Mixed feelings & so many events

Many things had happened while I was away. We had a BBQ with 4EA and 4EB on 14 June at ECP, I attended a friend's wedding on the 15 June (my official last day with MOE) and flew to Hong Kong to meet my bf on early 16 June morning for a 5 days holiday break. Came back home early in the wee morning of 21 June and spent the day sleeping and wrapping presents for 4EB. Then 22 June, went back to school for Red Cross Farewell party followed by a pre-employment medical checkup requested by the new job (I discovered that I had grew taller by 2 cm but heavier by 1.5kg now =.=") Saturday 23 June, I went to Ubi Drving Centre for my Advance Theory Test and failed! Damn, they didn't even tell me where I went wrong, basket. No score even, just a big fat FAILED on the computer screen after the test. Then went out with bf to watch Fantastic 4 and came home to play neopets and watched TV.

So Desmond asked, "How is your break so far?" I replied, "Cool!"

Really, I had been thinking of this since the day I finished packing my working table in school. School is starting in one day and for the first time in three years, I feel relaxed and cool about this. In the last 3 years, this is the day that I dread the most, the day just before school term starts. Because I would be panicking over a million things: haven't set exam paper, haven't print worksheets, haven't finish preparing the powerpoint slides, what am I going to do for first day of school, what time am I going to reach home so that I can nap, when is the next holiday and of course the BIGGEST and STUPIDEST question, why does the holiday has to end so fast????

So today, I napped in the afternoon with no guilt and no nothing and went out to watch movie. Totally relaxed. It feels good to be having a break. The dumbest thing is, I thought the whole world is having holiday like me, until it suddenly dawned on me that it wasn't when I saw workers rushing down their company-arranged buses and running to the MRT station, hoping to get home in the fastest time after work on Friday.

So a part of me feels happy that I do not have to go back to school on Monday. But, frankly the other part of me feels pretty empty and lonely. Especially so after the farewell party on Friday. Lindy was so quiet that day. That small little girl, my heart squeezed each time I looked at her eyes. Everyone else were enjoying the pizzas and cakes. So I went up to her and asked her what happened. She looked at me with those teary eyes and tears just flowed down. My goodness! She said no words at all but her eyes asked me a thousand things: Miss Tan, why are you leaving? Can you don't leave? For the first time in my career, I felt like I am a mother, not a sister. I hugged her and she cried. The others looked on and wondered why she was behaving so emotional and dramatic but I can understand why she is crying.

Someone wrote me a thank you letter, thou shall not disclose the name lest you tease this person. In the letter, it wrote: There are many occasions where I thought to myself "How I wish Miss Tan weren't my teacher but perhaps a relative, a cousin or family friend."

Do you know this is exactly why I want to join teaching 4 years back? I want to touch lives, I want to help to change people's lives, I want to leave memorable footprints in other's lives so that if I were to die one day, I know I had done something that I can be proud of. I know my decision to leave is a big loss to you and me, I am fully aware that I am going to miss out a million opportunities to see you grow to be better people. I wished that I could walk alongside you and especially to my form class and other graduating classes, to finish the last lap to the O levels with you. I had took for granted the calling of "Miss Tan" for the last 3 years, and I am really starting to miss you people calling me that. This endearment it seems - is such an honour to hear you call me that because deep down I know, you treat me both like a teacher and a friend. It hurts whenever I see anyone of you cry because I worry that my absence will affect you emotionally too great.

Of course, I know things will always work out fine in the end, whether we worry or do not worry about it. All of us will reach a point whereby we accept the fact that life has to move on and nobody stays with anyone forever.

Just remember that my phone lines are always open for you, if you want to cry, complain or ask for advice. Just a note: currently, my line has NO free incoming calls..

Till we meet again, take care of yourselves and I will take care of myself too!