same too.
Once, I had a bad nightmare and woke up in the middle of the night. I smsed him and the next thing I knew, he called me to ask me if I was ok. Ah! I almost melted in my bed.......
We counted 1, 2 and 3, closed eyes, hands on the keyboard and started playing the Winter Sonata song so that for that few minutes or so, we were doing the same thing together although we were not physically. The feeling was magical. It might look funny but I really felt as if he was there with me...
Then he sent flowers to me on our first month anniversary. It was raining that day and I was looking out for the deliveryman. The roses were so beautiful.....
There were also postcards to look out for when he went away for touring around Europe after his exam. I cleared the mailbox personally each other and every other hour, I would check for sms. I would wonder what he was doing, if he was safe driving and when he would be sending me messages... I told him he had to send me two messages a day so that I can be sure that he was all safe because there was no way he could come online to chat with me.
Then, before he came back, I went to Changi Terminal One to check out where he would come out from the airport. Rehearsing where I should stand so that I could see him first thing when he came out. I did not go to Airport once for rehearsal, I went back thrice. And every time I imagined how the day he came back to me would turned out, I had to force myself not to giggle out. Because I was alone and everyone else around would think that I was a lunatic laughing to myself. But hey, they won't understand how happy I was.........
He said he loved me and we would celebrate many many more anniversaries together. He said our story would be beautiful and long........
I believe him and I still do.
Sunday, 18 January 2009
Thursday, 15 January 2009
For Yiru, Iris, Yihui, Elaine, Teeli, Desmond and Pal
Really, if not because I saw the blog message, I would have headed straight towards facebook to upload my Greece photos.
So, yup, not bad, I still have a very few visitors to my blog, but never mind, as long as there is someone, I would do it for you. Who else wants dedication? Haha :)
Anyway, updates or Ms Tan's stories? How about updates but where shall I start before I start to bore you?
Year 2008 ended with many uncertainties, and yes, year 2009 started with the same boredom and resistance. Work is not something which I looked forward to anymore, and so I started to dream... not really dream, I started to do something to my new year resolutions.
License, not really yet. I tried to go for one lesson but ended cancelling it. Why? Because the instructor's was stationed in the East, to be more specific, in Ubi/Eunos. I thought it was alright to take train to Eunos and just go for 1.5 hour of lesson and head home... but Pak Kay and other friends reminded me that the journey itself would demotivate me because it was really very far!!! So, to save myself the trouble of training bus to MRT station, then from Lakeside to Eunos (worse, take bus to Ubi driving centre), I thought I would try to hide for an instructor in the West. I am barely two months at the new address, and since for the past almost 30 years I was in the East, I am really lost when it comes to finding someone to teach a clumsy girl.
And, I had started writing something!!! Muhahahaha! I started off on the new itouch before I go to bed when I remembered. Stuck. Because, I don't know what I want to write about. Guess I am trained to think of the unique selling point, and I had not have a theme in mind yet. No storyboard, just the name of the female lead. I had a few paragraphs of something and it was really not easy to be a writer. Just how did they spin things out from the air? Of course, romance stories are more or less the same, male lead is handsome, aloof, rich, proud, charimastic and smart, female lead is pretty, witty, sensitive, emotional, sensual, protective and the female always end up bringing out the best in the male. Detective stories... hard to write anything, because I do not follow news and Crime Watch, how to write something when I couldn't imagine a murder scene??! Sigh, so still stuck with no storyboard... think out of the box, think out of the box!!!
O! I just started my first Japanese class tonight!!!! Hehe... wa, I am very stressed because I am really learning too slow :( Pak Kay, A-mei (my cousin) and Huat (my cousin-in-law) signed up for the Beginner 1 course too. Pak Kay has phD (YEAH! He finally passed and is done with phD... I wonder when I can be Mrs Dr Tang... mmm...), A-mei has a 2nd class honours, Huat has a Master... all of them had such good track records, and I was just a Pass with Merit :( sigh... then during the class, they caught on faster too, they were on par with the sensei when we practised writing the Kirigana and I only had time to copy down the pronounication and I had so many blanks! Low morale.. I really have to work harder... Watashi wa work harder desu. Hahahahaha.
As for the travelling around the world part, I guess I will just have to enjoy the moments of uploading my Greece photos onto Facebook for the time being. I am so tempted to join Sharon and the girls for the trip to Japan in April but... I guess, let's save the money.
Hehe, I think I love Pak Kay a little more each day :p
So mushy...
But I like... Haha...
We talked about us, FINALLY, after being together for almost six years now. Not that I am looking forward to getting married, but at least, I got him talking about his plans and I told him my plans too.
"I want to talk to you." I said one night when he was at my place.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.
"How old am I now?" I asked innocently.
