Blue Thursday

I used to look forward to Thursday because Friday will be the next day and I can have my weekend to relax....

I don't know why but I feel extremely blue this morning. Probably it is because of the rain.. well.. maybe not, I don't know.

A colleague from the next department had left the company yesterday and is starting her new work today. I went out with WL last night and I slept at 1am. So, basically I am pretty tired now.

People had been asking me how is my new job, do I like it, how are you coping, do I enjoy it etc since the first day I stepped in. I don't know if that is the way they show concern and willingness to help newbies or is it that they are preparing me for the storm ahead.

Actually, I am feeling very uncomfortable with my current situation now. You know, just plain uncomfortable feeling which you can't really point your finger to the source of it.

Besides the fact that I can rest after work now (no need to mark worksheets anymore), during the day, the administration work that I am doing seems unclear and directionless and well, I feel meaningless. Maybe it is because I have not been given the bulk of the workload yet but I can't help myself comparing what I used to do and what I am doing now. Human beings are funny creatures. Uncle J's words kept popping into my mind. Come to think about it, his words are not always rubbish. You probably will need to reflect on what he said and well, maybe less than 50% of his advice is useful in the end.

I had promised myself that I would not return to school as a full-time teacher, which means I may consider being an adjunct teacher.

I had been urging myself to give myself more time to adapt to the new job, at least till I get my bonus beginning of next year (hehe..)

I felt very inspired by WL's new work! She is into event management and that was what I had wanted to do. In this new job, she gets to go overseas because the bulk of her company's business is international. I really envy her and I asked myself if I want that type of lifestyle..

Consider this:
1) I have NO experience at all for this industry...
2) The company seems extremely fast-paced, which in a way, is a little opposite of my current company. I can't stand the waiting time to get information from another person!
3) It will be like teaching, no free time after work, no fixed knock off time, no weekends maybe, little sleep when events are near - which also means it will be energy sapping
4) The big factor: PAY. Definitely, I would not be drawing the income that I am getting now.
5) It doesn't help when 30 is near the corner. It doesn't help when the hectic nature of the job means I would be seeing less of my bf and how can we ever find time to settle down?
6) Can energy sapping job be a long-termed committment job? I mean, if I do not like it and prefers to have a more stable job, I would really be 30 or beyond. Age is a big enemy. No experience, old female candidate - who would want to hire me in the end?

BUT, the lure is tempting.....

DAMN IT! Give us till next year ba... In the meantime, what else can I do besides to bury the urge and probably TRY VERY HARD to stay positive in the new job?

Big SIGH....

Consequences of being big mouth

Just when the computer clock hit 5.40pm on Tuesday evening, my boss came out and asked my colleague how was the progress of the work he told her to do... She said it wasn't ready and he started to question her... "If you can't do it alone, you should have asked for help early." And, the next thing I knew, "Pau Ling, can you please help ......"

SIAN! =.=" because I was just that one second away to clicking that START button on the monitor screen and shutting down the computer!

I can't say I can't help my colleague right? I mean, I am still damn new and I have to be a team player isn't it? So, I have to hide my inner frustrations and reply, "Sure, no problem! How can I help?" Furthermore, I had to put on a big bright TPL signature smile :D

So, I said bye bye to my 'boring' office life and started helping my colleague do her work, halfing her present workload. I always think back of what my bf asked me, "Why do they need a graduate to do such admin work?" Good question asked but I don't know the answer. So, I did the manual checking of tonnes of excel spread sheet data.. Did that to the extent that I really felt like tearing the hardcopy excel spread sheets into bits and pieces.

The next time someone told you during an interview that the work is very challenging, don't be as naive as me to believe that person wholeheartedly. To a certain extent, this tedious checking is challenging because I had stopped so many times to ask myself aloud, "Isn't there a better way to do this?" Till now, the answer had not been found and so I continued the mindless checking... Until, my boss got impatient with the people who input the data and got everyone to sit down and trashed out all the differences. Well, that meeting was 4 hours long! When the meeting in brd was a simply waste of my precious afternoon, the meeting here is always like a learning and eye-opening experience. You want to see how adults brainstorm their intelligence and outtalk each other, look forward to the working world just make sure you stay out of trouble.

Anyway, our boss treated us to a lunch at the Turf City on Thursday. That was the most agonising lunch I had ever had so far. It was to formally welcome the new-comers to the department. The first new-comer started introducing himself like this, "I would like to introduce you to open source programming and suggest that we meet for an hour each week so that I can tell you the beauty of this..." I was like HUH!! Simi open source programming??! This is so computer engineering lor, come on, get a life! If you don't want a life, stay away from me... =.=!

