I just came back from watching Avatar.
I walked into the theatre with many wonders why so many people rated this movie with full stars, why everyone's aftermath comment is "This is the best show I have watched in my entire life"... I walked inside there with only one thought - I want to know why movie critcs said this movie marks the turn for 3D movies (of course for the better) and what charms does this movie possessed.
My afterthoughts for the movie?
I wouldn't say that this is the best movie I had showed but it is ranked one of the most thought-provoking movies. It left me wonder what exactly can you and I, common people, do to save the earth?
What is James Cameron trying to tell us through Avatar?
It is not that we do not know that global warming is real, not that we do not know that the giant pandas are facing extinction because of the loss of their natural habitats, not that we do not know that more icebergs are found floating nearer to our land and further away from where they should rightfully be, not that we do not see and feel that the natural disasters are getting from bad to worse, getting more and more deadly...
I once told my students that I did not have an air-conditioner at home. The reply I got: Miss Tan, you do not belong to this era. Sad.
I saw another post on Facebook the other day, the post reads something like this: No air-con? Kill me! Sadder.
I seriously thought education is supposed to make us wiser.
Am I getting too old and disconnected with the world that it made me realised just how short-sighted some of us are? Or, just how comfortable some of us are that we are only concerned with things which impact us the most?
Just what exactly can we do if you love Avatar so much and that it made you recall that "Hey, we are all part of Mother Nature"? Will you still remember this movie and the message behind the movie after the theatres take this down?
And yeah, if you realised I typed "did" for the air-conditioner, we have joined the cult of owning one at home. To defend myself, I think I can live without the air-conditioner since I had been living without one for the past almost 30 years. I had afterall, turned on the air-conditioner less than 20 times in my new home of 1 year and I had it on at 25degC. Am I less sinful than those who turned the air-con on every other night for 2 hours to cool the room down and switched it off for the rest of the night?
I am still keeping my little recycling project of throwing the empty plastic and glass bottles into the recycle bins, my mother is doing that now too! I am saving the used papers for the bins too.
I had switched to carrying one recycle bag in my bag always, of course, one is very often not enough, I still use plastics bags... At least I try my best..
Are these efforts enough, at the micro level?
Not sure, but at least I am doing my part.
Come to think about it, I like to throw things away, is this sinful too? Maybe if there is less impulsive buying in the first place, I don't have to throw them away and waste resources. It all adds up, at the end of the day.
As an ex-physics teacher, I remembered that I taught this: Energy cannot be destroyed nor created, but converted from one form to another. I just hope that this hidden energy that we have thrown to our backyard (because it is out of sight, out of mind) and the uncounted amount of natural resources which we dig up to satisfy our need for continued growth, whether in developed or developing countries, will not end up as a backlash to eliminate our race and ends our time on this beautiful planet.
We have come so far as we progressed as a race - Internet, air-conditioner, motor vehicles are things we can't live without anymore, there is definitely no turning back to savage the damage we had done to our environment. Slow down? Perhaps... if there is enough time and if many of single individual starts to think deeply at how interlinked all of us are to nature. You may not feel or see it, because we are so sufficiently provided. Think harder, we form part of the chain, teacher taught us in primary school.
Impractical and not realistic? Maybe.
At least I am doing my tiny little part to do what I can to save the earth from my point of view.
So what can all of us do to save our land?
I guess it is all up to each of us to think and decide.
All actions have consequences.
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Tuesday, 21 April 2009
A simple song with a simple lyrics and yet how easy it can make a heart cry all over again
An emotional 20+++ year old, yes I am. I couldn't help hanging on to this song by Air Supply. When I heard it on Class95 last night, the heart suddenly got swollen and ached with an unknown sense of longing and long lost pain.
Pictures of a love-torn couple came to mind, no particular people in mind, but the pain stood there. I stopped in awe of how magical words and music can be, stringed together in a particular manner and it will remain in the hearts of many. Whether you are listening to the song as a first person or a third party, words of less than 100 can so effortlessly paint a thousand pictures for this song.
It made me pause and recount how fortunate I am that I am surrounded by love, that 'Goodbye' is simply a friendly gesture of bidding a friend farewell, knowing that I will see him/her again really soon.
Suddenly, the 'Goodbye' which I got from him six years ago did not tear apart a well-dressed wound. What was left behind is a numbed feeling. He was my first love, beautiful but gone wrong. We parted and went on separate ways, is he happier now? I am not sure, but I hope he is because I know I found someone whom I am comfortable to spend the rest of my life with. He would always be a part of me, tucked deep in the private section of my past.
Dear Bubu, till we meet again, I want you to know that I am happy and I hope you are too in whatever you do. Thank you for being so cruel six years ago, I see now that we wouldn't have worked out in the end. Goodbye.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Pictures of a love-torn couple came to mind, no particular people in mind, but the pain stood there. I stopped in awe of how magical words and music can be, stringed together in a particular manner and it will remain in the hearts of many. Whether you are listening to the song as a first person or a third party, words of less than 100 can so effortlessly paint a thousand pictures for this song.
It made me pause and recount how fortunate I am that I am surrounded by love, that 'Goodbye' is simply a friendly gesture of bidding a friend farewell, knowing that I will see him/her again really soon.
Suddenly, the 'Goodbye' which I got from him six years ago did not tear apart a well-dressed wound. What was left behind is a numbed feeling. He was my first love, beautiful but gone wrong. We parted and went on separate ways, is he happier now? I am not sure, but I hope he is because I know I found someone whom I am comfortable to spend the rest of my life with. He would always be a part of me, tucked deep in the private section of my past.
Dear Bubu, till we meet again, I want you to know that I am happy and I hope you are too in whatever you do. Thank you for being so cruel six years ago, I see now that we wouldn't have worked out in the end. Goodbye.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday, 18 January 2009
I believe
Lazy Saturday... but I liked it.
I cleaned my room today and I was so happy with myself :)
The hifi-system was finally wired up and singing Class 95 happily and yup, all my papers and bills were packed neatly into their files.
I saw Pak Kay's postcards and love notes for me when we were still younger back in 2003. Ha! And, I cried reading those notes. Funny how easy it was to forget the sweet memories we had and to dwell on the maddening incidents which occasionally sprang up.
When we started dating, he was in Birmingham UK doing his NUS student exchange programme while I was studying for exams here. We were separated by 12 hours, when it was my studying time, it was his sleeping time... we smsed each other when we woke up in the morning, when we went to sleep, wishing every moment that he would be back in Singapore asap! We even arranged for his date of arrival to be on our first month anniversary. But it was changed at the last minute...
I would look up into the sky and tell him to look out for the moon 12 hours later because it was too beautiful. Funny, but we were looking at the same moon but separated by thousand of miles.
We would go online to chat with each other before we went out to study or went to bed. For him, I would sacrifice my sleep so that I could start my day feeling loved and end my day feeling wanted too. 12 hours away, he in Birmingham will do the same too.
Once, I had a bad nightmare and woke up in the middle of the night. I smsed him and the next thing I knew, he called me to ask me if I was ok. Ah! I almost melted in my bed.......
We counted 1, 2 and 3, closed eyes, hands on the keyboard and started playing the Winter Sonata song so that for that few minutes or so, we were doing the same thing together although we were not physically. The feeling was magical. It might look funny but I really felt as if he was there with me...
Then he sent flowers to me on our first month anniversary. It was raining that day and I was looking out for the deliveryman. The roses were so beautiful.....
There were also postcards to look out for when he went away for touring around Europe after his exam. I cleared the mailbox personally each other and every other hour, I would check for sms. I would wonder what he was doing, if he was safe driving and when he would be sending me messages... I told him he had to send me two messages a day so that I can be sure that he was all safe because there was no way he could come online to chat with me.
Then, before he came back, I went to Changi Terminal One to check out where he would come out from the airport. Rehearsing where I should stand so that I could see him first thing when he came out. I did not go to Airport once for rehearsal, I went back thrice. And every time I imagined how the day he came back to me would turned out, I had to force myself not to giggle out. Because I was alone and everyone else around would think that I was a lunatic laughing to myself. But hey, they won't understand how happy I was.........
He said he loved me and we would celebrate many many more anniversaries together. He said our story would be beautiful and long........
I believe him and I still do.
I cleaned my room today and I was so happy with myself :)
The hifi-system was finally wired up and singing Class 95 happily and yup, all my papers and bills were packed neatly into their files.
I saw Pak Kay's postcards and love notes for me when we were still younger back in 2003. Ha! And, I cried reading those notes. Funny how easy it was to forget the sweet memories we had and to dwell on the maddening incidents which occasionally sprang up.
When we started dating, he was in Birmingham UK doing his NUS student exchange programme while I was studying for exams here. We were separated by 12 hours, when it was my studying time, it was his sleeping time... we smsed each other when we woke up in the morning, when we went to sleep, wishing every moment that he would be back in Singapore asap! We even arranged for his date of arrival to be on our first month anniversary. But it was changed at the last minute...
I would look up into the sky and tell him to look out for the moon 12 hours later because it was too beautiful. Funny, but we were looking at the same moon but separated by thousand of miles.
We would go online to chat with each other before we went out to study or went to bed. For him, I would sacrifice my sleep so that I could start my day feeling loved and end my day feeling wanted too. 12 hours away, he in Birmingham will do the same too.
Once, I had a bad nightmare and woke up in the middle of the night. I smsed him and the next thing I knew, he called me to ask me if I was ok. Ah! I almost melted in my bed.......
We counted 1, 2 and 3, closed eyes, hands on the keyboard and started playing the Winter Sonata song so that for that few minutes or so, we were doing the same thing together although we were not physically. The feeling was magical. It might look funny but I really felt as if he was there with me...
Then he sent flowers to me on our first month anniversary. It was raining that day and I was looking out for the deliveryman. The roses were so beautiful.....
There were also postcards to look out for when he went away for touring around Europe after his exam. I cleared the mailbox personally each other and every other hour, I would check for sms. I would wonder what he was doing, if he was safe driving and when he would be sending me messages... I told him he had to send me two messages a day so that I can be sure that he was all safe because there was no way he could come online to chat with me.
Then, before he came back, I went to Changi Terminal One to check out where he would come out from the airport. Rehearsing where I should stand so that I could see him first thing when he came out. I did not go to Airport once for rehearsal, I went back thrice. And every time I imagined how the day he came back to me would turned out, I had to force myself not to giggle out. Because I was alone and everyone else around would think that I was a lunatic laughing to myself. But hey, they won't understand how happy I was.........
He said he loved me and we would celebrate many many more anniversaries together. He said our story would be beautiful and long........
I believe him and I still do.
Thursday, 15 January 2009
For Yiru, Iris, Yihui, Elaine, Teeli, Desmond and Pal
Really, if not because I saw the blog message, I would have headed straight towards facebook to upload my Greece photos.
So, yup, not bad, I still have a very few visitors to my blog, but never mind, as long as there is someone, I would do it for you. Who else wants dedication? Haha :)
Anyway, updates or Ms Tan's stories? How about updates but where shall I start before I start to bore you?
Year 2008 ended with many uncertainties, and yes, year 2009 started with the same boredom and resistance. Work is not something which I looked forward to anymore, and so I started to dream... not really dream, I started to do something to my new year resolutions.
License, not really yet. I tried to go for one lesson but ended cancelling it. Why? Because the instructor's was stationed in the East, to be more specific, in Ubi/Eunos. I thought it was alright to take train to Eunos and just go for 1.5 hour of lesson and head home... but Pak Kay and other friends reminded me that the journey itself would demotivate me because it was really very far!!! So, to save myself the trouble of training bus to MRT station, then from Lakeside to Eunos (worse, take bus to Ubi driving centre), I thought I would try to hide for an instructor in the West. I am barely two months at the new address, and since for the past almost 30 years I was in the East, I am really lost when it comes to finding someone to teach a clumsy girl.
And, I had started writing something!!! Muhahahaha! I started off on the new itouch before I go to bed when I remembered. Stuck. Because, I don't know what I want to write about. Guess I am trained to think of the unique selling point, and I had not have a theme in mind yet. No storyboard, just the name of the female lead. I had a few paragraphs of something and it was really not easy to be a writer. Just how did they spin things out from the air? Of course, romance stories are more or less the same, male lead is handsome, aloof, rich, proud, charimastic and smart, female lead is pretty, witty, sensitive, emotional, sensual, protective and the female always end up bringing out the best in the male. Detective stories... hard to write anything, because I do not follow news and Crime Watch, how to write something when I couldn't imagine a murder scene??! Sigh, so still stuck with no storyboard... think out of the box, think out of the box!!!
