....Breathe Life, Don't Let It Slip You By....

What can You and I do?

2010-01-03T02:04:00.003+08:00

I just came back from watching Avatar.

I walked into the theatre with many wonders why so many people rated this movie with full stars, why everyone's aftermath comment is "This is the best show I have watched in my entire life"... I walked inside there with only one thought - I want to know why movie critcs said this movie marks the turn for 3D movies (of course for the better) and what charms does this movie possessed.

My afterthoughts for the movie?

I wouldn't say that this is the best movie I had showed but it is ranked one of the most thought-provoking movies. It left me wonder what exactly can you and I, common people, do to save the earth?

What is James Cameron trying to tell us through Avatar?

It is not that we do not know that global warming is real, not that we do not know that the giant pandas are facing extinction because of the loss of their natural habitats, not that we do not know that more icebergs are found floating nearer to our land and further away from where they should rightfully be, not that we do not see and feel that the natural disasters are getting from bad to worse, getting more and more deadly...

I once told my students that I did not have an air-conditioner at home. The reply I got: Miss Tan, you do not belong to this era. Sad.

I saw another post on Facebook the other day, the post reads something like this: No air-con? Kill me! Sadder.

I seriously thought education is supposed to make us wiser.

Am I getting too old and disconnected with the world that it made me realised just how short-sighted some of us are? Or, just how comfortable some of us are that we are only concerned with things which impact us the most?

Just what exactly can we do if you love Avatar so much and that it made you recall that "Hey, we are all part of Mother Nature"? Will you still remember this movie and the message behind the movie after the theatres take this down?

And yeah, if you realised I typed "did" for the air-conditioner, we have joined the cult of owning one at home. To defend myself, I think I can live without the air-conditioner since I had been living without one for the past almost 30 years. I had afterall, turned on the air-conditioner less than 20 times in my new home of 1 year and I had it on at 25degC. Am I less sinful than those who turned the air-con on every other night for 2 hours to cool the room down and switched it off for the rest of the night?

I am still keeping my little recycling project of throwing the empty plastic and glass bottles into the recycle bins, my mother is doing that now too! I am saving the used papers for the bins too.

I had switched to carrying one recycle bag in my bag always, of course, one is very often not enough, I still use plastics bags... At least I try my best..

Are these efforts enough, at the micro level?

Not sure, but at least I am doing my part.

Come to think about it, I like to throw things away, is this sinful too? Maybe if there is less impulsive buying in the first place, I don't have to throw them away and waste resources. It all adds up, at the end of the day.

As an ex-physics teacher, I remembered that I taught this: Energy cannot be destroyed nor created, but converted from one form to another. I just hope that this hidden energy that we have thrown to our backyard (because it is out of sight, out of mind) and the uncounted amount of natural resources which we dig up to satisfy our need for continued growth, whether in developed or developing countries, will not end up as a backlash to eliminate our race and ends our time on this beautiful planet.

We have come so far as we progressed as a race - Internet, air-conditioner, motor vehicles are things we can't live without anymore, there is definitely no turning back to savage the damage we had done to our environment. Slow down? Perhaps... if there is enough time and if many of single individual starts to think deeply at how interlinked all of us are to nature. You may not feel or see it, because we are so sufficiently provided. Think harder, we form part of the chain, teacher taught us in primary school.

Impractical and not realistic? Maybe.

At least I am doing my tiny little part to do what I can to save the earth from my point of view.

So what can all of us do to save our land?

I guess it is all up to each of us to think and decide.

All actions have consequences.

A simple song with a simple lyrics and yet how easy it can make a heart cry all over again

2009-04-21T23:53:00.003+08:00

An emotional 20+++ year old, yes I am. I couldn't help hanging on to this song by Air Supply. When I heard it on Class95 last night, the heart suddenly got swollen and ached with an unknown sense of longing and long lost pain.

Pictures of a love-torn couple came to mind, no particular people in mind, but the pain stood there. I stopped in awe of how magical words and music can be, stringed together in a particular manner and it will remain in the hearts of many. Whether you are listening to the song as a first person or a third party, words of less than 100 can so effortlessly paint a thousand pictures for this song.

It made me pause and recount how fortunate I am that I am surrounded by love, that 'Goodbye' is simply a friendly gesture of bidding a friend farewell, knowing that I will see him/her again really soon.

Suddenly, the 'Goodbye' which I got from him six years ago did not tear apart a well-dressed wound. What was left behind is a numbed feeling. He was my first love, beautiful but gone wrong. We parted and went on separate ways, is he happier now? I am not sure, but I hope he is because I know I found someone whom I am comfortable to spend the rest of my life with. He would always be a part of me, tucked deep in the private section of my past.

