Shooting Stars

I woke up in the morning after a demoralising dream - I dreamt that my boss sent an email to tell me that I am lousy... - and began my Saturday with my driving lesson at 8am. We roamed quite far, from Eunos to Bedok, to Siglap and then back to Eunos. Mr Toh had originally wanted me to drive him to the petrol station BUT in the end, for reasons unknown to us, we can't find any petrol stations along the route I took, haha.

Anyway, BB brought me to watch 'Shooting Stars', a Cantonese musical at Downtown East yesterday. Both tickets cost $130+ and the ironical part is: I can't understand Cantonese...

It was a musical, featuring 40 golden hits from Canto history-making singers, Danny Tan and Leslie Cheung. Of course, the only reason I was there was because my BB was Leslie's fan and how can a loving gf leaves her darling BB go to the musical alone.. Moreover, he pays! Hahahhahaa!

BB shows appreciation to non-conventional songs, and he likes the songs because the lyrics are meaningful. O, of course S.H.E. is an exception because no one can resist the attraction of the 3 pretty girls right?

Luckily there was translation available and really, the songs had meaningful lyrics not like some of the catchy songs on radio nowadays. What is lao shu ai da mi??? Senseless lyrics.. Guo Mei Mei has a good voice, she ought to do better than that. Agree?

The musical linked up the story of the two shooting stars together with their buddy, Paul, a former famous HK DJ. The fate of the Musketeers was the same - like shooting stars, they ended their stardom life at the peak of their careers. Paul, because of his mounting debts from stock gambling, jumped down from his apartment. Danny, because of his depression, died from an overdose of drugs. Leslie, because of his depression, like his buddy Paul, jumped down from his apartment. Coincidentally, Leslie's death date was April Fool's Day 2003.

Why do some people choose to end their lives in the most silly ways? Perhaps we never did understand the immense amount of pressure that they were undergoing, that's why we would never know why they commit suicide.

FYI, ending your own life is a criminal crime. Although it is your life, you do not own it. I was told that the deceased will be handcuffed. It is such a degrading moment in your life isn't it, though you won't be able to witness the scene.

Every problem has its solution. Like Kok Shen reminded us, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Life is a journey... During the journey, there will be beautiful scenery, pretty flowers, animals and trees, clean and fresh air to breathe. Occasional thunderstorms and showers are nature's way to balance the ecosystem. The journey will seem harder to tread on but when the thunderstorms are over, the air smells even fresher than before, the fields look greener, the chirping of the birds sound happier. The land looks cleaner when the sun shines after the rain. Whether the destination is reached at the end of the journey is a bonus because along the way, new lands are discovered, new friends are made and new routes will be crafted.

Of course life must have a goal but when the goals are not met, we don't have to cry and give ourselves so much pressure isn't it?

I am not trying to advocate that a stree-free society is good. No competition = no improvement in quality of life. But to be overwhelmed by the desire for for more power and money, the reason why the journey of life is started is not aligned anymore.

There must be a reason why God or Deity created mankind isn't it?

Work ---> BIG SIGH

Things aren't very rosy at work recently.

Work had since started to pick up its tempo in October and there I was, finding myself immersed in work again. I still bring things back home to do but it is not endless marking now. Instead, I bring back work which requires me to use my brain to think and strategise.

I was hired by my boss to start a few new projects in my school. The first is Graduate Diploma and Master and the second is workshops. Both projects are new to the university and I am put in charge to administer it and support my dean and programme director to push it to market.

The first GD/Master was scheduled to start in Feb 2008 but due to poor take up rate, it has to be postponed to July 2008. The first workshop which was scheduled to take place next Wednesday and Thursday had to be shelved till March 2008 due to poor take up rate again.

I feel like a jinx.. I am really upset.. I jokingly told my dean that and he said if that is really the case, then he will transfer me to President's Office. I asked why, he said, "Then the university will close down! I can't wait to get out of this place."

What an encouragement =.="

Sometimes, I really wonder if I am a jinx.

When Jason was with me, he kept failing his NTU examinations and had to repeat 2 years of his studies. Afte we broke up, he graduated from NTU.

Now that I am with Pak Kay, his journal and his phD thesis didn't look right and he constantly met obstacles. I don't know if he can complete his phD by end of next year. He worries about it everyday because A*star's scholarship will cease next year.

When I taught, no matter how hard I tried or how hard my students tried, they always fail Physics. What was the problem? I really have no idea but I can't tell them that... Ms Tan, I really work very hard this time, but still I fail. To this, I can't show disappointment but I had to put up my best smile and show them all my remaining love and encourage them to not give up.

I had the best class ever in my 3 years in teaching but they fell to pit bottom just before I left. I took the wager with my ex-Principal, I told him my class can survive without me. And they did, beautifully. But when I wasn't around...

Sigh...

I have a seminar talk next Saturday and because the confirmation was made recently, the publicity is limited. I am scared that no one will turn up for the seminar so much so that I had to resort to emailing my TKGS/TJC/NUS/NIE/BRD friends and almost begging them to support me.

Godson No. 1 once said I sounded more and more like a insurance person, always selling products. BUT, it is my job scope to make sure that my GD/Master programme and workshop sell!! I would use every opportunity to promote my new projects and even my colleagues are making fun of me sometimes. "There, she is selling her programme again..."

Sigh... There must be a way to promote and sell products isn't it? I was told that other universities put aside $1 million or at least $500k aside for marketing. My own university?? A pathetic $20k!! It is only enough for a 1/2 page 1 spot colour advertisement in Straits Times and Business Times for a day.

WHAT SHALL I DO????

Boss says I must learn to accept failures.

Where is my teacher?? I need someone to encourage and show me love now.