Disappointment is an understatement

Sigh............

It is my 4th driving lesson today and for the first time ever since I started driving, I felt disappointed in my performance.

Strictly speaking, this is the second time I felt disappointed with myself in two days.

The first was yesterday. I had a training session which ended around 1130am. 15 minutes later, I arranged to have lunch with Bao Bei. When I put down the phone, CL gave me a piece of work and said he wanted it ready by 3pm. 'But it is almost lunch time and we have a meeting at 2pm. Do I have to go for that meeting?" I asked. He replied,"Yes, you have to be there so that you will understand what is going to happen. Get this done by 2pm then."

Big SIGH... He stole away my precious lunchtime with my Bao Bei and nonchalently said the work can be done very fast. As if lor! You are not the one doing it, of course you will say that it can be done very fast. He instructed me of how to do the work and seriously, I do not know if it is because I did not take the initiative to see the macro view of the project we are doing or is it his fault that he is mixing up me and my colleague's role again. Come on, whatever he told me to do wasn't my scope at all and he told me to do what my colleague was supposed to do!! Then he said, "You must learn to learn things fast." Wa. First blow. I was already trying very hard to put together what he wanted me to do, considering the fact that that was the first time that I set eyes on the document.

In the end, I did not have lunch until 7pm. Did not finished the work too. And, I took it home to do.

Today. 4th driving lesson. The car's engine died 4 times. My instructor said we will drive to Changi but in the end, I drove around Kebangan and Eunos. When there was no car, I could drive the car quite well but when the traffic increased, I panicked. Really panicked. My feet couldn't follow the instructions from the instructor. It started when we were driving in those small lanes in Kebangan. There was this car approaching mine and I thought I was supposed to stop at the side and let it go pass me (we were in a two lanes road outside a row of bungalows and cars were parked along one side so that leaves one lane for two directions of cars to drive past).

Instructor told me to accelerate because he predicted that the approaching car would stop for me to pass. Bastard driver thought that me, L-plate driver, should stop and let him pass. So, in the end, two cars stuck face to face on a single lane. Never mind, we gave in and so I had to reverse the car. Simi another BMW car suddenly appeared and came closer to my car. Imagine, front and back, there were cars... Naturally I panicked. Simi clutch, stop, accelerator, brake, I don't understand and couldn't undertand and simply couldn't follow. Instructor kept on reassured me that it is ok, "Relax. Do it slowly, I am here to help you."

BUT I REALLY COULDN'T FOLLOW WHAT HE SAID.

It got worse when my car suddenly vibrated so violently. O no, O dear.. I don't know what I did wrong, the car wasn't supposed to vibrate at all! What's wrong? Then, the car died! Recall: I am still between two cars, one in front and one at the rear.

Finally, we managed to get out of the mess when he helped me to drive and flee into another lane. Close shave, I couldn't recall what I did during those less than 5 minutes span of time. REALLY. It is like a loss of memory. I can't remember what I did...

We did not drive to Changi. Disappointed.

Then when we were approaching Eunos MRT, the car died the last time again. And this time, when I re-start the engine, I forgot to press the clutch down and the car wasn't reacting the correct way again. Panicked again because there were so many cars around me and I was in the bus lane, and so close to my destination.

Then when I was driving into the car-park, the car almost went up the kerb because I did not turn the steering wheel back in time. SIGH again...

AH!

This is a totally disappointing day!!!!!!!!! Big blow to my ego.

Before I went off, my instructor told me to go home and practise and observe how other people drive. I have been doing that lor... I always look at how Bao Bei drive but he is always so reckless. Then when I asked him why he drive in that way, he won't explain to me in the gentle way, always in that stern voice. I don't like it when he talked to me in a stern tone. I did looked at how my father drive but his car is auto not manual car..

Whatever, anything... I am just so disappointed with myself.