Dear Bubu, till we meet again, I want you to know that I am happy and I hope you are too in whatever you do. Thank you for being so cruel six years ago, I see now that we wouldn't have worked out in the end. Goodbye.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And I know how hard you try
You deserve to have much more
I can feel your heart and I simpathize
And I'll never criticize
All you've ever meant to my life

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me

I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why

My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but goodbye

You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to try
Though it's gonna hurt us both
There's no other way than to say goodbye
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I believe

2009-01-18T02:26:00.003+08:00

Lazy Saturday... but I liked it.

I cleaned my room today and I was so happy with myself :)

The hifi-system was finally wired up and singing Class 95 happily and yup, all my papers and bills were packed neatly into their files.

I saw Pak Kay's postcards and love notes for me when we were still younger back in 2003. Ha! And, I cried reading those notes. Funny how easy it was to forget the sweet memories we had and to dwell on the maddening incidents which occasionally sprang up.

When we started dating, he was in Birmingham UK doing his NUS student exchange programme while I was studying for exams here. We were separated by 12 hours, when it was my studying time, it was his sleeping time... we smsed each other when we woke up in the morning, when we went to sleep, wishing every moment that he would be back in Singapore asap! We even arranged for his date of arrival to be on our first month anniversary. But it was changed at the last minute...

I would look up into the sky and tell him to look out for the moon 12 hours later because it was too beautiful. Funny, but we were looking at the same moon but separated by thousand of miles.

We would go online to chat with each other before we went out to study or went to bed. For him, I would sacrifice my sleep so that I could start my day feeling loved and end my day feeling wanted too. 12 hours away, he in Birmingham will do the same too.

Once, I had a bad nightmare and woke up in the middle of the night. I smsed him and the next thing I knew, he called me to ask me if I was ok. Ah! I almost melted in my bed.......

We counted 1, 2 and 3, closed eyes, hands on the keyboard and started playing the Winter Sonata song so that for that few minutes or so, we were doing the same thing together although we were not physically. The feeling was magical. It might look funny but I really felt as if he was there with me...

Then he sent flowers to me on our first month anniversary. It was raining that day and I was looking out for the deliveryman. The roses were so beautiful.....

There were also postcards to look out for when he went away for touring around Europe after his exam. I cleared the mailbox personally each other and every other hour, I would check for sms. I would wonder what he was doing, if he was safe driving and when he would be sending me messages... I told him he had to send me two messages a day so that I can be sure that he was all safe because there was no way he could come online to chat with me.

Then, before he came back, I went to Changi Terminal One to check out where he would come out from the airport. Rehearsing where I should stand so that I could see him first thing when he came out. I did not go to Airport once for rehearsal, I went back thrice. And every time I imagined how the day he came back to me would turned out, I had to force myself not to giggle out. Because I was alone and everyone else around would think that I was a lunatic laughing to myself. But hey, they won't understand how happy I was.........

He said he loved me and we would celebrate many many more anniversaries together. He said our story would be beautiful and long........

I believe him and I still do.

For Yiru, Iris, Yihui, Elaine, Teeli, Desmond and Pal

2009-01-15T23:29:00.004+08:00

Really, if not because I saw the blog message, I would have headed straight towards facebook to upload my Greece photos.

So, yup, not bad, I still have a very few visitors to my blog, but never mind, as long as there is someone, I would do it for you. Who else wants dedication? Haha :)

Anyway, updates or Ms Tan's stories? How about updates but where shall I start before I start to bore you?

Year 2008 ended with many uncertainties, and yes, year 2009 started with the same boredom and resistance. Work is not something which I looked forward to anymore, and so I started to dream... not really dream, I started to do something to my new year resolutions.

License, not really yet. I tried to go for one lesson but ended cancelling it. Why? Because the instructor's was stationed in the East, to be more specific, in Ubi/Eunos. I thought it was alright to take train to Eunos and just go for 1.5 hour of lesson and head home... but Pak Kay and other friends reminded me that the journey itself would demotivate me because it was really very far!!! So, to save myself the trouble of training bus to MRT station, then from Lakeside to Eunos (worse, take bus to Ubi driving centre), I thought I would try to hide for an instructor in the West. I am barely two months at the new address, and since for the past almost 30 years I was in the East, I am really lost when it comes to finding someone to teach a clumsy girl.

And, I had started writing something!!! Muhahahaha! I started off on the new itouch before I go to bed when I remembered. Stuck. Because, I don't know what I want to write about. Guess I am trained to think of the unique selling point, and I had not have a theme in mind yet. No storyboard, just the name of the female lead. I had a few paragraphs of something and it was really not easy to be a writer. Just how did they spin things out from the air? Of course, romance stories are more or less the same, male lead is handsome, aloof, rich, proud, charimastic and smart, female lead is pretty, witty, sensitive, emotional, sensual, protective and the female always end up bringing out the best in the male. Detective stories... hard to write anything, because I do not follow news and Crime Watch, how to write something when I couldn't imagine a murder scene??! Sigh, so still stuck with no storyboard... think out of the box, think out of the box!!!