O! I just started my first Japanese class tonight!!!! Hehe... wa, I am very stressed because I am really learning too slow :( Pak Kay, A-mei (my cousin) and Huat (my cousin-in-law) signed up for the Beginner 1 course too. Pak Kay has phD (YEAH! He finally passed and is done with phD... I wonder when I can be Mrs Dr Tang... mmm...), A-mei has a 2nd class honours, Huat has a Master... all of them had such good track records, and I was just a Pass with Merit :( sigh... then during the class, they caught on faster too, they were on par with the sensei when we practised writing the Kirigana and I only had time to copy down the pronounication and I had so many blanks! Low morale.. I really have to work harder... Watashi wa work harder desu. Hahahahaha.
As for the travelling around the world part, I guess I will just have to enjoy the moments of uploading my Greece photos onto Facebook for the time being. I am so tempted to join Sharon and the girls for the trip to Japan in April but... I guess, let's save the money.
Hehe, I think I love Pak Kay a little more each day :p
So mushy...
But I like... Haha...
We talked about us, FINALLY, after being together for almost six years now. Not that I am looking forward to getting married, but at least, I got him talking about his plans and I told him my plans too.
"I want to talk to you." I said one night when he was at my place.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.
"How old am I now?" I asked innocently.
"30," he said in a flat tone, paying attention to Baby and Maomao (both softtoys) than to me.
"Huh? How old am I?" I thought the politically correct answer should be 29 although I just turned 28 like less than 3 months ago..
"30!" he repeated. Damn! Ok, never mind, some people are supertitous when it comes to those ages near the end of the decade.
"How old are you?" I asked, changing topic.
"30."
"If you had a chance to go overseas to study, and I said I won't be going with you, will you still go?"
"Huh.. maybe lor... dunno, see first."
"What if I say I would go with you?"
"Is it? Then we go lor!!" he said excitedly.
"So, if you are 30 now, after your bond, you will be 32 and I will be 31. If you still have to do two years of MBA, by the time you finished with MBA, you will be 34 and me 33. Are you going to marry me?" I asked, slowly pulling him into my trap...
"Ya la!" he replied, still playing with the toys.
"When are you going to marry me then?"
"This year lor," he replied shyly.
"Do you have intention to have the wedding dinner? You can't get married as and when you want and expect there to be a hotel available for the dinner." I argued irritated.
"ROM this year then dinner next year lor!"
Gotcha! :p
"Then when are we going to have babies?"
"When you are 31 or so lor."
"So, you have no intention to save two person's time after marrying???" I want to faint...
"Then babies when you are 32 or 33 lor." O no, I am going to be a old mummy :(
"Ok.. then if you are going to study MBA overseas, who will take care of the baby?"
"You!"
"Idiot! I don't have to work is it?"
"Then I take care lor."
"You don't have to study hor?"
"Aiya, then we take turns lor!" As if things are so simple....
"So, when are you going to propose to me????!" I probed. Haha.
"How can you be so thick-skinned?" he was half shocked and half shy.
"It is not the first time that I asked you this question."
.......
That conversation had kept me happy for a long time... still happy... :D
We are doing more things together now. We are planning to go exercise together, maybe sign up for a gym package but how come they are all located in or near town? I have to take almost an hour to reach home :( no motivation... we are also taking Japanese together.... we have dinner together more often now too, because Mummy has to work, I can't cook for nuts, hence no dinner at home. So although Pak Kay's mother's cooking style isn't exactly the top on my list, I can save alot of money eating at his place leh :p plus, he can drive me home after that.. hehe, more time together :p
I want to be a xin fu xiao nu er... but can I choose not to cook? Haha.
So, yup, not bad, I still have a very few visitors to my blog, but never mind, as long as there is someone, I would do it for you. Who else wants dedication? Haha :)
Anyway, updates or Ms Tan's stories? How about updates but where shall I start before I start to bore you?
Year 2008 ended with many uncertainties, and yes, year 2009 started with the same boredom and resistance. Work is not something which I looked forward to anymore, and so I started to dream... not really dream, I started to do something to my new year resolutions.
License, not really yet. I tried to go for one lesson but ended cancelling it. Why? Because the instructor's was stationed in the East, to be more specific, in Ubi/Eunos. I thought it was alright to take train to Eunos and just go for 1.5 hour of lesson and head home... but Pak Kay and other friends reminded me that the journey itself would demotivate me because it was really very far!!! So, to save myself the trouble of training bus to MRT station, then from Lakeside to Eunos (worse, take bus to Ubi driving centre), I thought I would try to hide for an instructor in the West. I am barely two months at the new address, and since for the past almost 30 years I was in the East, I am really lost when it comes to finding someone to teach a clumsy girl.
And, I had started writing something!!! Muhahahaha! I started off on the new itouch before I go to bed when I remembered. Stuck. Because, I don't know what I want to write about. Guess I am trained to think of the unique selling point, and I had not have a theme in mind yet. No storyboard, just the name of the female lead. I had a few paragraphs of something and it was really not easy to be a writer. Just how did they spin things out from the air? Of course, romance stories are more or less the same, male lead is handsome, aloof, rich, proud, charimastic and smart, female lead is pretty, witty, sensitive, emotional, sensual, protective and the female always end up bringing out the best in the male. Detective stories... hard to write anything, because I do not follow news and Crime Watch, how to write something when I couldn't imagine a murder scene??! Sigh, so still stuck with no storyboard... think out of the box, think out of the box!!!
O! I just started my first Japanese class tonight!!!! Hehe... wa, I am very stressed because I am really learning too slow :( Pak Kay, A-mei (my cousin) and Huat (my cousin-in-law) signed up for the Beginner 1 course too. Pak Kay has phD (YEAH! He finally passed and is done with phD... I wonder when I can be Mrs Dr Tang... mmm...), A-mei has a 2nd class honours, Huat has a Master... all of them had such good track records, and I was just a Pass with Merit :( sigh... then during the class, they caught on faster too, they were on par with the sensei when we practised writing the Kirigana and I only had time to copy down the pronounication and I had so many blanks! Low morale.. I really have to work harder... Watashi wa work harder desu. Hahahahaha.
As for the travelling around the world part, I guess I will just have to enjoy the moments of uploading my Greece photos onto Facebook for the time being. I am so tempted to join Sharon and the girls for the trip to Japan in April but... I guess, let's save the money.
Hehe, I think I love Pak Kay a little more each day :p
So mushy...
But I like... Haha...
We talked about us, FINALLY, after being together for almost six years now. Not that I am looking forward to getting married, but at least, I got him talking about his plans and I told him my plans too.
"I want to talk to you." I said one night when he was at my place.
"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.
"How old am I now?" I asked innocently.
"30," he said in a flat tone, paying attention to Baby and Maomao (both softtoys) than to me.
"Huh? How old am I?" I thought the politically correct answer should be 29 although I just turned 28 like less than 3 months ago..
"30!" he repeated. Damn! Ok, never mind, some people are supertitous when it comes to those ages near the end of the decade.
"How old are you?" I asked, changing topic.
"30."
"If you had a chance to go overseas to study, and I said I won't be going with you, will you still go?"
"Huh.. maybe lor... dunno, see first."
"What if I say I would go with you?"
"Is it? Then we go lor!!" he said excitedly.
"So, if you are 30 now, after your bond, you will be 32 and I will be 31. If you still have to do two years of MBA, by the time you finished with MBA, you will be 34 and me 33. Are you going to marry me?" I asked, slowly pulling him into my trap...
"Ya la!" he replied, still playing with the toys.
"When are you going to marry me then?"
"This year lor," he replied shyly.
"Do you have intention to have the wedding dinner? You can't get married as and when you want and expect there to be a hotel available for the dinner." I argued irritated.
"ROM this year then dinner next year lor!"
Gotcha! :p
"Then when are we going to have babies?"
"When you are 31 or so lor."
"So, you have no intention to save two person's time after marrying???" I want to faint...
"Then babies when you are 32 or 33 lor." O no, I am going to be a old mummy :(
"Ok.. then if you are going to study MBA overseas, who will take care of the baby?"
"You!"
"Idiot! I don't have to work is it?"
"Then I take care lor."
"You don't have to study hor?"
"Aiya, then we take turns lor!" As if things are so simple....
"So, when are you going to propose to me????!" I probed. Haha.
"How can you be so thick-skinned?" he was half shocked and half shy.
"It is not the first time that I asked you this question."
.......
That conversation had kept me happy for a long time... still happy... :D
We are doing more things together now. We are planning to go exercise together, maybe sign up for a gym package but how come they are all located in or near town? I have to take almost an hour to reach home :( no motivation... we are also taking Japanese together.... we have dinner together more often now too, because Mummy has to work, I can't cook for nuts, hence no dinner at home. So although Pak Kay's mother's cooking style isn't exactly the top on my list, I can save alot of money eating at his place leh :p plus, he can drive me home after that.. hehe, more time together :p
I want to be a xin fu xiao nu er... but can I choose not to cook? Haha.
Thursday, 1 January 2009
1st January 2009
Hey, hey, there! I am back from dormant state.... Not sure if my followers are still there. Knock, knock, anybody there??
Anyway, how was your 2008? Mine?
Nothing much to wow about. Is there any way I can tell the whole world that I have left teaching? Exactly how many people have I told that I was a teacher back then? And exactly how many did I missed out not updating? Not that I am irritated with friends who asked for updates, but I wonder how long do I have to continue to tell them "Erm, actually I have left and moved on since 2007..."
And holy cow, I hate 2009 already! Why? Because I just had my 28th birthday and if you look at my IC, would you think I just turned 28 or will you quickly do the Mathematics and conclude "she is 29."
UGH!!!!!!
2008 did not end on a good note.
First, I had overspent by almost 6x my average record and I am panicking on how I am going to clear that Citibank credit card bill...
Second, I had lost my soul for my job since I came back from Greece in November. Nothing fantastic happened, yeah, it is the first time I spent my birthday overseas and Athens decided to give me a surprise gift by a metro strike on my birthday. Yeah, there was no public train transport that day, we walked almost 4 stations. Not bad, it was a beautiful city. Remind me to write about Greece, I love and miss it.
Third, I am restless and want a change! Yes, again....
Someone asked me these two questions just before Christmas this year and left me with the most unhappy Christmas ever since I became aware of what this public holiday is about.
"Pau Ling, so are you happy? [waiting for my answer, I mumbled something...] Is this what you really want? [he caught me dumbfounded....]"
Yeah, that is it.
2008 left me unhappy, unsatisfied, lost and blind...
Why do we have desires? Why do we always wish that we know what we want and that we can get what we want? Why does time have to fly so fast? Why isn't there a time machine to bring us back to where we would want to start over a certain chapter? Why do we exist at all?
Guess these are difficult questions....
I think I am really restless. I have so many things on my new year resolution list:
1. I want to get that damned driving lesson by June this year!
2. I want to write a book to kick my imagination machine running again, it died on me years ago..
3. I want to learn a third language to keep myself entertained.
4. I want to learn cooking cos I can't go beyond preparing instant noodles.
5. I want to learn to play a musical instrument because I suddenly feel like wanting to write songs too.
6. I want to know the history of all the different civilisations around us. Religions too. Maybe go study history although the thought of sitting for exam is freaking me out big time.
7. I want to travel around the world because our pace of living is too fast, I wonder why we are always moving so fast for... Breathe in how other people live their lives, sip a cup of coffee, drink some red wine, wait for sun to set..
8. I want to start my own business although I do not know what I am good at so that I can leverage on it and make my passion my bread and butter.
A pretty long list, yea? Not in the right order of priority, but of course that driving license is top on the list.
I was thinking if I should really start writing something... with me being so long-winded, I bet no one will have the patience to finish reading through anything I penned down.
Ha!
If you made it through to this point, I want to say "Thank You" for bearing with my whiny and pessimistic thoughts.
I am just not coherent now. But I thought it is time I update my blog.
To all my ex-students: Sorry Miss Tan is way off from the usual chirpy self. Don't be like me okie? You should be happy that you are growing another year wiser instead of dreading that school is going to start soon.
Ok, I shall go figure out my thoughts and bounce back to be a responsible and cheerful girl soon!
Love all of ya and of course missing you too!
Anyway, how was your 2008? Mine?
Nothing much to wow about. Is there any way I can tell the whole world that I have left teaching? Exactly how many people have I told that I was a teacher back then? And exactly how many did I missed out not updating? Not that I am irritated with friends who asked for updates, but I wonder how long do I have to continue to tell them "Erm, actually I have left and moved on since 2007..."