"30," he said in a flat tone, paying attention to Baby and Maomao (both softtoys) than to me.
"Huh? How old am I?" I thought the politically correct answer should be 29 although I just turned 28 like less than 3 months ago..
"30!" he repeated. Damn! Ok, never mind, some people are supertitous when it comes to those ages near the end of the decade.
"How old are you?" I asked, changing topic.
"30."
"If you had a chance to go overseas to study, and I said I won't be going with you, will you still go?"
"Huh.. maybe lor... dunno, see first."
"What if I say I would go with you?"
"Is it? Then we go lor!!" he said excitedly.
"So, if you are 30 now, after your bond, you will be 32 and I will be 31. If you still have to do two years of MBA, by the time you finished with MBA, you will be 34 and me 33. Are you going to marry me?" I asked, slowly pulling him into my trap...
"Ya la!" he replied, still playing with the toys.
"When are you going to marry me then?"
"This year lor," he replied shyly.
"Do you have intention to have the wedding dinner? You can't get married as and when you want and expect there to be a hotel available for the dinner." I argued irritated.
"ROM this year then dinner next year lor!"
Gotcha! :p
"Then when are we going to have babies?"
"When you are 31 or so lor."
"So, you have no intention to save two person's time after marrying???" I want to faint...
"Then babies when you are 32 or 33 lor." O no, I am going to be a old mummy :(
"Ok.. then if you are going to study MBA overseas, who will take care of the baby?"
"You!"
"Idiot! I don't have to work is it?"
"Then I take care lor."
"You don't have to study hor?"
"Aiya, then we take turns lor!" As if things are so simple....
"So, when are you going to propose to me????!" I probed. Haha.
"How can you be so thick-skinned?" he was half shocked and half shy.
"It is not the first time that I asked you this question."
.......
That conversation had kept me happy for a long time... still happy... :D
We are doing more things together now. We are planning to go exercise together, maybe sign up for a gym package but how come they are all located in or near town? I have to take almost an hour to reach home :( no motivation... we are also taking Japanese together.... we have dinner together more often now too, because Mummy has to work, I can't cook for nuts, hence no dinner at home. So although Pak Kay's mother's cooking style isn't exactly the top on my list, I can save alot of money eating at his place leh :p plus, he can drive me home after that.. hehe, more time together :p
I want to be a xin fu xiao nu er... but can I choose not to cook? Haha.
So, yup, not bad, I still have a very few visitors to my blog, but never mind, as long as there is someone, I would do it for you. Who else wants dedication? Haha :)
Anyway, updates or Ms Tan's stories? How about updates but where shall I start before I start to bore you?
Year 2008 ended with many uncertainties, and yes, year 2009 started with the same boredom and resistance. Work is not something which I looked forward to anymore, and so I started to dream... not really dream, I started to do something to my new year resolutions.
License, not really yet. I tried to go for one lesson but ended cancelling it. Why? Because the instructor's was stationed in the East, to be more specific, in Ubi/Eunos. I thought it was alright to take train to Eunos and just go for 1.5 hour of lesson and head home... but Pak Kay and other friends reminded me that the journey itself would demotivate me because it was really very far!!! So, to save myself the trouble of training bus to MRT station, then from Lakeside to Eunos (worse, take bus to Ubi driving centre), I thought I would try to hide for an instructor in the West. I am barely two months at the new address, and since for the past almost 30 years I was in the East, I am really lost when it comes to finding someone to teach a clumsy girl.
And, I had started writing something!!! Muhahahaha! I started off on the new itouch before I go to bed when I remembered. Stuck. Because, I don't know what I want to write about. Guess I am trained to think of the unique selling point, and I had not have a theme in mind yet. No storyboard, just the name of the female lead. I had a few paragraphs of something and it was really not easy to be a writer. Just how did they spin things out from the air? Of course, romance stories are more or less the same, male lead is handsome, aloof, rich, proud, charimastic and smart, female lead is pretty, witty, sensitive, emotional, sensual, protective and the female always end up bringing out the best in the male. Detective stories... hard to write anything, because I do not follow news and Crime Watch, how to write something when I couldn't imagine a murder scene??! Sigh, so still stuck with no storyboard... think out of the box, think out of the box!!!
O! I just started my first Japanese class tonight!!!! Hehe... wa, I am very stressed because I am really learning too slow :( Pak Kay, A-mei (my cousin) and Huat (my cousin-in-law) signed up for the Beginner 1 course too. Pak Kay has phD (YEAH! He finally passed and is done with phD... I wonder when I can be Mrs Dr Tang... mmm...), A-mei has a 2nd class honours, Huat has a Master... all of them had such good track records, and I was just a Pass with Merit :( sigh... then during the class, they caught on faster too, they were on par with the sensei when we practised writing the Kirigana and I only had time to copy down the pronounication and I had so many blanks! Low morale.. I really have to work harder... Watashi wa work harder desu. Hahahahaha.