O! I just started my first Japanese class tonight!!!! Hehe... wa, I am very stressed because I am really learning too slow :( Pak Kay, A-mei (my cousin) and Huat (my cousin-in-law) signed up for the Beginner 1 course too. Pak Kay has phD (YEAH! He finally passed and is done with phD... I wonder when I can be Mrs Dr Tang... mmm...), A-mei has a 2nd class honours, Huat has a Master... all of them had such good track records, and I was just a Pass with Merit :( sigh... then during the class, they caught on faster too, they were on par with the sensei when we practised writing the Kirigana and I only had time to copy down the pronounication and I had so many blanks! Low morale.. I really have to work harder... Watashi wa work harder desu. Hahahahaha.

As for the travelling around the world part, I guess I will just have to enjoy the moments of uploading my Greece photos onto Facebook for the time being. I am so tempted to join Sharon and the girls for the trip to Japan in April but... I guess, let's save the money.

Hehe, I think I love Pak Kay a little more each day :p

So mushy...

But I like... Haha...

We talked about us, FINALLY, after being together for almost six years now. Not that I am looking forward to getting married, but at least, I got him talking about his plans and I told him my plans too.

"I want to talk to you." I said one night when he was at my place.

"What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"How old am I now?" I asked innocently.

"30," he said in a flat tone, paying attention to Baby and Maomao (both softtoys) than to me.

"Huh? How old am I?" I thought the politically correct answer should be 29 although I just turned 28 like less than 3 months ago..

"30!" he repeated. Damn! Ok, never mind, some people are supertitous when it comes to those ages near the end of the decade.

"How old are you?" I asked, changing topic.

"30."

"If you had a chance to go overseas to study, and I said I won't be going with you, will you still go?"

"Huh.. maybe lor... dunno, see first."

"What if I say I would go with you?"

"Is it? Then we go lor!!" he said excitedly.

"So, if you are 30 now, after your bond, you will be 32 and I will be 31. If you still have to do two years of MBA, by the time you finished with MBA, you will be 34 and me 33. Are you going to marry me?" I asked, slowly pulling him into my trap...

"Ya la!" he replied, still playing with the toys.

"When are you going to marry me then?"

"This year lor," he replied shyly.

"Do you have intention to have the wedding dinner? You can't get married as and when you want and expect there to be a hotel available for the dinner." I argued irritated.

"ROM this year then dinner next year lor!"

Gotcha! :p

"Then when are we going to have babies?"

"When you are 31 or so lor."

"So, you have no intention to save two person's time after marrying???" I want to faint...

"Then babies when you are 32 or 33 lor." O no, I am going to be a old mummy :(

"Ok.. then if you are going to study MBA overseas, who will take care of the baby?"

"You!"

"Idiot! I don't have to work is it?"

"Then I take care lor."

"You don't have to study hor?"

"Aiya, then we take turns lor!" As if things are so simple....

"So, when are you going to propose to me????!" I probed. Haha.

"How can you be so thick-skinned?" he was half shocked and half shy.

"It is not the first time that I asked you this question."

.......

That conversation had kept me happy for a long time... still happy... :D

We are doing more things together now. We are planning to go exercise together, maybe sign up for a gym package but how come they are all located in or near town? I have to take almost an hour to reach home :( no motivation... we are also taking Japanese together.... we have dinner together more often now too, because Mummy has to work, I can't cook for nuts, hence no dinner at home. So although Pak Kay's mother's cooking style isn't exactly the top on my list, I can save alot of money eating at his place leh :p plus, he can drive me home after that.. hehe, more time together :p

I want to be a xin fu xiao nu er... but can I choose not to cook? Haha.

1st January 2009

2009-01-01T03:46:00.002+08:00

Hey, hey, there! I am back from dormant state.... Not sure if my followers are still there. Knock, knock, anybody there??

Anyway, how was your 2008? Mine?

Nothing much to wow about. Is there any way I can tell the whole world that I have left teaching? Exactly how many people have I told that I was a teacher back then? And exactly how many did I missed out not updating? Not that I am irritated with friends who asked for updates, but I wonder how long do I have to continue to tell them "Erm, actually I have left and moved on since 2007..."

And holy cow, I hate 2009 already! Why? Because I just had my 28th birthday and if you look at my IC, would you think I just turned 28 or will you quickly do the Mathematics and conclude "she is 29."

UGH!!!!!!

2008 did not end on a good note.

First, I had overspent by almost 6x my average record and I am panicking on how I am going to clear that Citibank credit card bill...