And holy cow, I hate 2009 already! Why? Because I just had my 28th birthday and if you look at my IC, would you think I just turned 28 or will you quickly do the Mathematics and conclude "she is 29."
UGH!!!!!!
2008 did not end on a good note.
First, I had overspent by almost 6x my average record and I am panicking on how I am going to clear that Citibank credit card bill...
Second, I had lost my soul for my job since I came back from Greece in November. Nothing fantastic happened, yeah, it is the first time I spent my birthday overseas and Athens decided to give me a surprise gift by a metro strike on my birthday. Yeah, there was no public train transport that day, we walked almost 4 stations. Not bad, it was a beautiful city. Remind me to write about Greece, I love and miss it.
Third, I am restless and want a change! Yes, again....
Someone asked me these two questions just before Christmas this year and left me with the most unhappy Christmas ever since I became aware of what this public holiday is about.
"Pau Ling, so are you happy? [waiting for my answer, I mumbled something...] Is this what you really want? [he caught me dumbfounded....]"
Yeah, that is it.
2008 left me unhappy, unsatisfied, lost and blind...
Why do we have desires? Why do we always wish that we know what we want and that we can get what we want? Why does time have to fly so fast? Why isn't there a time machine to bring us back to where we would want to start over a certain chapter? Why do we exist at all?
Guess these are difficult questions....
I think I am really restless. I have so many things on my new year resolution list:
1. I want to get that damned driving lesson by June this year!
2. I want to write a book to kick my imagination machine running again, it died on me years ago..
3. I want to learn a third language to keep myself entertained.
4. I want to learn cooking cos I can't go beyond preparing instant noodles.
5. I want to learn to play a musical instrument because I suddenly feel like wanting to write songs too.
6. I want to know the history of all the different civilisations around us. Religions too. Maybe go study history although the thought of sitting for exam is freaking me out big time.
7. I want to travel around the world because our pace of living is too fast, I wonder why we are always moving so fast for... Breathe in how other people live their lives, sip a cup of coffee, drink some red wine, wait for sun to set..
8. I want to start my own business although I do not know what I am good at so that I can leverage on it and make my passion my bread and butter.
A pretty long list, yea? Not in the right order of priority, but of course that driving license is top on the list.
I was thinking if I should really start writing something... with me being so long-winded, I bet no one will have the patience to finish reading through anything I penned down.
Ha!
If you made it through to this point, I want to say "Thank You" for bearing with my whiny and pessimistic thoughts.
I am just not coherent now. But I thought it is time I update my blog.
To all my ex-students: Sorry Miss Tan is way off from the usual chirpy self. Don't be like me okie? You should be happy that you are growing another year wiser instead of dreading that school is going to start soon.
Ok, I shall go figure out my thoughts and bounce back to be a responsible and cheerful girl soon!
Love all of ya and of course missing you too!
Sunday, 8 June 2008
Another day closer to 31 December 2008
I guess this will be another boring blog.
I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that I had accidentally killed 2 people and had actually thrown their corpses into the giant fridge to hid them... And, I had pretended that I did not see them when others asked where they were... :(
Oh dear, why this silly dream??? Sob sob.... I don't want to be a murderer :_(
Anyway, Bao Bei was so kind on Saturday and actually went shopping with me without nagging, haha. We had dinner at BigO cafe at Wheelock Place. Conclusion: BigO and NYDC probably share the same dining chairs, including baby-chairs; BigO has better variety and quality of food; when it comes to mudpies, nothing beats NYDC!!! And now, we have 2 free dessert vouchers from paying with UOB credit card :p
Did anyone say it is Great Singapore Sale now? How come I don't feel it at all!!!???!?!! I used to study Economics briefly in JC and also in NUS as cross faculty module, it always talk about inflation and it always quote USA. I was like, why am I studying inflation, inflation doesn't happen in Singapore.... NOW, when the money comes out from my own pocket, I realise what is inflation. Simi a simple dress costs more than S$100!!!! #^*%^@P% I used to be able to get a decent dress at less than S$70 lor. Where is the sale?! I want to spend money but the items are so unreasonably priced that I felt the pinch when I touched the price tag. Bao bei says the stock market will plunge on Monday because the oil price per barrel has leaped a huge USD10 on Friday. We even went hunting for COACH at Isetan Shaw and Takashimaya. My most expensive item from Las Vegas is a USD160+ COACH handbag, even if the exchange rate is 2:1, I had easily saved S$500 on that bag (a similar size at COACH Isetan is selling at S$899 before discount!!!) Yohoo! No wonder COACH is a must-go stop over in USA...
Mummy tells me to stop buying unnecessary things for the time being because we are moving to Jurong West soon... Gotta save money to renovate the house.... Bao Bei says if his paper gets approved, the conference will be at New Orleans, USA, in December... hehe.... but I told him that Katrina swept across New Orleans... Eh, come to think about it, the setting of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicle is in New Orleans too, mmm.... I remember it right, right??
My godson ever asked me this question: Why Man invent money?
I thought that is quite a challenging question. If you look at it superficially, it is pretty easy to tell a kid the importance of matching the value of an item with a monetary amount. However, to completely convince the kid that money is not the root of all evil is on the other hand, quite philosophical.
As always, money can't buy everything but without money, life is really hard.
So before you head down to GSS, think thrice.
I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that I had accidentally killed 2 people and had actually thrown their corpses into the giant fridge to hid them... And, I had pretended that I did not see them when others asked where they were... :(
Oh dear, why this silly dream??? Sob sob.... I don't want to be a murderer :_(
Anyway, Bao Bei was so kind on Saturday and actually went shopping with me without nagging, haha. We had dinner at BigO cafe at Wheelock Place. Conclusion: BigO and NYDC probably share the same dining chairs, including baby-chairs; BigO has better variety and quality of food; when it comes to mudpies, nothing beats NYDC!!! And now, we have 2 free dessert vouchers from paying with UOB credit card :p
Did anyone say it is Great Singapore Sale now? How come I don't feel it at all!!!???!?!! I used to study Economics briefly in JC and also in NUS as cross faculty module, it always talk about inflation and it always quote USA. I was like, why am I studying inflation, inflation doesn't happen in Singapore.... NOW, when the money comes out from my own pocket, I realise what is inflation. Simi a simple dress costs more than S$100!!!! #^*%^@P% I used to be able to get a decent dress at less than S$70 lor. Where is the sale?! I want to spend money but the items are so unreasonably priced that I felt the pinch when I touched the price tag. Bao bei says the stock market will plunge on Monday because the oil price per barrel has leaped a huge USD10 on Friday. We even went hunting for COACH at Isetan Shaw and Takashimaya. My most expensive item from Las Vegas is a USD160+ COACH handbag, even if the exchange rate is 2:1, I had easily saved S$500 on that bag (a similar size at COACH Isetan is selling at S$899 before discount!!!) Yohoo! No wonder COACH is a must-go stop over in USA...
Mummy tells me to stop buying unnecessary things for the time being because we are moving to Jurong West soon... Gotta save money to renovate the house.... Bao Bei says if his paper gets approved, the conference will be at New Orleans, USA, in December... hehe.... but I told him that Katrina swept across New Orleans... Eh, come to think about it, the setting of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicle is in New Orleans too, mmm.... I remember it right, right??
My godson ever asked me this question: Why Man invent money?
I thought that is quite a challenging question. If you look at it superficially, it is pretty easy to tell a kid the importance of matching the value of an item with a monetary amount. However, to completely convince the kid that money is not the root of all evil is on the other hand, quite philosophical.
As always, money can't buy everything but without money, life is really hard.
So before you head down to GSS, think thrice.
Friday, 6 June 2008
I am back
Due to popular, Ms PL is back, wahahaha!
It has been a while since I had the time to blog, really buried under loads of work. Sleep less now, go to bed later, wake up at the same time every morning, Saturdays are burnt out too.
Feel stretched but CL said being stretched is good, because in a way, it means pulling out the potential that is hidden in everyone. He is my boss, I have to believe in him.
Many things have happened since I disappeared from blogspot.
In summary, while I was gone:
- I went to Las Vegas in March with Mr Tang and hid in his luggage,
- GT quitted and a few new colleagues joined us,
- Finally, I have a team-mate to share load with me, she is also an ex-teacher, name is THL
- Application for the graduate programmes under my charge is closed and only one out of three of the programmes will begin this July,
- I am still single and seeing my Mr Tang,
- I took up 2 tuitions,
- The Las Vegas trip drained me of my savings again (gotta start from zero dollar again)
- CL is getting more rebellious with the management,
- Kenneth and Ying are finally tying the knot on 14 June (after almost 8 years of courtship??)
- Another gf from TKGS is getting married in October but heard she hadn't done much preparation for the wedding and renovation of her house (getting married can be so tiring...)
- Yet another gf from TKGS said "yes" to the question "will you marry me?" recently, diamond ring is imported from USA, fiance proposed to her with the rock diamond of 0.75 carat (??!). That rock is so shiny lor.... $7k+ (-o-)!
- My younger cousin just told me that she has bought a flat with her fiance.... and yes, she beat me to it, I am going to be her bridesmaid, yeah!
Wa! What in the world is happening??? The whole world is getting married, how come no one proposed to me????!!!!
Sian, going to be 30 soon.... feeling jaded, growing fat, and still look like a secondary school student in front of people. How confusing is this combination.
Gee, it felt like just yesterday when I celebrated my 21st birthday. At the wink of the eye, I would be crossing into my 3rd decade spent on Earth.
THIS IS SO SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!
What have I done and achieved?
- Still left on the shelf with the reserved sign, waiting for owner to come and claim back....
- No fantastic academic record --> ultra saddening
- On the second job: interesting one cos I get to irritate pple and pple get to irritate me back
- Pumping in a lot of time and effort but still earn peanuts (which is more important? Self-satisfaction or money)
- Failed driving test --> an utter disgrace
- No savings to go for next holiday and to even get married
Wahahahaha... like very pessimistic hor? Well, I am very tired now, but the hair is still wet...
Ever heard of retail therapy??
Hoho... in just 2 days, I bought 1 dress, 2 belts, 1 pair of shoes, 1 Body Shop Hydraing Puree and 1 Body Scrub, that is about $200.... hehe. Disappointed with the pair of Charles & Keith shoes cos it made my toes so painful, still deciding if I should give it another try soon.
Will upload the Las Vegas photos soon.. We went to Grand Canyon, it is majestic...
**This is the result of sleepy PL attempting to post updates**
It has been a while since I had the time to blog, really buried under loads of work. Sleep less now, go to bed later, wake up at the same time every morning, Saturdays are burnt out too.
Feel stretched but CL said being stretched is good, because in a way, it means pulling out the potential that is hidden in everyone. He is my boss, I have to believe in him.
Many things have happened since I disappeared from blogspot.
In summary, while I was gone:
- I went to Las Vegas in March with Mr Tang and hid in his luggage,
- GT quitted and a few new colleagues joined us,
- Finally, I have a team-mate to share load with me, she is also an ex-teacher, name is THL
- Application for the graduate programmes under my charge is closed and only one out of three of the programmes will begin this July,
- I am still single and seeing my Mr Tang,
- I took up 2 tuitions,
- The Las Vegas trip drained me of my savings again (gotta start from zero dollar again)
- CL is getting more rebellious with the management,
- Kenneth and Ying are finally tying the knot on 14 June (after almost 8 years of courtship??)
- Another gf from TKGS is getting married in October but heard she hadn't done much preparation for the wedding and renovation of her house (getting married can be so tiring...)
- Yet another gf from TKGS said "yes" to the question "will you marry me?" recently, diamond ring is imported from USA, fiance proposed to her with the rock diamond of 0.75 carat (??!). That rock is so shiny lor.... $7k+ (-o-)!
- My younger cousin just told me that she has bought a flat with her fiance.... and yes, she beat me to it, I am going to be her bridesmaid, yeah!
Wa! What in the world is happening??? The whole world is getting married, how come no one proposed to me????!!!!
Sian, going to be 30 soon.... feeling jaded, growing fat, and still look like a secondary school student in front of people. How confusing is this combination.
Gee, it felt like just yesterday when I celebrated my 21st birthday. At the wink of the eye, I would be crossing into my 3rd decade spent on Earth.
THIS IS SO SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!
What have I done and achieved?
- Still left on the shelf with the reserved sign, waiting for owner to come and claim back....
- No fantastic academic record --> ultra saddening
- On the second job: interesting one cos I get to irritate pple and pple get to irritate me back
- Pumping in a lot of time and effort but still earn peanuts (which is more important? Self-satisfaction or money)
- Failed driving test --> an utter disgrace
- No savings to go for next holiday and to even get married
Wahahahaha... like very pessimistic hor? Well, I am very tired now, but the hair is still wet...