As for the travelling around the world part, I guess I will just have to enjoy the moments of uploading my Greece photos onto Facebook for the time being. I am so tempted to join Sharon and the girls for the trip to Japan in April but... I guess, let's save the money.
Hehe, I think I love Pak Kay a little more each day :p
So mushy...
But I like... Haha...
We talked about us, FINALLY, after being together for almost six years now. Not that I am looking forward to getting married, but at least, I got him talking about his plans and I told him my plans too.
"I want to talk to you." I said one night when he was at my place.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.
"How old am I now?" I asked innocently.
"30," he said in a flat tone, paying attention to Baby and Maomao (both softtoys) than to me.
"Huh? How old am I?" I thought the politically correct answer should be 29 although I just turned 28 like less than 3 months ago..
"30!" he repeated. Damn! Ok, never mind, some people are supertitous when it comes to those ages near the end of the decade.
"How old are you?" I asked, changing topic.
"30."
"If you had a chance to go overseas to study, and I said I won't be going with you, will you still go?"
"Huh.. maybe lor... dunno, see first."
"What if I say I would go with you?"
"Is it? Then we go lor!!" he said excitedly.
"So, if you are 30 now, after your bond, you will be 32 and I will be 31. If you still have to do two years of MBA, by the time you finished with MBA, you will be 34 and me 33. Are you going to marry me?" I asked, slowly pulling him into my trap...
"Ya la!" he replied, still playing with the toys.
"When are you going to marry me then?"
"This year lor," he replied shyly.
"Do you have intention to have the wedding dinner? You can't get married as and when you want and expect there to be a hotel available for the dinner." I argued irritated.
"ROM this year then dinner next year lor!"
Gotcha! :p
"Then when are we going to have babies?"
"When you are 31 or so lor."
"So, you have no intention to save two person's time after marrying???" I want to faint...
"Then babies when you are 32 or 33 lor." O no, I am going to be a old mummy :(
"Ok.. then if you are going to study MBA overseas, who will take care of the baby?"
"You!"
"Idiot! I don't have to work is it?"
"Then I take care lor."
"You don't have to study hor?"
"Aiya, then we take turns lor!" As if things are so simple....
"So, when are you going to propose to me????!" I probed. Haha.
"How can you be so thick-skinned?" he was half shocked and half shy.
"It is not the first time that I asked you this question."
.......
That conversation had kept me happy for a long time... still happy... :D
We are doing more things together now. We are planning to go exercise together, maybe sign up for a gym package but how come they are all located in or near town? I have to take almost an hour to reach home :( no motivation... we are also taking Japanese together.... we have dinner together more often now too, because Mummy has to work, I can't cook for nuts, hence no dinner at home. So although Pak Kay's mother's cooking style isn't exactly the top on my list, I can save alot of money eating at his place leh :p plus, he can drive me home after that.. hehe, more time together :p
I want to be a xin fu xiao nu er... but can I choose not to cook? Haha.
Thursday, 1 January 2009
1st January 2009
Hey, hey, there! I am back from dormant state.... Not sure if my followers are still there. Knock, knock, anybody there??
Anyway, how was your 2008? Mine?
Nothing much to wow about. Is there any way I can tell the whole world that I have left teaching? Exactly how many people have I told that I was a teacher back then? And exactly how many did I missed out not updating? Not that I am irritated with friends who asked for updates, but I wonder how long do I have to continue to tell them "Erm, actually I have left and moved on since 2007..."
And holy cow, I hate 2009 already! Why? Because I just had my 28th birthday and if you look at my IC, would you think I just turned 28 or will you quickly do the Mathematics and conclude "she is 29."
UGH!!!!!!
2008 did not end on a good note.
First, I had overspent by almost 6x my average record and I am panicking on how I am going to clear that Citibank credit card bill...
Second, I had lost my soul for my job since I came back from Greece in November. Nothing fantastic happened, yeah, it is the first time I spent my birthday overseas and Athens decided to give me a surprise gift by a metro strike on my birthday. Yeah, there was no public train transport that day, we walked almost 4 stations. Not bad, it was a beautiful city. Remind me to write about Greece, I love and miss it.
Third, I am restless and want a change! Yes, again....
Someone asked me these two questions just before Christmas this year and left me with the most unhappy Christmas ever since I became aware of what this public holiday is about.
"Pau Ling, so are you happy? [waiting for my answer, I mumbled something...] Is this what you really want? [he caught me dumbfounded....]"
Yeah, that is it.
2008 left me unhappy, unsatisfied, lost and blind...
Why do we have desires? Why do we always wish that we know what we want and that we can get what we want? Why does time have to fly so fast? Why isn't there a time machine to bring us back to where we would want to start over a certain chapter? Why do we exist at all?