Second, I had lost my soul for my job since I came back from Greece in November. Nothing fantastic happened, yeah, it is the first time I spent my birthday overseas and Athens decided to give me a surprise gift by a metro strike on my birthday. Yeah, there was no public train transport that day, we walked almost 4 stations. Not bad, it was a beautiful city. Remind me to write about Greece, I love and miss it.

Third, I am restless and want a change! Yes, again....

Someone asked me these two questions just before Christmas this year and left me with the most unhappy Christmas ever since I became aware of what this public holiday is about.

"Pau Ling, so are you happy? [waiting for my answer, I mumbled something...] Is this what you really want? [he caught me dumbfounded....]"

Yeah, that is it.

2008 left me unhappy, unsatisfied, lost and blind...

Why do we have desires? Why do we always wish that we know what we want and that we can get what we want? Why does time have to fly so fast? Why isn't there a time machine to bring us back to where we would want to start over a certain chapter? Why do we exist at all?

Guess these are difficult questions....

I think I am really restless. I have so many things on my new year resolution list:

1. I want to get that damned driving lesson by June this year!
2. I want to write a book to kick my imagination machine running again, it died on me years ago..
3. I want to learn a third language to keep myself entertained.
4. I want to learn cooking cos I can't go beyond preparing instant noodles.
5. I want to learn to play a musical instrument because I suddenly feel like wanting to write songs too.
6. I want to know the history of all the different civilisations around us. Religions too. Maybe go study history although the thought of sitting for exam is freaking me out big time.
7. I want to travel around the world because our pace of living is too fast, I wonder why we are always moving so fast for... Breathe in how other people live their lives, sip a cup of coffee, drink some red wine, wait for sun to set..
8. I want to start my own business although I do not know what I am good at so that I can leverage on it and make my passion my bread and butter.

A pretty long list, yea? Not in the right order of priority, but of course that driving license is top on the list.

I was thinking if I should really start writing something... with me being so long-winded, I bet no one will have the patience to finish reading through anything I penned down.

Ha!

If you made it through to this point, I want to say "Thank You" for bearing with my whiny and pessimistic thoughts.

I am just not coherent now. But I thought it is time I update my blog.

To all my ex-students: Sorry Miss Tan is way off from the usual chirpy self. Don't be like me okie? You should be happy that you are growing another year wiser instead of dreading that school is going to start soon.

Ok, I shall go figure out my thoughts and bounce back to be a responsible and cheerful girl soon!

Love all of ya and of course missing you too!

Another day closer to 31 December 2008

2008-06-08T21:22:00.002+08:00

I guess this will be another boring blog.

I had a bad dream last night. I dreamt that I had accidentally killed 2 people and had actually thrown their corpses into the giant fridge to hid them... And, I had pretended that I did not see them when others asked where they were... :(

Oh dear, why this silly dream??? Sob sob.... I don't want to be a murderer :_(

Anyway, Bao Bei was so kind on Saturday and actually went shopping with me without nagging, haha. We had dinner at BigO cafe at Wheelock Place. Conclusion: BigO and NYDC probably share the same dining chairs, including baby-chairs; BigO has better variety and quality of food; when it comes to mudpies, nothing beats NYDC!!! And now, we have 2 free dessert vouchers from paying with UOB credit card :p

Did anyone say it is Great Singapore Sale now? How come I don't feel it at all!!!???!?!! I used to study Economics briefly in JC and also in NUS as cross faculty module, it always talk about inflation and it always quote USA. I was like, why am I studying inflation, inflation doesn't happen in Singapore.... NOW, when the money comes out from my own pocket, I realise what is inflation. Simi a simple dress costs more than S$100!!!! #^*%^@P% I used to be able to get a decent dress at less than S$70 lor. Where is the sale?! I want to spend money but the items are so unreasonably priced that I felt the pinch when I touched the price tag. Bao bei says the stock market will plunge on Monday because the oil price per barrel has leaped a huge USD10 on Friday. We even went hunting for COACH at Isetan Shaw and Takashimaya. My most expensive item from Las Vegas is a USD160+ COACH handbag, even if the exchange rate is 2:1, I had easily saved S$500 on that bag (a similar size at COACH Isetan is selling at S$899 before discount!!!) Yohoo! No wonder COACH is a must-go stop over in USA...

Mummy tells me to stop buying unnecessary things for the time being because we are moving to Jurong West soon... Gotta save money to renovate the house.... Bao Bei says if his paper gets approved, the conference will be at New Orleans, USA, in December... hehe.... but I told him that Katrina swept across New Orleans... Eh, come to think about it, the setting of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicle is in New Orleans too, mmm.... I remember it right, right??

My godson ever asked me this question: Why Man invent money?

I thought that is quite a challenging question. If you look at it superficially, it is pretty easy to tell a kid the importance of matching the value of an item with a monetary amount. However, to completely convince the kid that money is not the root of all evil is on the other hand, quite philosophical.