Ever heard of retail therapy??
Hoho... in just 2 days, I bought 1 dress, 2 belts, 1 pair of shoes, 1 Body Shop Hydraing Puree and 1 Body Scrub, that is about $200.... hehe. Disappointed with the pair of Charles & Keith shoes cos it made my toes so painful, still deciding if I should give it another try soon.
Will upload the Las Vegas photos soon.. We went to Grand Canyon, it is majestic...
**This is the result of sleepy PL attempting to post updates**
Friday, 11 January 2008
TGIF
What is TGIF? Tsk tsk tsk... Thank God It's Friday!!!!
Finally the end of this tiring week is here. I was determined to keep myself happy today and so, the whole day I smiled to everyone.
Perhaps the whole series of events had taken its toll on me.
First email in the day was from CL, sent at 12.04am the previous night. It was the justification email for my promotion. He said he took half an hour to write it, gee, I am touched... Because the chance of me getting a two grades jump is slim, perhaps that is why he had to really scratch his head to justify his recommendation.
ShL said that she wants to give CL a treat, hehe... I want to chip in too. I think I owed him more than just a meal.
Yesterday he was joking over lunch that when he looked through all the CVs, he was shocked to see mine. His exact words - it is the ugliest! -.-" By some Almighty intervention, my pdf file became a txt file and all my formatting was gone. No pictures, no proper alighnment. He thought that the applicant must be very bold to send in such lousy CV. *Faint* And so, he said, he will look out for bad formatting in the next recruitment for the new administration executive.
O well, maybe it is Friday. Everyone seem to be in happy mood. Even G commented that CL was in good mood because he did not reprimand her today when she discovered that the lab allocation was in a terrible and messy state. For some courses, lab sessions were underbooked by the Heads and some were overbooked. She was still around when I left office at 7.20pm. Poor thing..
So yup! That wraps up the whole hell of exciting events this week.
Tomorrow is Orientation Day! Yeah!!! I am looking forward to it... Please please pray that it will be a smooth and fun day tomorrow! :)
Finally the end of this tiring week is here. I was determined to keep myself happy today and so, the whole day I smiled to everyone.
Perhaps the whole series of events had taken its toll on me.
First email in the day was from CL, sent at 12.04am the previous night. It was the justification email for my promotion. He said he took half an hour to write it, gee, I am touched... Because the chance of me getting a two grades jump is slim, perhaps that is why he had to really scratch his head to justify his recommendation.
ShL said that she wants to give CL a treat, hehe... I want to chip in too. I think I owed him more than just a meal.
Yesterday he was joking over lunch that when he looked through all the CVs, he was shocked to see mine. His exact words - it is the ugliest! -.-" By some Almighty intervention, my pdf file became a txt file and all my formatting was gone. No pictures, no proper alighnment. He thought that the applicant must be very bold to send in such lousy CV. *Faint* And so, he said, he will look out for bad formatting in the next recruitment for the new administration executive.
O well, maybe it is Friday. Everyone seem to be in happy mood. Even G commented that CL was in good mood because he did not reprimand her today when she discovered that the lab allocation was in a terrible and messy state. For some courses, lab sessions were underbooked by the Heads and some were overbooked. She was still around when I left office at 7.20pm. Poor thing..
So yup! That wraps up the whole hell of exciting events this week.
Tomorrow is Orientation Day! Yeah!!! I am looking forward to it... Please please pray that it will be a smooth and fun day tomorrow! :)
I am the Unbeatable!
This week crawled too slowly... I am tired.
The day started with CL meeting all the four of us: ShL, L, G and myself. We were due to receive our annual letter which tells us how much is our performance bonus, whether there is promotion and if there is increment. I am not expecting much, since everything will just be pro-rated (I am just half year old when they closed the accounts).
CL started by saying he will be holding back the VIP letter. Reason: HR left out the Deans when they opened the window period for nominee to be promoted last year!
Tell me it is a funny joke please!
How can HR make such a silly mistake? So you had conveniently left out the entire four schools of academic staff and admin support when you are in the midst of the promotion excercise? Come on, the University is not that big. With no schools, you think you can be sitting there and you have a work to do?
Anyway, HR is re-doing the promotion exercise for the schools and that is why we would not be able to see the letters yet. He talked to us in private and well, guess what? He told me he had intended to recommend me for a 2-grade jump upwards (simple English - promote two levels up) and had given me a A for my appraisal! Wa! Best news in three years of working life. However, the management felt that a 2-grade jump is too much and I had to settle for a single jump only, which means I will be Senior Executive instead of Manager. I was also one of the few who had the appraisal grade marked downwards cos there are only 8 people who got A and I am not in the top 8 list.
Of course the heart ached for a while. But, to get this far and with this kind of achievement and the support from my boss, I think it is more than enough. I am not greedy. I can slogged for you as long as I know why I am working so hard for. "... I believed you will agree with me that ShL and Pau Ling are head and shoulders above the admin managers..." This sentence is more than enough to melt the heart. Anyway, I told CL what I felt and I am blessed that he understood me and showed the willingness to support me.
As expected, Betty did not turn up at 9am today. Instead she called me at 9.40am and innocently asked me if I had read the email and if I could explain the whole situation to her. What the fuck! Don't act innocent in front of me. You wrongly accused me of not doing my share of work and did not even apologise at all. And you still expect me to treat it as if it is no big deal. For the first time here, I flared up. I could have been louder if she was there in person in front of me.
Determined to put that behind me, I went to Merrill Lynch with CL and Prof Chay. The meeting was so-so but the lunch was fun. Of course, it is because Ms Tan was there to lighten the atmosphere again. I made both of them play a word-search puzzle and compete with each other. Haha. Obviously the Dean had to win the game right? Hohohoho... It was an enjoyable lunch.
How I wish this week can be over soon... Not sure if there will be any confrontation or email battle again tomorrow. Saturday is our School's Orientation Day and I was sabotaged by my Dean to put up games for the students to play in the LT. I was initially looking forward to it. It will be my first time to handle close to 400 people and it will definitely be very fun. For the first time, I can show to other people that I am not just a tiny little girl, I am someone who is very capable... I challenged the system and the way others are doing things because I bother to use my energy to make the difference.
To my young blog-supporters: Thank you for your concern, Ms Tan won't fall so easily. Pardon me for using the F*** two times - this is the most appropriate situation to use that word so beautifully without myself feeling guilty of using it.
The day started with CL meeting all the four of us: ShL, L, G and myself. We were due to receive our annual letter which tells us how much is our performance bonus, whether there is promotion and if there is increment. I am not expecting much, since everything will just be pro-rated (I am just half year old when they closed the accounts).
CL started by saying he will be holding back the VIP letter. Reason: HR left out the Deans when they opened the window period for nominee to be promoted last year!
Tell me it is a funny joke please!
How can HR make such a silly mistake? So you had conveniently left out the entire four schools of academic staff and admin support when you are in the midst of the promotion excercise? Come on, the University is not that big. With no schools, you think you can be sitting there and you have a work to do?
Anyway, HR is re-doing the promotion exercise for the schools and that is why we would not be able to see the letters yet. He talked to us in private and well, guess what? He told me he had intended to recommend me for a 2-grade jump upwards (simple English - promote two levels up) and had given me a A for my appraisal! Wa! Best news in three years of working life. However, the management felt that a 2-grade jump is too much and I had to settle for a single jump only, which means I will be Senior Executive instead of Manager. I was also one of the few who had the appraisal grade marked downwards cos there are only 8 people who got A and I am not in the top 8 list.
Of course the heart ached for a while. But, to get this far and with this kind of achievement and the support from my boss, I think it is more than enough. I am not greedy. I can slogged for you as long as I know why I am working so hard for. "... I believed you will agree with me that ShL and Pau Ling are head and shoulders above the admin managers..." This sentence is more than enough to melt the heart. Anyway, I told CL what I felt and I am blessed that he understood me and showed the willingness to support me.
As expected, Betty did not turn up at 9am today. Instead she called me at 9.40am and innocently asked me if I had read the email and if I could explain the whole situation to her. What the fuck! Don't act innocent in front of me. You wrongly accused me of not doing my share of work and did not even apologise at all. And you still expect me to treat it as if it is no big deal. For the first time here, I flared up. I could have been louder if she was there in person in front of me.
Determined to put that behind me, I went to Merrill Lynch with CL and Prof Chay. The meeting was so-so but the lunch was fun. Of course, it is because Ms Tan was there to lighten the atmosphere again. I made both of them play a word-search puzzle and compete with each other. Haha. Obviously the Dean had to win the game right? Hohohoho... It was an enjoyable lunch.
How I wish this week can be over soon... Not sure if there will be any confrontation or email battle again tomorrow. Saturday is our School's Orientation Day and I was sabotaged by my Dean to put up games for the students to play in the LT. I was initially looking forward to it. It will be my first time to handle close to 400 people and it will definitely be very fun. For the first time, I can show to other people that I am not just a tiny little girl, I am someone who is very capable... I challenged the system and the way others are doing things because I bother to use my energy to make the difference.
To my young blog-supporters: Thank you for your concern, Ms Tan won't fall so easily. Pardon me for using the F*** two times - this is the most appropriate situation to use that word so beautifully without myself feeling guilty of using it.
Thursday, 10 January 2008
Another day which ended with a heavy heart
The day started with a small tinge of reluctance to go to work after yesterday's episode of Angel Falling from Heaven. The mood forecast was "cloudy with occasional sunshine".
Nevertheless, the meeting before lunch went well and CL invited me to join them for lunch... Lunch was fun because I was there to lighten up the mood and to regulate the dry, serious topic with interesting and animated content. I did not managed to do much work today because we had to rush off to TTSH for another meeting.
The meeting went smoothly except for a tiny hiccup and it ended before 5.30pm. I can go home early, yeah!
When I checked the handphone, I saw CL's sms to tell me to call him when the meeting was over. For the first time, my boss smsed me to call him back - that must mean something really urgent happened.
Guess what?
He said Betty (who is heading one of the department under Zenon) called him to say that I had missed out a lecturer's address and they could not send out the contract to him in time. I thought WHAT THE FUCK! On Monday, I called Mavis (who is under Betty) and asked her why there is a missing contract. She said she did not know that there was a contract to be sent to Hong Kong and she had overlooked it. She had assumed that all contracts are Singapore-based and could have probably sent it out as a local mail. Fine! Very good... quickly, we decided to courier the contract over to the lecturer and I even wrote the email to apologise to the lecturer.
Now her boss turned the table around and said that I WAS THE ONE WHO MISSED OUT THE HONG KONG LECTURER.
Excellent job!
Your department screwed up my contracts and you accused me of not giving you adequate information? You are the best liar in the whole world.
CL said he did not believe Betty and asked me if I want to call her then or confront her tomorrow. "Tomorrow, cos I have no mood to talk to her now." I was that pissed off!
From Novena to Paya Lebar to my home, my heart never weighed so heavy. First, you want to take away what I had done and expects me to welcome your administration support with grace. When I handed over the job to you, you messed up the sequence and pulled me down into water, expecting me to drown with you. All the way home, I was praying to God to help me find the email which I had sent to Betty's boss to tell him to follow up. I know I did not make that silly mistake but I need BLACK AND WHITE evidence to redeem myself.
I am an easy-going person but I don't like when people accuse me of not doing my work well when obviously the person who screwed the process is not me. So, don't step on my tail.
I thank God that I found the email in my 'sent' box. I forwarded the email to CL and said I want to sue someone for defamation and asked if he wanted to chip in. In the email, I had clearly highlighted to Betty's boss that there was a HK address and there were two vacant slots.
Your honour, I rest my case.
The best part is, CL and Chay had confirmed that they will chip in money!!! Haha... The terrific part is, CL forwarded the email to Betty with cc to Provost and slapped her back in the face that she had not gotten her facts right and had wrongly accused Yours Sincerely. He expects disciplinary action to be taken and if she is unhappy, she is always welcome to come to his office tomorrow.
She won't come, I can bet till my last cent.
Cos she tried too hard to want to cover up her own ass and to think, I had treated her like a friend.
This is a scary place...
Nevertheless, the meeting before lunch went well and CL invited me to join them for lunch... Lunch was fun because I was there to lighten up the mood and to regulate the dry, serious topic with interesting and animated content. I did not managed to do much work today because we had to rush off to TTSH for another meeting.
The meeting went smoothly except for a tiny hiccup and it ended before 5.30pm. I can go home early, yeah!
