LAST day of teaching

I began my day with Soek Bing's sms. She told me not to cry in front of 4EB today; don't make parting difficult for them.

I succeeded. Till I saw Poh Leong's panda bear but I shedded tears of joy cos the panda is so CUTE!

Actually, I feel relaxed today. Don't ask why. I have no idea. But perhaps, I am ready for today. I heeded Mrs Tan's advice - I told my 30 darlings the 'bad' news on the last day of school. The moment that I let the words out and ended all speculation of rumours, I felt light-hearted. I no longer feel that I owe them an explanation because I hate to lie. Since the day I got accepted at the new job and decide to resign, I feel like I am just like an actress in front of everyone. I can't tell anyone because I do not want unnecessary disruptions. I had to pretend that everyday was another normal day and we will still meet again in Term 3 and 4 and I will see them till they enter the exam hall for the O levels exam.

Broadrick holds special meaning and stores precious memories of my growth. I had never dreamt that I will be a teacher when I was younger. The closest I was to students was when I gave private tuition during my university years to earn allowance for myself.

Why am I a teacher? It all started from Pauline's inspiring story of how she managed to befriend an Primary school boy and turn this naughty boy to a boy who will always happily tagged behind her after lessons. So, I went for the MOE interview. Got through the first interview of my entire life and was offered the job!

I ended up in Broadrick to do my 10 weeks practicum. It was a culture shock. I had to drag myself out of bed everyday, asking myself why I did not have a fever that day. Everyday in those 10 weeks was hell. I had never met Normal (Academic) students before and I was given 4 classes of them at one time. I had students who just threw their chairs and slammed the door and stormed out of classroom when teachers scold them.

Where is the respect for teachers???

After my experience with them, I told myself if I was to be given a second chance to start again, I won't never be so friendly and sunshine in front of a class for any first time I stepped into a class. It was a good strategy it seems, cos I believed my students will always remember their first day with me.. the strict and stern Physics teacher who can also be cute, friendly and approachable(*wink wink)

Why does the school hold a special place for me? I really grew up in this school, just like all of my students. I spent 3 years here. I came here a fresh graduate from NUS, with all the passionate dreams of wanting to help students, of wanting to change lives of the younger generation and really contribute back to the society. This dream proved to be too idealistic I realised, because not all students can be saved; many of them chose to give up their future even at such a young age. I tried to save as many starfish as possible but I can only save so many with my two hands. The job as a teacher was really tough. REALLY tough. It was even tougher than studying for exam!

I soon lost my personal time because I was struggling to stay ahead of schedule, think ahead and prepare all teaching materials, all on my own. I had to stay free from backstabbing from colleagues (yea, it happens in the staff room too) because I am always so blur and will always end up in trouble without myself knowing that I had ended in shit. I have to attend meaningless meetings, when all I want is to either go back to finish marking the endless stack of worksheets or go home to sleep. I can't go out during weekdays; I can't meet my friends because I was so drained of all energy after the many battles in the classroom in the day. Friday night was spent with bf eating dinner and Saturday and Sunday? Most of these two days was spent preparing work for the upcoming week. I always wonder am I the only one who is like slogging my life away? Why is it that I do not see other teachers all so stressed up like me? Is it something wrong with me? Am I inefficient? Was there something wrong with the way I do my work?

When I first started teaching, I had so much to talk about my students because they are the centre of my world. I talk to them more to my family and even my bf. I think I told too many silly stories of the students, my bf told me not to talk about them when we meet. Yea, I agree. I think I need to separate work from personal life.

While my friends who work in other professions talked about their work and other people they meet, I talk about my students. As days go by, I feel that I am lagging behind them. Adults have peer pressure too, yea. I feel that I need to break out of this shelf that had been protecting me these 3 years. Everyone treats me like a little girl and I have the good fortune to have a good HoD who always give me the freedom to explore and silently support me and cover my ass when I walked into shit-pit without knowing it. I feel old now. Tired of burning midnight oils, of burning up the weekends and holidays for the school. I feel I am suffering from malnutrition intellectually. I feel that I can't see my future. I feel I need to get out and breathe in what other people are doing in other industries.

The day I made the decision to leave teaching, I almost regret it immediately. More so after I know who is going to take over 4EB. I just can't stop worrying for my students. Miss Sin said they will be traumatised and I should finish the last lap with them. I tried to reconsider my decision. But I am scared that this new opportunity that sprang out of the thin air won't come along in a long time.

After today, I knew I made the right decision. Like what Desmond said, don't underestimate the resilience of your students. I knew I made the right decision to tell them earlier, at least we are all prepared for the farewell and will treasure the last few lessons together. I hope you had, because I did.