As always, money can't buy everything but without money, life is really hard.

So before you head down to GSS, think thrice.

I am back

2008-06-06T00:01:00.002+08:00

Due to popular, Ms PL is back, wahahaha!

It has been a while since I had the time to blog, really buried under loads of work. Sleep less now, go to bed later, wake up at the same time every morning, Saturdays are burnt out too.

Feel stretched but CL said being stretched is good, because in a way, it means pulling out the potential that is hidden in everyone. He is my boss, I have to believe in him.

Many things have happened since I disappeared from blogspot.

In summary, while I was gone:
- I went to Las Vegas in March with Mr Tang and hid in his luggage,
- GT quitted and a few new colleagues joined us,
- Finally, I have a team-mate to share load with me, she is also an ex-teacher, name is THL
- Application for the graduate programmes under my charge is closed and only one out of three of the programmes will begin this July,
- I am still single and seeing my Mr Tang,
- I took up 2 tuitions,
- The Las Vegas trip drained me of my savings again (gotta start from zero dollar again)
- CL is getting more rebellious with the management,
- Kenneth and Ying are finally tying the knot on 14 June (after almost 8 years of courtship??)
- Another gf from TKGS is getting married in October but heard she hadn't done much preparation for the wedding and renovation of her house (getting married can be so tiring...)
- Yet another gf from TKGS said "yes" to the question "will you marry me?" recently, diamond ring is imported from USA, fiance proposed to her with the rock diamond of 0.75 carat (??!). That rock is so shiny lor.... $7k+ (-o-)!
- My younger cousin just told me that she has bought a flat with her fiance.... and yes, she beat me to it, I am going to be her bridesmaid, yeah!

Wa! What in the world is happening??? The whole world is getting married, how come no one proposed to me????!!!!

Sian, going to be 30 soon.... feeling jaded, growing fat, and still look like a secondary school student in front of people. How confusing is this combination.

Gee, it felt like just yesterday when I celebrated my 21st birthday. At the wink of the eye, I would be crossing into my 3rd decade spent on Earth.

THIS IS SO SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!

What have I done and achieved?
- Still left on the shelf with the reserved sign, waiting for owner to come and claim back....
- No fantastic academic record --> ultra saddening
- On the second job: interesting one cos I get to irritate pple and pple get to irritate me back
- Pumping in a lot of time and effort but still earn peanuts (which is more important? Self-satisfaction or money)
- Failed driving test --> an utter disgrace
- No savings to go for next holiday and to even get married

Wahahahaha... like very pessimistic hor? Well, I am very tired now, but the hair is still wet...

Ever heard of retail therapy??

Hoho... in just 2 days, I bought 1 dress, 2 belts, 1 pair of shoes, 1 Body Shop Hydraing Puree and 1 Body Scrub, that is about $200.... hehe. Disappointed with the pair of Charles & Keith shoes cos it made my toes so painful, still deciding if I should give it another try soon.

Will upload the Las Vegas photos soon.. We went to Grand Canyon, it is majestic...

**This is the result of sleepy PL attempting to post updates**

TGIF

2008-01-11T23:25:00.000+08:00

What is TGIF? Tsk tsk tsk... Thank God It's Friday!!!!

Finally the end of this tiring week is here. I was determined to keep myself happy today and so, the whole day I smiled to everyone.

Perhaps the whole series of events had taken its toll on me.

First email in the day was from CL, sent at 12.04am the previous night. It was the justification email for my promotion. He said he took half an hour to write it, gee, I am touched... Because the chance of me getting a two grades jump is slim, perhaps that is why he had to really scratch his head to justify his recommendation.

ShL said that she wants to give CL a treat, hehe... I want to chip in too. I think I owed him more than just a meal.

Yesterday he was joking over lunch that when he looked through all the CVs, he was shocked to see mine. His exact words - it is the ugliest! -.-" By some Almighty intervention, my pdf file became a txt file and all my formatting was gone. No pictures, no proper alighnment. He thought that the applicant must be very bold to send in such lousy CV. *Faint* And so, he said, he will look out for bad formatting in the next recruitment for the new administration executive.

O well, maybe it is Friday. Everyone seem to be in happy mood. Even G commented that CL was in good mood because he did not reprimand her today when she discovered that the lab allocation was in a terrible and messy state. For some courses, lab sessions were underbooked by the Heads and some were overbooked. She was still around when I left office at 7.20pm. Poor thing..

So yup! That wraps up the whole hell of exciting events this week.

Tomorrow is Orientation Day! Yeah!!! I am looking forward to it... Please please pray that it will be a smooth and fun day tomorrow! :)

I am the Unbeatable!

2008-01-11T00:18:00.000+08:00

This week crawled too slowly... I am tired.