When I checked the handphone, I saw CL's sms to tell me to call him when the meeting was over. For the first time, my boss smsed me to call him back - that must mean something really urgent happened.
Guess what?
He said Betty (who is heading one of the department under Zenon) called him to say that I had missed out a lecturer's address and they could not send out the contract to him in time. I thought WHAT THE FUCK! On Monday, I called Mavis (who is under Betty) and asked her why there is a missing contract. She said she did not know that there was a contract to be sent to Hong Kong and she had overlooked it. She had assumed that all contracts are Singapore-based and could have probably sent it out as a local mail. Fine! Very good... quickly, we decided to courier the contract over to the lecturer and I even wrote the email to apologise to the lecturer.
Now her boss turned the table around and said that I WAS THE ONE WHO MISSED OUT THE HONG KONG LECTURER.
Excellent job!
Your department screwed up my contracts and you accused me of not giving you adequate information? You are the best liar in the whole world.
CL said he did not believe Betty and asked me if I want to call her then or confront her tomorrow. "Tomorrow, cos I have no mood to talk to her now." I was that pissed off!
From Novena to Paya Lebar to my home, my heart never weighed so heavy. First, you want to take away what I had done and expects me to welcome your administration support with grace. When I handed over the job to you, you messed up the sequence and pulled me down into water, expecting me to drown with you. All the way home, I was praying to God to help me find the email which I had sent to Betty's boss to tell him to follow up. I know I did not make that silly mistake but I need BLACK AND WHITE evidence to redeem myself.
I am an easy-going person but I don't like when people accuse me of not doing my work well when obviously the person who screwed the process is not me. So, don't step on my tail.
I thank God that I found the email in my 'sent' box. I forwarded the email to CL and said I want to sue someone for defamation and asked if he wanted to chip in. In the email, I had clearly highlighted to Betty's boss that there was a HK address and there were two vacant slots.
Your honour, I rest my case.
The best part is, CL and Chay had confirmed that they will chip in money!!! Haha... The terrific part is, CL forwarded the email to Betty with cc to Provost and slapped her back in the face that she had not gotten her facts right and had wrongly accused Yours Sincerely. He expects disciplinary action to be taken and if she is unhappy, she is always welcome to come to his office tomorrow.
She won't come, I can bet till my last cent.
Cos she tried too hard to want to cover up her own ass and to think, I had treated her like a friend.
This is a scary place...
DON'T EVER DELETE ANY EMAILS.
Wednesday, 9 January 2008
Painful Monday followed by 'a bad fall from Heavens" Tuesday
First Monday of 2008 kicked off with a bad stomachache. It was so bad that I was struggling to stay conscious. The pain was unbearable and I could feel all the blood concentrated at my stomach. I felt cold and I knew I looked pale. If I don't get to the toilet fast, I will probably faint at the taxi stand at Paya Lebar MRT station.
But the nearest toilet was so far away... I won't make it there especially when the morning crowd was a mad rushing herd of men and women. I turned to look for Victor. Luckily he was there! I must look really ugly because he got worried and asked me if I am alright. Although quite nerdy, he accompanied me like a gentleman to the toilet even though the staff bus came at the exact moment we left the taxi stand.
Now I knew what they meant by "the face as pale as a sheet of paper", I was that bad.
By the time we got to work, (cab fare was $21.20!!! - cannot claim) I was all weak and limp. No strength at all, plus stomach still felt hollow.
The first email I saw: a accusation email from SL to tell me to not try to act smart and should always check with her first before I sent email to overseas partners. Too weak to think, I simply forwarded the email to CL and added one sentence "Got shot" by SL again...
The next thing I know, CL stormed out of his room and starting cursing SL's department for attempting to complicate things. Limp, I just listened to him obediently and waited for his final verdict "we won't use the OUUK material". I thought, whatever you say... Then he channelled the email back and said I was merely acting on his demand and he had a different discussion and agreement with the OUUK people when he was in UK last November. I was glad that I had a shield although the sword had done its harm.
I slowly regained my energy and after lunch, I was feeling all chirpy again. I went to ask CL about the ASUS eee PC. I told him that L and GT will be attending my course and hence getting the PC free. ShL and myself won't be able to attend the course because there would be no one to cover duty. I asked him if I could get the PC and he said he will give it to me!! WOW, he remembered the promise he made... I got so high, I asked him at least 4x if he was joking and I even volunteered to record down what he said. Haha. He said I just had to find out how he could make the payment, he will write the cheque and I will get my PC. Yeah! But, he said if he is giving me one, it means he has to give another person one too. Of course, ShL will say yes right?? Wa, a $500 sleek laptop, even if I am not going to use it, I can always encash it lor!
However GT changed her mind about going to the course, so myself and ShL got the free PC, GT should get one from CL too right? I asked him but he replied with a fat NO. I was stunned. HUh??! He said he treats the PC like a gift to us for our good performance and he knows who is performing and who isn't... Simple English, he was trying to say GT had not been performing... Me, ShL and L decided not to tell GT about it lest she got upset... And so, my first Monday of 2008 ended on a high note, dreaming and looking forward to receive my ASUS eee PC.
____________________________________________________________________
First Tuesday morning of 2008 started with another email from Z, ally of SL. CL's mood was still unpredictable but I did not get the chance to talk to him at all the whole morning. The day was totally destroyed after lunch when he finally came back to his room and had the time to read the tens of emails in the inbox. He came out and asked me if I had seen Z's email and I replied with a simple "Ya." The rest of the next five min was the point when the lightning struck me.
CL "blew" up and said that Z and SL are going to set up a Graduate Studies Department which will be taking over ALL the work that I had started and going to recruit their own people to do the rest of the setup work. He walked into Chay's room and I was feeling like a total stranger for the first time. CL was really mad and upset that Z and SL had brushed my efforts aside. He said he had spoken to Provost and he was told to submit a proposal together with Chay to inform the Acad Board of the need for the School to handle our own postgraduate programmes and workshops. To my astonishment, CL said Z had gone under table and together with Z's boss, they had decided to set up that dumb Graduate Studies Department which SL will head!
Tell me how interesting private university works! "Great job" here. SL, I "love" you so much!
In simple English, this means that all the hard work I had put in for the past 6 months will be handed over to SL when her department got filled up. I will be like the transition middle person...
For six months, I had really enjoyed doing what I was doing here. For six months, I felt ownership of what will materialise in July 2008. Now, everything will be taken away from me. What's left? I don't know..
I jokingly told CL and Chay that they don't like me, so they are taking everything away from me.. I should go and find another job. What a dry self-mockery joke. Can you feel the slow descend from Heavens to Disappointment?
CL looked at me and firmed said, "It is not your fault, you are not wrong and you did not do anything wrong. It has nothing to do with you."
Chay asked, "Then SL will take Pau Ling into her department?"
"NO, over my dead body. She is not going anywhere. If she goes, all the three of us go together and look for jobs somewhere else." CL said with a conviction.
Shocked was too mild to use. In fact, he had overly-flattered me. He turned and said,"Aren't you touched? You go, we go together with you!" The hat was too big for me... please, give me a smaller one..
And then he stormed off for the meeting with President, telling Chay before he left that he is going to look for Provost after the meeting to give him some shelling...
Hello, Provost is your boss leh...
I should feel touched but I don't. In fact, despair had transformed into disappointment and very soon, it will turn into resignation to fate. I really loved what I am doing now, don't snatch it away from me. Who will hear me? No one. Can CL and Chay win the case? I doubt it. Not because they won't fight for it but rather the university is too rigid to welcome new changes. I had willingly spent my nights and sometimes Saturdays clearing up the work and tying the loose ends. I did all the setup, networking, connections. What has Z and SL done? Nothing, except to sit in offices, attend stupid meetings with stupid staff to do things that were obsolete. Who goes out to build bridges to make the School and university look more visible? US. Who are they to claim the credits and make proposed plans to support and continue the initiative? What do they know? They only know what is B&W? Emails tell me to do this, I execute it. Did they use brains? No, they only know how to pool people together to have meeting to put out the "fire" their own departments create. In the end, still have to call me to confirm. Why can't they call the Dean and Head of Programmes themselves? They are scared. If scared, then don't do it in the first place! Why make me feel like a disposable link?
Damn, I feel so lousy.
But the nearest toilet was so far away... I won't make it there especially when the morning crowd was a mad rushing herd of men and women. I turned to look for Victor. Luckily he was there! I must look really ugly because he got worried and asked me if I am alright. Although quite nerdy, he accompanied me like a gentleman to the toilet even though the staff bus came at the exact moment we left the taxi stand.
Now I knew what they meant by "the face as pale as a sheet of paper", I was that bad.
By the time we got to work, (cab fare was $21.20!!! - cannot claim) I was all weak and limp. No strength at all, plus stomach still felt hollow.
The first email I saw: a accusation email from SL to tell me to not try to act smart and should always check with her first before I sent email to overseas partners. Too weak to think, I simply forwarded the email to CL and added one sentence "Got shot" by SL again...
The next thing I know, CL stormed out of his room and starting cursing SL's department for attempting to complicate things. Limp, I just listened to him obediently and waited for his final verdict "we won't use the OUUK material". I thought, whatever you say... Then he channelled the email back and said I was merely acting on his demand and he had a different discussion and agreement with the OUUK people when he was in UK last November. I was glad that I had a shield although the sword had done its harm.
I slowly regained my energy and after lunch, I was feeling all chirpy again. I went to ask CL about the ASUS eee PC. I told him that L and GT will be attending my course and hence getting the PC free. ShL and myself won't be able to attend the course because there would be no one to cover duty. I asked him if I could get the PC and he said he will give it to me!! WOW, he remembered the promise he made... I got so high, I asked him at least 4x if he was joking and I even volunteered to record down what he said. Haha. He said I just had to find out how he could make the payment, he will write the cheque and I will get my PC. Yeah! But, he said if he is giving me one, it means he has to give another person one too. Of course, ShL will say yes right?? Wa, a $500 sleek laptop, even if I am not going to use it, I can always encash it lor!
However GT changed her mind about going to the course, so myself and ShL got the free PC, GT should get one from CL too right? I asked him but he replied with a fat NO. I was stunned. HUh??! He said he treats the PC like a gift to us for our good performance and he knows who is performing and who isn't... Simple English, he was trying to say GT had not been performing... Me, ShL and L decided not to tell GT about it lest she got upset... And so, my first Monday of 2008 ended on a high note, dreaming and looking forward to receive my ASUS eee PC.
____________________________________________________________________
First Tuesday morning of 2008 started with another email from Z, ally of SL. CL's mood was still unpredictable but I did not get the chance to talk to him at all the whole morning. The day was totally destroyed after lunch when he finally came back to his room and had the time to read the tens of emails in the inbox. He came out and asked me if I had seen Z's email and I replied with a simple "Ya." The rest of the next five min was the point when the lightning struck me.
CL "blew" up and said that Z and SL are going to set up a Graduate Studies Department which will be taking over ALL the work that I had started and going to recruit their own people to do the rest of the setup work. He walked into Chay's room and I was feeling like a total stranger for the first time. CL was really mad and upset that Z and SL had brushed my efforts aside. He said he had spoken to Provost and he was told to submit a proposal together with Chay to inform the Acad Board of the need for the School to handle our own postgraduate programmes and workshops. To my astonishment, CL said Z had gone under table and together with Z's boss, they had decided to set up that dumb Graduate Studies Department which SL will head!
Tell me how interesting private university works! "Great job" here. SL, I "love" you so much!
In simple English, this means that all the hard work I had put in for the past 6 months will be handed over to SL when her department got filled up. I will be like the transition middle person...
For six months, I had really enjoyed doing what I was doing here. For six months, I felt ownership of what will materialise in July 2008. Now, everything will be taken away from me. What's left? I don't know..
I jokingly told CL and Chay that they don't like me, so they are taking everything away from me.. I should go and find another job. What a dry self-mockery joke. Can you feel the slow descend from Heavens to Disappointment?
CL looked at me and firmed said, "It is not your fault, you are not wrong and you did not do anything wrong. It has nothing to do with you."
Chay asked, "Then SL will take Pau Ling into her department?"
"NO, over my dead body. She is not going anywhere. If she goes, all the three of us go together and look for jobs somewhere else." CL said with a conviction.
Shocked was too mild to use. In fact, he had overly-flattered me. He turned and said,"Aren't you touched? You go, we go together with you!" The hat was too big for me... please, give me a smaller one..
And then he stormed off for the meeting with President, telling Chay before he left that he is going to look for Provost after the meeting to give him some shelling...