Then the food came... first dish - shark's fins soup. The waitress helped to ladle out the soup into small bowls and the natural reaction after she had done that was to? Take the biggest bowl and start eating and fight for the vinegar and pepper right? Alright, everyone at the table weren't normal because from the first dish till the last dish, the food had to sit there for at least 5 min before anyone took the move to start taking their share! I was like, HELLO, scholars. I know all of you are intellects, but it is lunch time and I am hungry. Can't anyone please start eating?? Because I am new and I am a 'demure & resolute' woman (made in TKGS), I have to behave like a well-behaved girl and wait for the seniors to start... Unbearable. Can you imagine how long that big bowl of baked crabs sat on the table?? At least 10min lor!!! And I was like, the crab is so delicious, yum yum, but you can only take one piece ok? Why??

Because you can't behave like a childish little girl who is out with your Daddy and Mummy and start to grab at every piece of crab you like... Restrain.. Take one only..

And my boss actually said, "Lunch is good. We really should have more department lunches."

I was like, "Please! A lunch with scholars talking about open source programming, journal papers by other psychologists etc - Sorry, it is just not my cup of tea."

Plus, the constant effort to always behave and do things smart because my boss said " I hate working with stupid people" and his constant "that clown did this... that..." All these aren't helping at all.

Challenging?

Yes! Because I have to dig really hard for the intelligent TPL and proved to him that HEY! You have got a smart employee here ;)

2nd week at the job

First, I seriously seriously miss school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arg!!!!!!!!!

I miss my 4EB together with all their lame jokes and quick-witted conversations. I miss 4EA, 4EC, 4ED, 4N2, 5N1 and 5N2... I miss teaching..

WHY?

Because it is much more lively than sitting in front of the computer all day, waiting for lunch time and then knock off time. I met Vasughi for dinner last Friday and the first thing she said,"Your face is rounder now!" OMG! That is the consequences for having breakfast every morning (it is free cos the company provides different breakfasts for us everyday - GOOD welfare), for sitting in front of the computer all day and eating lunch on time and going back to computer straight after lunch.

Of course, I only miss the students haha! I DO NOT miss the marking at all! Hehe.. I bet all the teachers are busy setting exam papers now...

Anyway, life in the office is alright just that I am still unclear of my new boss' expectations. He said during a meeting, he hates stupid people. Damn! I must constantly remind myself to be smart and not do stupid and mindless things, that is taxing. Plus, seriously, my corner at the office is boringly quiet!!!! Kill me!! How I missed those days of "Where is your name tag and school badge?" or "Sshh. Read your book!"

Because I am still new, I hardly get calls and well, I was alone in the office today because all the other 3 administration officers were not around. I named myself "Office Alone".

Let me see.
What is one good thing about teaching? --> It is meaningful, really. My new boss said very frankly, whatever we are doing now are all fake because it is all paperwork and planning. Unless the plan gets accepted, otherwise, it will always remain virtual.. WA -o-!
What is one good thing about the new job? --> I am so free after I get home, I have no worksheets to mark, no test/exam papers to set, life has never been so carefree. Haha.

O ya! I had my first driving lesson last Saturday afternoon...

And, not to forget, I had two weeks of itchy and ugly rashes on my legs and hands for the past 2 weeks.. Today is my third day of non-itchiness and non-ugliness...

New work, new lifestyle

WOW!

The long-waited day had come. I reported at my new work place yesterday. Mmm... after being pre-warned by my beloved Uni friends of what to look out for, I would say yesterday was not bad ;)

But it is still too early to judge if I like the new job because the workload hasn't really been handed over to me. But, even before I report for work, my big name had been announced to many big people and when I was being brought around during the induction, they were like "I heard your name and now I finally see you.." Then I was like, what did you hear about me?? It is my first day, HELLO.

So far, I can only say the new job scope is very different from my last one. I was properly inducted at my first day of reporting at this new job, not just thrown into a class of (A) eagerly anticipated students, waiting for me to say something or (B) hyperactive students, walking and shouting around the classroom. Is it because of the nature of work or because of the poorly-run induction programme from the previous work?

I am a little insecure of this new work. I guessed I was too comfortable in my last job and I am really not equipped or prepared for this one. BUT, how can Miss Tan lose confidence so easily right? Like I told Desiree and my other cadets/students, "Don't worry, things will work out in the end." Gee, Miss Tan can do it! I just need some time to re-orientate myself and change my direction and energy.

Talk about energy! WOW. I came home after 12 midnight after my first day of work because I was out watching Transformers with Bao Bei. I was so tired today!!!! Aiyo, do office work like this can really grow fat easily ah! I seldom ate lunch when I was in school, often, I had only one meal in one day, which was dinner. Now, I have free breakfast every morning and I have to go for lunch every afternoon. Minus away the time to queue for food and go toilet, the rest of the time I spend it sitting at the PC. Definitely, I will grow fat in no time!! O MY GOD!

Must use U-Zap now.. Give me strength to move on in my new work.