The day started with CL meeting all the four of us: ShL, L, G and myself. We were due to receive our annual letter which tells us how much is our performance bonus, whether there is promotion and if there is increment. I am not expecting much, since everything will just be pro-rated (I am just half year old when they closed the accounts).

CL started by saying he will be holding back the VIP letter. Reason: HR left out the Deans when they opened the window period for nominee to be promoted last year!
Tell me it is a funny joke please!

How can HR make such a silly mistake? So you had conveniently left out the entire four schools of academic staff and admin support when you are in the midst of the promotion excercise? Come on, the University is not that big. With no schools, you think you can be sitting there and you have a work to do?

Anyway, HR is re-doing the promotion exercise for the schools and that is why we would not be able to see the letters yet. He talked to us in private and well, guess what? He told me he had intended to recommend me for a 2-grade jump upwards (simple English - promote two levels up) and had given me a A for my appraisal! Wa! Best news in three years of working life. However, the management felt that a 2-grade jump is too much and I had to settle for a single jump only, which means I will be Senior Executive instead of Manager. I was also one of the few who had the appraisal grade marked downwards cos there are only 8 people who got A and I am not in the top 8 list.

Of course the heart ached for a while. But, to get this far and with this kind of achievement and the support from my boss, I think it is more than enough. I am not greedy. I can slogged for you as long as I know why I am working so hard for. "... I believed you will agree with me that ShL and Pau Ling are head and shoulders above the admin managers..." This sentence is more than enough to melt the heart. Anyway, I told CL what I felt and I am blessed that he understood me and showed the willingness to support me.

As expected, Betty did not turn up at 9am today. Instead she called me at 9.40am and innocently asked me if I had read the email and if I could explain the whole situation to her. What the fuck! Don't act innocent in front of me. You wrongly accused me of not doing my share of work and did not even apologise at all. And you still expect me to treat it as if it is no big deal. For the first time here, I flared up. I could have been louder if she was there in person in front of me.

Determined to put that behind me, I went to Merrill Lynch with CL and Prof Chay. The meeting was so-so but the lunch was fun. Of course, it is because Ms Tan was there to lighten the atmosphere again. I made both of them play a word-search puzzle and compete with each other. Haha. Obviously the Dean had to win the game right? Hohohoho... It was an enjoyable lunch.

How I wish this week can be over soon... Not sure if there will be any confrontation or email battle again tomorrow. Saturday is our School's Orientation Day and I was sabotaged by my Dean to put up games for the students to play in the LT. I was initially looking forward to it. It will be my first time to handle close to 400 people and it will definitely be very fun. For the first time, I can show to other people that I am not just a tiny little girl, I am someone who is very capable... I challenged the system and the way others are doing things because I bother to use my energy to make the difference.

To my young blog-supporters: Thank you for your concern, Ms Tan won't fall so easily. Pardon me for using the F*** two times - this is the most appropriate situation to use that word so beautifully without myself feeling guilty of using it.

Another day which ended with a heavy heart

2008-01-10T00:02:00.000+08:00

The day started with a small tinge of reluctance to go to work after yesterday's episode of Angel Falling from Heaven. The mood forecast was "cloudy with occasional sunshine".

Nevertheless, the meeting before lunch went well and CL invited me to join them for lunch... Lunch was fun because I was there to lighten up the mood and to regulate the dry, serious topic with interesting and animated content. I did not managed to do much work today because we had to rush off to TTSH for another meeting.

The meeting went smoothly except for a tiny hiccup and it ended before 5.30pm. I can go home early, yeah!

When I checked the handphone, I saw CL's sms to tell me to call him when the meeting was over. For the first time, my boss smsed me to call him back - that must mean something really urgent happened.

Guess what?

He said Betty (who is heading one of the department under Zenon) called him to say that I had missed out a lecturer's address and they could not send out the contract to him in time. I thought WHAT THE FUCK! On Monday, I called Mavis (who is under Betty) and asked her why there is a missing contract. She said she did not know that there was a contract to be sent to Hong Kong and she had overlooked it. She had assumed that all contracts are Singapore-based and could have probably sent it out as a local mail. Fine! Very good... quickly, we decided to courier the contract over to the lecturer and I even wrote the email to apologise to the lecturer.

Now her boss turned the table around and said that I WAS THE ONE WHO MISSED OUT THE HONG KONG LECTURER.

Excellent job!

Your department screwed up my contracts and you accused me of not giving you adequate information? You are the best liar in the whole world.

CL said he did not believe Betty and asked me if I want to call her then or confront her tomorrow. "Tomorrow, cos I have no mood to talk to her now." I was that pissed off!

From Novena to Paya Lebar to my home, my heart never weighed so heavy. First, you want to take away what I had done and expects me to welcome your administration support with grace. When I handed over the job to you, you messed up the sequence and pulled me down into water, expecting me to drown with you. All the way home, I was praying to God to help me find the email which I had sent to Betty's boss to tell him to follow up. I know I did not make that silly mistake but I need BLACK AND WHITE evidence to redeem myself.