Hello, Provost is your boss leh...
I should feel touched but I don't. In fact, despair had transformed into disappointment and very soon, it will turn into resignation to fate. I really loved what I am doing now, don't snatch it away from me. Who will hear me? No one. Can CL and Chay win the case? I doubt it. Not because they won't fight for it but rather the university is too rigid to welcome new changes. I had willingly spent my nights and sometimes Saturdays clearing up the work and tying the loose ends. I did all the setup, networking, connections. What has Z and SL done? Nothing, except to sit in offices, attend stupid meetings with stupid staff to do things that were obsolete. Who goes out to build bridges to make the School and university look more visible? US. Who are they to claim the credits and make proposed plans to support and continue the initiative? What do they know? They only know what is B&W? Emails tell me to do this, I execute it. Did they use brains? No, they only know how to pool people together to have meeting to put out the "fire" their own departments create. In the end, still have to call me to confirm. Why can't they call the Dean and Head of Programmes themselves? They are scared. If scared, then don't do it in the first place! Why make me feel like a disposable link?
Damn, I feel so lousy.
Tuesday, 1 January 2008
Happy 2008
For the first time, I am relaxing on the 1Jan...
Who doesn't dread 1Jan when you have to head back to school on 2Jan? After spending 6 years in primary school, 4 years in secondary school, 2 years in junior college, 4 years in University, 1 year in NIE and 3 years in BRD, take away the 6 months break after A levels, TODAY is the first time I do not have to report back to school anymore!!! Wohoo!!!
One word: SHIOK !!! :D
Time flew and it is another new year today.
2007... what have I done? In short, I parted from my first job, leaving behind hundreds of supporters in pursuit of my dream of seeing the world outside of school. I did not exactly landed in a world class fantastic job but I found a new boss who is very dynamic and knowledgeable, and who has high expectations. I still do work from home sometimes but at a more relaxing pace and with renewed passion and focus. I have more personal time and finally took up driving lesson. I got myself two Godsons - No. 1 = Davip aka naughty boy and No. 2 = Zhen Wei aka good boy.
2008... I forecast it to be a very challenging year. Aileen finally get to celebrate her birthday on 29Feb again, hoho. The projects which I am taking charge of are going to take off soon and whether I stay on target at my new workplace, it really depends on how well the projects will roll out. It is nervousness mixed with anxiety and excitement. I am going to take my practical driving test in May.
Yeap, that is by far, the few big projects which I can foresee happening in the year of the cute Mouse.
Another 365 days to plan for... Have you planned yours? Guess my naughty boy knows me quite well... he guessed it bingo when I told him my new year resolution is a secret... (means I have not thought about it last night :p)
Hopefully, the following can be fulfilled in the next 366 days (this is a leap year, folks)
1. Pass practical driving test
2. Projects take off well
3. Broadrician of the Year from 4EB 2007, Top scorer from 4EB 2007
4. To maintain my weight and waistline...
5. Make my savings grow, groW, grOW, gROW, GROW
6. Learn how to knit
7. Learn how to swim
8. Make my BaoBei loves me more, morE, moRE, mORE, MORE... wahahahahaha
Happy New Year to my blog-supporters. May the 366 days bring all of us lots of good luck, happiness, love, peace, joy and wealth.
Not to forget, let's make the world a better place for us, our next generation, our next next generation and on and on and on to live in.
Who doesn't dread 1Jan when you have to head back to school on 2Jan? After spending 6 years in primary school, 4 years in secondary school, 2 years in junior college, 4 years in University, 1 year in NIE and 3 years in BRD, take away the 6 months break after A levels, TODAY is the first time I do not have to report back to school anymore!!! Wohoo!!!
One word: SHIOK !!! :D
Time flew and it is another new year today.
2007... what have I done? In short, I parted from my first job, leaving behind hundreds of supporters in pursuit of my dream of seeing the world outside of school. I did not exactly landed in a world class fantastic job but I found a new boss who is very dynamic and knowledgeable, and who has high expectations. I still do work from home sometimes but at a more relaxing pace and with renewed passion and focus. I have more personal time and finally took up driving lesson. I got myself two Godsons - No. 1 = Davip aka naughty boy and No. 2 = Zhen Wei aka good boy.
2008... I forecast it to be a very challenging year. Aileen finally get to celebrate her birthday on 29Feb again, hoho. The projects which I am taking charge of are going to take off soon and whether I stay on target at my new workplace, it really depends on how well the projects will roll out. It is nervousness mixed with anxiety and excitement. I am going to take my practical driving test in May.
Yeap, that is by far, the few big projects which I can foresee happening in the year of the cute Mouse.
Another 365 days to plan for... Have you planned yours? Guess my naughty boy knows me quite well... he guessed it bingo when I told him my new year resolution is a secret... (means I have not thought about it last night :p)
Hopefully, the following can be fulfilled in the next 366 days (this is a leap year, folks)
1. Pass practical driving test
2. Projects take off well
3. Broadrician of the Year from 4EB 2007, Top scorer from 4EB 2007
4. To maintain my weight and waistline...
5. Make my savings grow, groW, grOW, gROW, GROW
6. Learn how to knit
7. Learn how to swim
8. Make my BaoBei loves me more, morE, moRE, mORE, MORE... wahahahahaha
Happy New Year to my blog-supporters. May the 366 days bring all of us lots of good luck, happiness, love, peace, joy and wealth.
Not to forget, let's make the world a better place for us, our next generation, our next next generation and on and on and on to live in.
Monday, 31 December 2007
Let's relax...
在一个风和日丽的下午，一个强匪在一条废弃的小巷抓住了正在回家的喧喧。
强匪：哈哈，你喊破喉咙吧，没有人会来救你的！哈哈！
喧喧：破喉咙！破喉咙！
没有人：我来救你了！
If you don't understand the joke, I feel so sad for you...
强匪：哈哈，你喊破喉咙吧，没有人会来救你的！哈哈！
喧喧：破喉咙！破喉咙！
没有人：我来救你了！
If you don't understand the joke, I feel so sad for you...
Sunday, 30 December 2007
What is happening to us?
Have you watched "I am Legend" by Will Smith?
I had seen it on Christmas Day and I loved it. Of course the beautiful and bronze well-built body of Smith's had scored many points! That to-die-for body aside, I loved the show because it set me thinking of what COULD be happening to us in the next 50years...
The show revolves around Smith and his dog, Samantha. It started with a doctor announcing the creation of a new virus which had proven to have cured human beings of cancer. Unfortunately, the same virus which brought hope to mankind destroyed the whole planet and civilisation. The mutated virus changed human to Dracula-like monsters; they could only roam around after sunset and they will be burnt to death when in sun. They are hungry creatures which preys after living things, like a cannibal gone crazy. Smith and his dog are immune to the new virus and the virologist stayed behind in the hometown because he strongly believed that he could fix the situation and bring mankind back to light.
What sets me thinking is the fact that the virus in the show wiped out the whole planet of billions of people, leaving behind only those few millions immune and struggling to stay clear from the night-seekers. The virus was spreaded around through air.
What hit me so hard in the face is the fact that the News and papers had been reporting for a long time of avian flu and bird flu spreading in different parts of the planet. What scares me now is the recall from the news that scientists are warning us every other day that they worry that it could soon mutate and spread from human-to-human and via air. Many people in Indonesia had died from the new virus. Recent newspaper reported that frequently used antibiotics are no longer ineffective in many Singaporeans.
Although I am not someone who is familiar with life science, even my ass thinks the world is really heading for trouble.
What happens in the show could well be our planet in another 50 years. The sad thing is, I would most probably be still around to see this happening...
I met Prof Obbard at my University two weeks back. He was waiting to do his presentation and I couldn't help but to want to talk to him. CL said that he is a well-known man in the Environmental Science domain. He is a very pleasant man and he is so friendly and shared many things with me. If not because I had to finish rushing the minutes for CL, I would really want to sit in his presentation! Prof Obbard introduced me to a documentary by Al Gore - An Inconvenient Truth and he even volunteered to lend me the DVD if I couldn't find it in our library.
I finally laid my hands on the DVD. One of my colleagues bought it. And, for the first time, I looked forward to watching a documentary.
Today 29December2007 Saturday, instead of spending the afternoon shopping in crazy Orchard Road in the post Christmas sale, I spent my afternoon enriching myself with a thought intriguing documentary which I volunteered to watch.
With terrorism constantly blasting over the radio, TV and internet, the attention paid to the health of our planet seems to be just like a lopsided weighing scale. What seems like catastrophes which are hitting other countries seems to be increasing in frequency and coming nearer to our doors and becoming stronger in intensity. Storms are more frequent and stronger, floods are more deadlier and droughts are covering bigger areas. Temperatures are getting higher and don't say you can't feel the difference in Singapore! Our dry period in the middle of the year seems warmer and drier. If you feel that 35degC is hot in Singapore, the highest temperature recorded in recent years is 50degC. And we are not talking about deserts, we are talking about cities getting more heat waves. The ice-bergs are melting and please don't be so naive that Singapore is well sheltered by our neighbours. We are surrounded by sea, my dears. Never before has ice-berg drifted and reach New Zealand and do you know how many of such big ice cubes had fallen from its main iceland? Do you know that there are polar bears who died from drowning because their home (the ice land) had melted and they had to swim for tens of km and still could not find any land in the middle of the ocean?? I laughed at the ridiculous news because how can polar bear die from drowning??? BUT I stopped when I tried to envision what the bear sees: NOTHING except boundary less water.. You die because you get so tired of swimming...
Have you been following the news lately?
I can't stop terrorism from happening because that is really a totally different brainwashed religion which is self-striving from unknown sources. BUT I could start to save the Earth simply by doing my share in the whole campaign. Al Gore's documentary may contain ballooned facts but one thing for sure, all of us could do our part to saving the planet.
I may be one of the few billions of people on earth but I believe my little contribution will go a far way to joining the forces of reversing the TO HELL track that we are heading. Not everyone can be a hero in the movie but ALL of us can be an ambassador to our planet.
Why not let's start by using less plastic bags?? ;)
Sunday, 25 November 2007
Shooting Stars
I woke up in the morning after a demoralising dream - I dreamt that my boss sent an email to tell me that I am lousy... - and began my Saturday with my driving lesson at 8am. We roamed quite far, from Eunos to Bedok, to Siglap and then back to Eunos. Mr Toh had originally wanted me to drive him to the petrol station BUT in the end, for reasons unknown to us, we can't find any petrol stations along the route I took, haha.
Anyway, BB brought me to watch 'Shooting Stars', a Cantonese musical at Downtown East yesterday. Both tickets cost $130+ and the ironical part is: I can't understand Cantonese...
It was a musical, featuring 40 golden hits from Canto history-making singers, Danny Tan and Leslie Cheung. Of course, the only reason I was there was because my BB was Leslie's fan and how can a loving gf leaves her darling BB go to the musical alone.. Moreover, he pays! Hahahhahaa!
BB shows appreciation to non-conventional songs, and he likes the songs because the lyrics are meaningful. O, of course S.H.E. is an exception because no one can resist the attraction of the 3 pretty girls right?
Luckily there was translation available and really, the songs had meaningful lyrics not like some of the catchy songs on radio nowadays. What is lao shu ai da mi??? Senseless lyrics.. Guo Mei Mei has a good voice, she ought to do better than that. Agree?
The musical linked up the story of the two shooting stars together with their buddy, Paul, a former famous HK DJ. The fate of the Musketeers was the same - like shooting stars, they ended their stardom life at the peak of their careers. Paul, because of his mounting debts from stock gambling, jumped down from his apartment. Danny, because of his depression, died from an overdose of drugs. Leslie, because of his depression, like his buddy Paul, jumped down from his apartment. Coincidentally, Leslie's death date was April Fool's Day 2003.
Why do some people choose to end their lives in the most silly ways? Perhaps we never did understand the immense amount of pressure that they were undergoing, that's why we would never know why they commit suicide.
FYI, ending your own life is a criminal crime. Although it is your life, you do not own it. I was told that the deceased will be handcuffed. It is such a degrading moment in your life isn't it, though you won't be able to witness the scene.
Every problem has its solution. Like Kok Shen reminded us, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Life is a journey... During the journey, there will be beautiful scenery, pretty flowers, animals and trees, clean and fresh air to breathe. Occasional thunderstorms and showers are nature's way to balance the ecosystem. The journey will seem harder to tread on but when the thunderstorms are over, the air smells even fresher than before, the fields look greener, the chirping of the birds sound happier. The land looks cleaner when the sun shines after the rain. Whether the destination is reached at the end of the journey is a bonus because along the way, new lands are discovered, new friends are made and new routes will be crafted.