Teaching is a noble job. I am glad I was given the chance to be part of the noble team of educating and guiding the young people during their adolescent stage of life. I had been thinking the difference of what my new job scope and what I had been doing these 3 years. Teaching really give alot of meaning and satisfaction to one's life. It is really tiring, it drains u physically, emotionally and morally. But, all a teacher needs from any student is just those two words, Thank You. Sincerely. These two words had brought so much warmth and so much meaning to my life before. In teaching, these two simple words just have such deep meaning.

From the fun class of 4EB 2005, we have the Tan family comprising of Tan Pau Ling, Sean Tan, Tan Yi Sin, Louis Tan, Tan Liling.. our charming actor and singer Elias.. the forever going to toilet to do big business Wilford.. the artist Niki.. the royal family Shazana, Jane, Midori, Elissa, Jeanette, Niki.. my forver reliable and dependable Red Cross chairman Nadirah.. the weird but gentle Wira (the only one who remembers my birthday).. the bigger soccer team Ebrahim (top student 2005), Rajiv, Qing Yang, Elias, Laxman, Elbert.. the ballerina Charmaine.. the cute Farhani.. the cool and pretty Liling.. the shy and quiet Shu Hui.. the supporters of Ms Boey and Girl Guides Wan Shan and Yan Qi.. the animal lover Jenny (who is a good diver too).. the boy who shares the same birthday as me - Yuan Wei.. and last but not least the pillars of Chinese Orchestra Hui Juan and Huiping!!!

Yeah.. I remember all of them, with a little help from Nadirah.. hehe.. my first class in Broadrick.

Now my last class in Broadrick.. here goes..
From my perfectionist and KFC guy Kok Shen.. my cute and bubbly Alicia.. my cheerful and always make spelling mistake Chia Ming.. my King Kong Aidil.. my silent supporter who offers me consoling words of wisdom Daniel.. my A1s scorer who is always so quiet Guocong.. my latecomer and long thumb nails William.. my another latecomer who is a kind-hearted ah beng Say Yong aka Yong Yong (hehe).. my Jing Hao who is always 'I am very busy and I am broke' but has a credit card.. my silent and mature plus designer Fifi.. my loyal Red Cross cadet Samantha.. my always so hardworking Munisha.. my kind-hearted Chinese Orchestra chairman Liting.. my FOREVER trustworthy, reliable, neat and handsome Zhen Wei aka Lim Bo Seng ( he has all the good qualities a girl wants).. my athelete and little sunshine boy Wei Loong.. the financial minister who is both pretty and sociable Sabrina.. my gentle and beautiful Fang Ru.. my FOREVER supporter and always the first to spot my blues Mona.. my always-jump-with-fear-whenever-I-call-her Eng Jia.. my badminton crazy Malvin.. my another mature, capable role model and Red Cross Vice-Chairman Zhisheng.. my another artistic, sweet and caring girl Ziqian.. my friendly and Girl Guide leader Tee Li.. my best actress and emcee Kate.. my silent supporter who always does not hesitate to cheer me up with jokes and encouraging words Hongyao.. my great magician and optimistic Tan Liang.. my chubby famous latecomer but generous Hendra.. my out-spoken, active, cheerful and favourite (self-claimed) student Adam.. my Japanese anime crazy Yee Xien.. and of course, how can we forget my godson DaviP who likes to always end the sentence with MEH and SIAN...

Now that I think of it, I think I had really broke many hearts when I decide to move on. 4EB is always the BEST! 2005 or 2007..

Thanks for your undying support and love. You made my days in Broadrick brighter and I look forward to come to school now, although I always have to utter the same old sentence every morning "Put on your name tag and school badge'". I am sorry when I said you made me feel no warmth.. You see, I am so relaxed and at home when I come into class that I can't help to tell you my innermost feelings. You may not be able to understand my sadness and my worries for you, but I know you will pull through strong and emerge the champions and bring the school to glory even without me around. I was stern and strict and no smiles for you and you could be feeling like why is my form teacher nicer to other class. It is not true. I have high expectations of you and I worry that you are not working hard to meet my expectations. I get angry when you do not seem to be working to your maximum potential because you choose to play and become unfocused in your purpose. Maybe my going away will force you to grow up and be more independent. I pamper you too much. You even came into my dreams. I worry that you will be lost and no one will understand you or go to your rescue and cover your asses when you end up in trouble when I am not around.

Don't cry because we will meet again.

But like I said, you are strong and you will emerge as champions. We can, together, produce the top scorer, Broadrician of the Year, the most fun-loving class who knows when to play and work hard. YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE, this I promise you. For Miss Tan will always be here to support you and you will always take the first and most important seat.