I am an easy-going person but I don't like when people accuse me of not doing my work well when obviously the person who screwed the process is not me. So, don't step on my tail.

I thank God that I found the email in my 'sent' box. I forwarded the email to CL and said I want to sue someone for defamation and asked if he wanted to chip in. In the email, I had clearly highlighted to Betty's boss that there was a HK address and there were two vacant slots.

Your honour, I rest my case.

The best part is, CL and Chay had confirmed that they will chip in money!!! Haha... The terrific part is, CL forwarded the email to Betty with cc to Provost and slapped her back in the face that she had not gotten her facts right and had wrongly accused Yours Sincerely. He expects disciplinary action to be taken and if she is unhappy, she is always welcome to come to his office tomorrow.

She won't come, I can bet till my last cent.

Cos she tried too hard to want to cover up her own ass and to think, I had treated her like a friend.

This is a scary place...

DON'T EVER DELETE ANY EMAILS.

Painful Monday followed by 'a bad fall from Heavens" Tuesday

2008-01-09T00:14:00.000+08:00

First Monday of 2008 kicked off with a bad stomachache. It was so bad that I was struggling to stay conscious. The pain was unbearable and I could feel all the blood concentrated at my stomach. I felt cold and I knew I looked pale. If I don't get to the toilet fast, I will probably faint at the taxi stand at Paya Lebar MRT station.

But the nearest toilet was so far away... I won't make it there especially when the morning crowd was a mad rushing herd of men and women. I turned to look for Victor. Luckily he was there! I must look really ugly because he got worried and asked me if I am alright. Although quite nerdy, he accompanied me like a gentleman to the toilet even though the staff bus came at the exact moment we left the taxi stand.

Now I knew what they meant by "the face as pale as a sheet of paper", I was that bad.

By the time we got to work, (cab fare was $21.20!!! - cannot claim) I was all weak and limp. No strength at all, plus stomach still felt hollow.

The first email I saw: a accusation email from SL to tell me to not try to act smart and should always check with her first before I sent email to overseas partners. Too weak to think, I simply forwarded the email to CL and added one sentence "Got shot" by SL again...

The next thing I know, CL stormed out of his room and starting cursing SL's department for attempting to complicate things. Limp, I just listened to him obediently and waited for his final verdict "we won't use the OUUK material". I thought, whatever you say... Then he channelled the email back and said I was merely acting on his demand and he had a different discussion and agreement with the OUUK people when he was in UK last November. I was glad that I had a shield although the sword had done its harm.

I slowly regained my energy and after lunch, I was feeling all chirpy again. I went to ask CL about the ASUS eee PC. I told him that L and GT will be attending my course and hence getting the PC free. ShL and myself won't be able to attend the course because there would be no one to cover duty. I asked him if I could get the PC and he said he will give it to me!! WOW, he remembered the promise he made... I got so high, I asked him at least 4x if he was joking and I even volunteered to record down what he said. Haha. He said I just had to find out how he could make the payment, he will write the cheque and I will get my PC. Yeah! But, he said if he is giving me one, it means he has to give another person one too. Of course, ShL will say yes right?? Wa, a $500 sleek laptop, even if I am not going to use it, I can always encash it lor!

However GT changed her mind about going to the course, so myself and ShL got the free PC, GT should get one from CL too right? I asked him but he replied with a fat NO. I was stunned. HUh??! He said he treats the PC like a gift to us for our good performance and he knows who is performing and who isn't... Simple English, he was trying to say GT had not been performing... Me, ShL and L decided not to tell GT about it lest she got upset... And so, my first Monday of 2008 ended on a high note, dreaming and looking forward to receive my ASUS eee PC.
____________________________________________________________________

First Tuesday morning of 2008 started with another email from Z, ally of SL. CL's mood was still unpredictable but I did not get the chance to talk to him at all the whole morning. The day was totally destroyed after lunch when he finally came back to his room and had the time to read the tens of emails in the inbox. He came out and asked me if I had seen Z's email and I replied with a simple "Ya." The rest of the next five min was the point when the lightning struck me.

CL "blew" up and said that Z and SL are going to set up a Graduate Studies Department which will be taking over ALL the work that I had started and going to recruit their own people to do the rest of the setup work. He walked into Chay's room and I was feeling like a total stranger for the first time. CL was really mad and upset that Z and SL had brushed my efforts aside. He said he had spoken to Provost and he was told to submit a proposal together with Chay to inform the Acad Board of the need for the School to handle our own postgraduate programmes and workshops. To my astonishment, CL said Z had gone under table and together with Z's boss, they had decided to set up that dumb Graduate Studies Department which SL will head!