Of course life must have a goal but when the goals are not met, we don't have to cry and give ourselves so much pressure isn't it?
I am not trying to advocate that a stree-free society is good. No competition = no improvement in quality of life. But to be overwhelmed by the desire for for more power and money, the reason why the journey of life is started is not aligned anymore.
There must be a reason why God or Deity created mankind isn't it?
Anyway, BB brought me to watch 'Shooting Stars', a Cantonese musical at Downtown East yesterday. Both tickets cost $130+ and the ironical part is: I can't understand Cantonese...
It was a musical, featuring 40 golden hits from Canto history-making singers, Danny Tan and Leslie Cheung. Of course, the only reason I was there was because my BB was Leslie's fan and how can a loving gf leaves her darling BB go to the musical alone.. Moreover, he pays! Hahahhahaa!
BB shows appreciation to non-conventional songs, and he likes the songs because the lyrics are meaningful. O, of course S.H.E. is an exception because no one can resist the attraction of the 3 pretty girls right?
Luckily there was translation available and really, the songs had meaningful lyrics not like some of the catchy songs on radio nowadays. What is lao shu ai da mi??? Senseless lyrics.. Guo Mei Mei has a good voice, she ought to do better than that. Agree?
The musical linked up the story of the two shooting stars together with their buddy, Paul, a former famous HK DJ. The fate of the Musketeers was the same - like shooting stars, they ended their stardom life at the peak of their careers. Paul, because of his mounting debts from stock gambling, jumped down from his apartment. Danny, because of his depression, died from an overdose of drugs. Leslie, because of his depression, like his buddy Paul, jumped down from his apartment. Coincidentally, Leslie's death date was April Fool's Day 2003.
Why do some people choose to end their lives in the most silly ways? Perhaps we never did understand the immense amount of pressure that they were undergoing, that's why we would never know why they commit suicide.
FYI, ending your own life is a criminal crime. Although it is your life, you do not own it. I was told that the deceased will be handcuffed. It is such a degrading moment in your life isn't it, though you won't be able to witness the scene.
Every problem has its solution. Like Kok Shen reminded us, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.
Life is a journey... During the journey, there will be beautiful scenery, pretty flowers, animals and trees, clean and fresh air to breathe. Occasional thunderstorms and showers are nature's way to balance the ecosystem. The journey will seem harder to tread on but when the thunderstorms are over, the air smells even fresher than before, the fields look greener, the chirping of the birds sound happier. The land looks cleaner when the sun shines after the rain. Whether the destination is reached at the end of the journey is a bonus because along the way, new lands are discovered, new friends are made and new routes will be crafted.
Of course life must have a goal but when the goals are not met, we don't have to cry and give ourselves so much pressure isn't it?
I am not trying to advocate that a stree-free society is good. No competition = no improvement in quality of life. But to be overwhelmed by the desire for for more power and money, the reason why the journey of life is started is not aligned anymore.
There must be a reason why God or Deity created mankind isn't it?
Friday, 23 November 2007
Work ---> BIG SIGH
Things aren't very rosy at work recently.
Work had since started to pick up its tempo in October and there I was, finding myself immersed in work again. I still bring things back home to do but it is not endless marking now. Instead, I bring back work which requires me to use my brain to think and strategise.
I was hired by my boss to start a few new projects in my school. The first is Graduate Diploma and Master and the second is workshops. Both projects are new to the university and I am put in charge to administer it and support my dean and programme director to push it to market.
The first GD/Master was scheduled to start in Feb 2008 but due to poor take up rate, it has to be postponed to July 2008. The first workshop which was scheduled to take place next Wednesday and Thursday had to be shelved till March 2008 due to poor take up rate again.
I feel like a jinx.. I am really upset.. I jokingly told my dean that and he said if that is really the case, then he will transfer me to President's Office. I asked why, he said, "Then the university will close down! I can't wait to get out of this place."
What an encouragement =.="
Sometimes, I really wonder if I am a jinx.
When Jason was with me, he kept failing his NTU examinations and had to repeat 2 years of his studies. Afte we broke up, he graduated from NTU.
Now that I am with Pak Kay, his journal and his phD thesis didn't look right and he constantly met obstacles. I don't know if he can complete his phD by end of next year. He worries about it everyday because A*star's scholarship will cease next year.
When I taught, no matter how hard I tried or how hard my students tried, they always fail Physics. What was the problem? I really have no idea but I can't tell them that... Ms Tan, I really work very hard this time, but still I fail. To this, I can't show disappointment but I had to put up my best smile and show them all my remaining love and encourage them to not give up.
I had the best class ever in my 3 years in teaching but they fell to pit bottom just before I left. I took the wager with my ex-Principal, I told him my class can survive without me. And they did, beautifully. But when I wasn't around...
Sigh...
I have a seminar talk next Saturday and because the confirmation was made recently, the publicity is limited. I am scared that no one will turn up for the seminar so much so that I had to resort to emailing my TKGS/TJC/NUS/NIE/BRD friends and almost begging them to support me.
Godson No. 1 once said I sounded more and more like a insurance person, always selling products. BUT, it is my job scope to make sure that my GD/Master programme and workshop sell!! I would use every opportunity to promote my new projects and even my colleagues are making fun of me sometimes. "There, she is selling her programme again..."
Sigh... There must be a way to promote and sell products isn't it? I was told that other universities put aside $1 million or at least $500k aside for marketing. My own university?? A pathetic $20k!! It is only enough for a 1/2 page 1 spot colour advertisement in Straits Times and Business Times for a day.
WHAT SHALL I DO????
Boss says I must learn to accept failures.
Where is my teacher?? I need someone to encourage and show me love now.
Work had since started to pick up its tempo in October and there I was, finding myself immersed in work again. I still bring things back home to do but it is not endless marking now. Instead, I bring back work which requires me to use my brain to think and strategise.
I was hired by my boss to start a few new projects in my school. The first is Graduate Diploma and Master and the second is workshops. Both projects are new to the university and I am put in charge to administer it and support my dean and programme director to push it to market.
The first GD/Master was scheduled to start in Feb 2008 but due to poor take up rate, it has to be postponed to July 2008. The first workshop which was scheduled to take place next Wednesday and Thursday had to be shelved till March 2008 due to poor take up rate again.
I feel like a jinx.. I am really upset.. I jokingly told my dean that and he said if that is really the case, then he will transfer me to President's Office. I asked why, he said, "Then the university will close down! I can't wait to get out of this place."
What an encouragement =.="
Sometimes, I really wonder if I am a jinx.
When Jason was with me, he kept failing his NTU examinations and had to repeat 2 years of his studies. Afte we broke up, he graduated from NTU.
Now that I am with Pak Kay, his journal and his phD thesis didn't look right and he constantly met obstacles. I don't know if he can complete his phD by end of next year. He worries about it everyday because A*star's scholarship will cease next year.
When I taught, no matter how hard I tried or how hard my students tried, they always fail Physics. What was the problem? I really have no idea but I can't tell them that... Ms Tan, I really work very hard this time, but still I fail. To this, I can't show disappointment but I had to put up my best smile and show them all my remaining love and encourage them to not give up.
I had the best class ever in my 3 years in teaching but they fell to pit bottom just before I left. I took the wager with my ex-Principal, I told him my class can survive without me. And they did, beautifully. But when I wasn't around...
Sigh...
I have a seminar talk next Saturday and because the confirmation was made recently, the publicity is limited. I am scared that no one will turn up for the seminar so much so that I had to resort to emailing my TKGS/TJC/NUS/NIE/BRD friends and almost begging them to support me.
Godson No. 1 once said I sounded more and more like a insurance person, always selling products. BUT, it is my job scope to make sure that my GD/Master programme and workshop sell!! I would use every opportunity to promote my new projects and even my colleagues are making fun of me sometimes. "There, she is selling her programme again..."
Sigh... There must be a way to promote and sell products isn't it? I was told that other universities put aside $1 million or at least $500k aside for marketing. My own university?? A pathetic $20k!! It is only enough for a 1/2 page 1 spot colour advertisement in Straits Times and Business Times for a day.
WHAT SHALL I DO????
Boss says I must learn to accept failures.
Where is my teacher?? I need someone to encourage and show me love now.
Sunday, 28 October 2007
我是幸福的
----- I am back by popular demand -----
My Chemistry teacher, Miss Ho, once wrote this for me in my Sec4 autograph.
"Life is like a valley of echoes...."As far as I can, I try to be nice to the people around me. To my boss cum crush, he is nice to selective people and frankly I find myself lucky because I belong to the category which he likes...
My philosophy may look naive and overly simple, but I ever told him this, "I am nice to people because I want people to be nice to me too."
"Not all people will return the favour. I have learnt this from the hard way..."
To this, I replied with confidence, "It has to start somewhere. When I am nice to people, I am giving them the opportunity to be nice to me!" I thought - life is a valley of echoes, kind actions echoes after kind actions, my teacher taught me that.
Sometimes when I am alone, I will reflect and think of all the people whom I met. From my Secondary school friends and squad mates from Red Cross, JC friends, NUS friends, colleagues from my temporary jobs, fellow teaching colleagues to current new colleagues, I am fortunate that I met kind-hearted people. Being the scattered brain me, I am lucky to have tolerant friends who are willing to bear with my silly mistakes and offer me their guidance and giving me all the patience.
From 'Ou-xiang' and 'Grand Panda' (good friends aka seniors from NUS) and my remote controlled car team mates - they tolerated me blowing up a power supply, tripping all the other power supplies in the same work-bench, blowing up another op-amp during testing and almost causing a short circuit in the bread-board during testing and having me aka walking disaster in their group..
Colleagues, mentors and students from Broadrick... Mr Lim Chi Yan, Ms Sin and Mdm Loe who guided me along while I was nothing but a disillusioned beginning teacher.. giving me the pat on the shoulders to encourage me to move on and instilling more hope and confidence in myself.. Ms Ngiam and Mrs Tan who are like my 2nd and 3rd mummies in my life, listens to me while I teared and poured out all my grievances and sorrows...
My students from my form classes 4EB 2005 and 2007... 4EB 2005 for letting me see the reason why I worked so hard for (I worked hard all because you needed my help more than anyone else)... 4EB 2007 for giving me their blessings when they knew that I was leaving, for telling me "Ms Tan, go for your dream' even though you know it will be a hard time for you to adapt to the new teachers and O levels is less than a few months away... No other encouragement from other people can measure even 10% of the strength of those simple five words "Ms Tan, go for your dream!" For you, I want to soar higher outside...
To me, my birthday is a very special day. Memorable ones include Wan Lee calling in into a radio station and got the deejay to call me on my 21st birthday to wish me Happy Birthday and singing the song to me on air... Wira 4EB 2005, the first student and least expected person to give me a birthday card when I thought that no one in the class remembers it...
Another special birthday celebration happened today. After tuition, Zhenwei, Kok Shen and Zhisheng surprised me with a birthday cake! Elliot and Jiaqi chipped in as well but were not around for the celebration..
It is not the card, the cake nor the voodoo dolls they gave which touched me. It is seriously the thought which mattered and weighed so much. It is their English and Maths O levels examination tomorrow and they made the effort to spend a portion of their revision time with me, the 'traitor teacher' who left them for the pursuit of her dreams.
我是幸福的, 不是吗？
CL told me in his office on Friday that someone from another department approached him and asked if he could release me and allow me to transfer to his/her department. Erm.. my organisation is going through a restructuring phase now... Mmm.. Naturally, I was flattered because I was actually head-hunted although it is within the same organisation. He refused to tell me who that person is but simply told me that he rejected the person with a big fat NO and even told me that if that person called me, I have the right to say no too... That means he likes to work with me right? :) To hear that implied meaning from my boss, it simply lights up my day almost instantly!!!! Oops, did I mention that he said he likes to work with smart people??? Hehe..
He ended off with this," I hope you enjoy working here. You have the right to reject the person."
In my fluttered heart, I was so excited (as usual) and I thought, "Aiya, I won't leave this department otherwise I can't see you leh!!!" OOPS!!! *shy*
"I won't leave because if I go to that department, I think I will become stupid and my bf will scold me. He says I must use my brain when I am working..."
CL laughed..
That same day in the evening, after some discussion in his office, he was smiling when he gave me a task to do," Can you be so kind to write a one page....."
"Huh?? You want me to write an Acad Board paper for you to present to the Board??" I did not even wait for him to finish his sentence.
He laughed heartedly!!! AGAIN... I think I am beginning to know him...