Guess these are difficult questions....
I think I am really restless. I have so many things on my new year resolution list:
1. I want to get that damned driving lesson by June this year!
2. I want to write a book to kick my imagination machine running again, it died on me years ago..
3. I want to learn a third language to keep myself entertained.
4. I want to learn cooking cos I can't go beyond preparing instant noodles.
5. I want to learn to play a musical instrument because I suddenly feel like wanting to write songs too.
6. I want to know the history of all the different civilisations around us. Religions too. Maybe go study history although the thought of sitting for exam is freaking me out big time.
7. I want to travel around the world because our pace of living is too fast, I wonder why we are always moving so fast for... Breathe in how other people live their lives, sip a cup of coffee, drink some red wine, wait for sun to set..
8. I want to start my own business although I do not know what I am good at so that I can leverage on it and make my passion my bread and butter.
A pretty long list, yea? Not in the right order of priority, but of course that driving license is top on the list.
I was thinking if I should really start writing something... with me being so long-winded, I bet no one will have the patience to finish reading through anything I penned down.
Ha!
If you made it through to this point, I want to say "Thank You" for bearing with my whiny and pessimistic thoughts.
I am just not coherent now. But I thought it is time I update my blog.
To all my ex-students: Sorry Miss Tan is way off from the usual chirpy self. Don't be like me okie? You should be happy that you are growing another year wiser instead of dreading that school is going to start soon.
Ok, I shall go figure out my thoughts and bounce back to be a responsible and cheerful girl soon!
Love all of ya and of course missing you too!
Anyway, how was your 2008? Mine?
Nothing much to wow about. Is there any way I can tell the whole world that I have left teaching? Exactly how many people have I told that I was a teacher back then? And exactly how many did I missed out not updating? Not that I am irritated with friends who asked for updates, but I wonder how long do I have to continue to tell them "Erm, actually I have left and moved on since 2007..."
And holy cow, I hate 2009 already! Why? Because I just had my 28th birthday and if you look at my IC, would you think I just turned 28 or will you quickly do the Mathematics and conclude "she is 29."
UGH!!!!!!
2008 did not end on a good note.
First, I had overspent by almost 6x my average record and I am panicking on how I am going to clear that Citibank credit card bill...
Second, I had lost my soul for my job since I came back from Greece in November. Nothing fantastic happened, yeah, it is the first time I spent my birthday overseas and Athens decided to give me a surprise gift by a metro strike on my birthday. Yeah, there was no public train transport that day, we walked almost 4 stations. Not bad, it was a beautiful city. Remind me to write about Greece, I love and miss it.
Third, I am restless and want a change! Yes, again....
Someone asked me these two questions just before Christmas this year and left me with the most unhappy Christmas ever since I became aware of what this public holiday is about.
"Pau Ling, so are you happy? [waiting for my answer, I mumbled something...] Is this what you really want? [he caught me dumbfounded....]"
Yeah, that is it.
2008 left me unhappy, unsatisfied, lost and blind...
Why do we have desires? Why do we always wish that we know what we want and that we can get what we want? Why does time have to fly so fast? Why isn't there a time machine to bring us back to where we would want to start over a certain chapter? Why do we exist at all?
Guess these are difficult questions....
I think I am really restless. I have so many things on my new year resolution list:
1. I want to get that damned driving lesson by June this year!
2. I want to write a book to kick my imagination machine running again, it died on me years ago..
3. I want to learn a third language to keep myself entertained.
4. I want to learn cooking cos I can't go beyond preparing instant noodles.
5. I want to learn to play a musical instrument because I suddenly feel like wanting to write songs too.
6. I want to know the history of all the different civilisations around us. Religions too. Maybe go study history although the thought of sitting for exam is freaking me out big time.
7. I want to travel around the world because our pace of living is too fast, I wonder why we are always moving so fast for... Breathe in how other people live their lives, sip a cup of coffee, drink some red wine, wait for sun to set..
8. I want to start my own business although I do not know what I am good at so that I can leverage on it and make my passion my bread and butter.
A pretty long list, yea? Not in the right order of priority, but of course that driving license is top on the list.
I was thinking if I should really start writing something... with me being so long-winded, I bet no one will have the patience to finish reading through anything I penned down.
Ha!
If you made it through to this point, I want to say "Thank You" for bearing with my whiny and pessimistic thoughts.
I am just not coherent now. But I thought it is time I update my blog.
To all my ex-students: Sorry Miss Tan is way off from the usual chirpy self. Don't be like me okie? You should be happy that you are growing another year wiser instead of dreading that school is going to start soon.
Ok, I shall go figure out my thoughts and bounce back to be a responsible and cheerful girl soon!
Love all of ya and of course missing you too!
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