Wa, that was too much to handle in one single day. First he told me that I am popular in the organisation, then he gave me the task to write a proposal to the Academic Board.
"WA LAU EH!!!" These 3 Singlish just simply popped out of my mouth even before I could stopped them... Embarrassed to the core. Why? Cos I actually lost my composure and cool in front of my crush...
"Why? Too challenging is it?"
"Eh.. No.. I try.. I like challenges..." I replied sheepishly, banging my head against the wall mentally because I could not take back those 3 Singlish words!!!
"Good. You said your bf wants you to use your brain, remember?"
WA!!!
Can... No problem.. for you, nothing is a problem... :D
Gee, I am really beginning to like this job. You can say that I am thick-skinned, but thinking of it from a more encouraging perspective, that will mean that CL thinks highly of my abilities and potential isn't it? Because of him, I really feel the strong urge to want to further my studies...
Sigh.. he is going away soon for a university visit in UK. Going to be away for almost two weeks I think... On one hand, I am looking after to that because the boss won't be around.. On the other hand, I can't see him.. sad...
Don't be mistaken. I still love my bf and of course always love him only.. CL is just a office dream/fantasy to keep my mind occupied because he is happily married with two sons.
Life is looking good isn't it? I have people who love and support me. I have people whom I love and care for. I have a person whom I secretly admire... Life has never been that good :p
我是幸福的 :)
O! I forget to add. My driving instructor booked the practical driving test date for me on Saturday. The test will be next March 25.. He said that I improved alot, hehe :p I told him he was the one who motivated me to try harder because he advised me to switch to learn auto car. That is a big blow to my ballooned ego... I told myself this is a self-challenge - I must pass at the first attempt!!!
（：我还是幸福的 :)
Saturday, 22 September 2007
人逢喜事，精神爽
I heard from a friend, "Wa. You are the first graduate I know who fail Advanced Theory!"
My ego was bruised and I told myself I MUST PASS!!!
Desmond, I did it!!! So, am I a worthy graduate now??? (^_^)
It was a fruitful Saturday today. My morning started with the Advanced Theory Test and frankly, that irritating test is harder this time. Nevertheless, I PASSED! The sun was shining really high and hot but the perspiration smelt sweet.. :D
I hurried myself for the next appointment - my driving lesson at Eunos MRT carpark. I saw my instructor in a little blue car with a lady inside and instantly I wondered if that was his gf or wife. Haha, but who cares, it is none of my business.
I am not sure if it was the boost of confidence from the Theory Test, Mr Txx told me to drive out of the carpark today!!! Yeah.
"Let's go to Changi and back." he said.
In my heart, I was wondering if I could really make it to Changi and back because the last time he told me that, I ended up in Kebangan with the terrible experience of being stuck between two cars in a single lane...
My ego was bruised and I told myself I MUST PASS!!!
Desmond, I did it!!! So, am I a worthy graduate now??? (^_^)It was a fruitful Saturday today. My morning started with the Advanced Theory Test and frankly, that irritating test is harder this time. Nevertheless, I PASSED! The sun was shining really high and hot but the perspiration smelt sweet.. :D
I hurried myself for the next appointment - my driving lesson at Eunos MRT carpark. I saw my instructor in a little blue car with a lady inside and instantly I wondered if that was his gf or wife. Haha, but who cares, it is none of my business.
I am not sure if it was the boost of confidence from the Theory Test, Mr Txx told me to drive out of the carpark today!!! Yeah.
"Let's go to Changi and back." he said.
In my heart, I was wondering if I could really make it to Changi and back because the last time he told me that, I ended up in Kebangan with the terrible experience of being stuck between two cars in a single lane...
BUT this time, I really drove to Changi.. not the remote end of Singapore, nor is it Changi @ Changi Airport. I drove to somewhere near Temasek JC and it was cool! Shiok. What kind words can I use? Funny, because I felt no adrenaline after the drive. Perhaps, I do not have the energy to feel the excitement and perhaps I was really concentrating to make sure that the 1.5h today was going to be efficiently spent every single minute.
It was a rewarding experience. For 27 years, I had been driven around, by my father, my bf and my male friends. Never had I ever dreamt that I could drive a Toyota that far in my life. Of course, Mr Txx's hand would sometimes guide me on the steering wheel especially when I made a turn. It felt good that I am learning something, studying for a test, sitting for a test and passing the test. It wasn't easy to study and concentrate and I could empathise with those who are studying for the examinations now. I studied till I really dozed off, my head like the fishing line with the fish at the other end, bobbing up and down.
So, not only did I drive from Eunos MRT station (past that damn busy road) to Temasek JC and back, I did a little of reverse parking and U-turning.
I don't understand why controlling the car seems so simple to all my driver-friends but when it comes to myself doing it, it becomes such a complicated process, involving the hands, the legs and eyes and the brain, all to think and process and make judgement within the split second to move the man-made machine - CAR.
What else am I doing so far?
Junxiong was impressed that I have so much more time to do other things beside my work. I am giving tuition, learning driving and relaxing. I plan to take up an insurance course too. Haha, so that I can sell insurance next time and earn some extra cash.
Mmm... I should start to do my handicrafts too. Wan Lee's birthday is coming soon which also means my birthday is coming too. Should I apply for leave on my birthday? Mmmm..... Pak Kay's birthday is coming end of the year too, about 2 months. I have two DIY projects on hand now.
Looking back, I really had gone and achieved a number of things which I had no time to do in my previous job. Not bad. I even started jogging before I go for tuition during weekday evenings. It was only two runs around the field and my breath was almost taken away from me. The determination to motivate myself to move on struggled sometimes and I always tell myself that I have to finish this exercise without stopping and without walking. The perspiration at the end of the exercise smelt great, I want to leave behind the lazy PL.
Life looks a little more beautiful and eventful now. I see Pak Kay more often, I get to sleep more, and I get to do the things I want to do.. :D
Now, I must sit down and think of how I can earn more cash and save enough to go Europe/USA.. to buy another Gucci or Coach.. Haha... :D
Monday, 17 September 2007
Driving again...
I had my 5th driving lesson last Saturday... After a break of one month, I was back at Eunos MRT and back into that car. Frankly, I was so nervous AGAIN. Sigh...
Seriously, I don't understand why I am learning how to drive a manual car when the technology has evolved and all new cars are automatic cars now. That stupid clutch, is really driving me crazy!!! Simi half clutch, simi biting point!!! What the hell are those things?? Release too fast, the engine will auto reached off and the car will die in the middle of the road... Release too slow, the car doesn't move and the damn car vibrates violently. I really want to pull my hair.
In the end, my teacher said I have to go around in circles at the carpark of Eunos MRT.
He also told me to switch to learn automatic car if I show no improvement by the 10th lesson. Does that mean that I am really that stupid and clumsy that I couldn't control those irritating three pedals!!! I don't want to admit defeat so easily BUT the fact remains that it is really difficult to coordinate them.. To show my never say die spirit, I have decided to go learn driving every Saturday instead of alternate Saturday. Let's hope the money will be well spent...
I want to drive a car!!! Mmmm.. what should my first car be?? *dream...ing...*
Anyway, let's talk about something more interesting and that shall be my driving teacher! Hahahaha, gossip time...
OK, he is Mr T**, a 50+ man. The most attractive thing about him is his eyes... they aren't those big sparkling, long eye-lashes eyes but don't know why, I find his eyes attractive. Haha. Don't worry, I won't fall for old man because he is like my father, young-looking. He is a married man too.
Besides the fact that I was really nervous and clumsy on Saturday, I think he was very distracted too. Seriously, I feel that my 1.5h with him isn't fully utilised at all. Maybe it is because I had not passed my Advanced Theory Test, he is taking his time to teach me really slowly. Of course I need that because I can't handle if he speeds up.
The reason why he was distracted? His gf was quarrelling with him over sms!!!!
Now, how do I know about this??? Mmmm...
Because he lets me read his sms! Hahahaha... Poor teacher, he is Chinese educated I think, and his English is limited, probably limited to the car parts and whatever it is related to the car. So, whenever his sms comes in, he will ask me to translate for him. Of course he knows what the sms meant, but he just want to be sure. Since his English is PTE LTD, I will help him reply his sms to his gf too...
I felt so guilty in the car. Here is a unloyal married man, and I am actually helping him to reply sms to his gf, does that make me a sinful person too? But, it is his affairs and I can't simply change him for another instructor when I am comfortable with his teaching style just because he is two-timing two women.
There is one thing I learnt from him that Saturday. In an affair, the 3rd party woman has everything to lose; to the man, he has the best of both worlds.
That woman was jealous and angry because he broke his promise to accompany her that day. The smses were whiny (2nd lesson: woman, of all age, likes to whine) and he told me to tell her that he is not free on Saturdays and Sundays because he needs to teach and has to drive cab. I was so scared that his replies, typed using my thumbs, will cause a breakup!! He uttered with a full lung of confidence, WON'T BREAK UP. If there was to be a break up, it would have taken place many years ago. What arrogance! I pity his wife and I feel sorry for his gf...
I asked him if he could charge me FOC for my driving lesson and in return, I teach him English! Hahaha.. Of course he said no...
This Saturday is Advanced Theory Test combined with driving lesson in a span of almost 3h. Not sure if I can make it through.. Clutch, brake, accelerator, hand-brake, gear handle, signal, blind spots etc...
Seriously, I don't understand why I am learning how to drive a manual car when the technology has evolved and all new cars are automatic cars now. That stupid clutch, is really driving me crazy!!! Simi half clutch, simi biting point!!! What the hell are those things?? Release too fast, the engine will auto reached off and the car will die in the middle of the road... Release too slow, the car doesn't move and the damn car vibrates violently. I really want to pull my hair.
In the end, my teacher said I have to go around in circles at the carpark of Eunos MRT.
He also told me to switch to learn automatic car if I show no improvement by the 10th lesson. Does that mean that I am really that stupid and clumsy that I couldn't control those irritating three pedals!!! I don't want to admit defeat so easily BUT the fact remains that it is really difficult to coordinate them.. To show my never say die spirit, I have decided to go learn driving every Saturday instead of alternate Saturday. Let's hope the money will be well spent...
I want to drive a car!!! Mmmm.. what should my first car be?? *dream...ing...*
Anyway, let's talk about something more interesting and that shall be my driving teacher! Hahahaha, gossip time...
OK, he is Mr T**, a 50+ man. The most attractive thing about him is his eyes... they aren't those big sparkling, long eye-lashes eyes but don't know why, I find his eyes attractive. Haha. Don't worry, I won't fall for old man because he is like my father, young-looking. He is a married man too.
Besides the fact that I was really nervous and clumsy on Saturday, I think he was very distracted too. Seriously, I feel that my 1.5h with him isn't fully utilised at all. Maybe it is because I had not passed my Advanced Theory Test, he is taking his time to teach me really slowly. Of course I need that because I can't handle if he speeds up.
The reason why he was distracted? His gf was quarrelling with him over sms!!!!
Now, how do I know about this??? Mmmm...
Because he lets me read his sms! Hahahaha... Poor teacher, he is Chinese educated I think, and his English is limited, probably limited to the car parts and whatever it is related to the car. So, whenever his sms comes in, he will ask me to translate for him. Of course he knows what the sms meant, but he just want to be sure. Since his English is PTE LTD, I will help him reply his sms to his gf too...
I felt so guilty in the car. Here is a unloyal married man, and I am actually helping him to reply sms to his gf, does that make me a sinful person too? But, it is his affairs and I can't simply change him for another instructor when I am comfortable with his teaching style just because he is two-timing two women.
There is one thing I learnt from him that Saturday. In an affair, the 3rd party woman has everything to lose; to the man, he has the best of both worlds.
That woman was jealous and angry because he broke his promise to accompany her that day. The smses were whiny (2nd lesson: woman, of all age, likes to whine) and he told me to tell her that he is not free on Saturdays and Sundays because he needs to teach and has to drive cab. I was so scared that his replies, typed using my thumbs, will cause a breakup!! He uttered with a full lung of confidence, WON'T BREAK UP. If there was to be a break up, it would have taken place many years ago. What arrogance! I pity his wife and I feel sorry for his gf...
I asked him if he could charge me FOC for my driving lesson and in return, I teach him English! Hahaha.. Of course he said no...
This Saturday is Advanced Theory Test combined with driving lesson in a span of almost 3h. Not sure if I can make it through.. Clutch, brake, accelerator, hand-brake, gear handle, signal, blind spots etc...
Why am I putting myself through this!!!??!
Ans: I want my mother and my bf's mother to stop nagging me to go learn driving.... =.="
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