Tell me how interesting private university works! "Great job" here. SL, I "love" you so much!

In simple English, this means that all the hard work I had put in for the past 6 months will be handed over to SL when her department got filled up. I will be like the transition middle person...

For six months, I had really enjoyed doing what I was doing here. For six months, I felt ownership of what will materialise in July 2008. Now, everything will be taken away from me. What's left? I don't know..

I jokingly told CL and Chay that they don't like me, so they are taking everything away from me.. I should go and find another job. What a dry self-mockery joke. Can you feel the slow descend from Heavens to Disappointment?

CL looked at me and firmed said, "It is not your fault, you are not wrong and you did not do anything wrong. It has nothing to do with you."

Chay asked, "Then SL will take Pau Ling into her department?"

"NO, over my dead body. She is not going anywhere. If she goes, all the three of us go together and look for jobs somewhere else." CL said with a conviction.

Shocked was too mild to use. In fact, he had overly-flattered me. He turned and said,"Aren't you touched? You go, we go together with you!" The hat was too big for me... please, give me a smaller one..

And then he stormed off for the meeting with President, telling Chay before he left that he is going to look for Provost after the meeting to give him some shelling...

Hello, Provost is your boss leh...

I should feel touched but I don't. In fact, despair had transformed into disappointment and very soon, it will turn into resignation to fate. I really loved what I am doing now, don't snatch it away from me. Who will hear me? No one. Can CL and Chay win the case? I doubt it. Not because they won't fight for it but rather the university is too rigid to welcome new changes. I had willingly spent my nights and sometimes Saturdays clearing up the work and tying the loose ends. I did all the setup, networking, connections. What has Z and SL done? Nothing, except to sit in offices, attend stupid meetings with stupid staff to do things that were obsolete. Who goes out to build bridges to make the School and university look more visible? US. Who are they to claim the credits and make proposed plans to support and continue the initiative? What do they know? They only know what is B&W? Emails tell me to do this, I execute it. Did they use brains? No, they only know how to pool people together to have meeting to put out the "fire" their own departments create. In the end, still have to call me to confirm. Why can't they call the Dean and Head of Programmes themselves? They are scared. If scared, then don't do it in the first place! Why make me feel like a disposable link?

Damn, I feel so lousy.

Happy 2008

2008-01-01T13:04:00.000+08:00

For the first time, I am relaxing on the 1Jan...

Who doesn't dread 1Jan when you have to head back to school on 2Jan? After spending 6 years in primary school, 4 years in secondary school, 2 years in junior college, 4 years in University, 1 year in NIE and 3 years in BRD, take away the 6 months break after A levels, TODAY is the first time I do not have to report back to school anymore!!! Wohoo!!!

One word: SHIOK !!! :D

Time flew and it is another new year today.

2007... what have I done? In short, I parted from my first job, leaving behind hundreds of supporters in pursuit of my dream of seeing the world outside of school. I did not exactly landed in a world class fantastic job but I found a new boss who is very dynamic and knowledgeable, and who has high expectations. I still do work from home sometimes but at a more relaxing pace and with renewed passion and focus. I have more personal time and finally took up driving lesson. I got myself two Godsons - No. 1 = Davip aka naughty boy and No. 2 = Zhen Wei aka good boy.

2008... I forecast it to be a very challenging year. Aileen finally get to celebrate her birthday on 29Feb again, hoho. The projects which I am taking charge of are going to take off soon and whether I stay on target at my new workplace, it really depends on how well the projects will roll out. It is nervousness mixed with anxiety and excitement. I am going to take my practical driving test in May.

Yeap, that is by far, the few big projects which I can foresee happening in the year of the cute Mouse.

Another 365 days to plan for... Have you planned yours? Guess my naughty boy knows me quite well... he guessed it bingo when I told him my new year resolution is a secret... (means I have not thought about it last night :p)

Hopefully, the following can be fulfilled in the next 366 days (this is a leap year, folks)
1. Pass practical driving test
2. Projects take off well
3. Broadrician of the Year from 4EB 2007, Top scorer from 4EB 2007
4. To maintain my weight and waistline...
5. Make my savings grow, groW, grOW, gROW, GROW
6. Learn how to knit
7. Learn how to swim
8. Make my BaoBei loves me more, morE, moRE, mORE, MORE... wahahahahaha

Happy New Year to my blog-supporters. May the 366 days bring all of us lots of good luck, happiness, love, peace, joy and wealth.

Not to forget, let's make the world a better place for us, our next generation, our next next generation and on and on and on to live in.

Let's relax...

2007-12-31T00:41:00.002+08:00

在一个风和日丽的下午，一个强匪在一条废弃的小巷抓住了正在回家的喧喧。

强匪：哈哈，你喊破喉咙吧，没有人会来救你的！哈哈！

喧喧：破喉咙！破喉咙！

没有人：我来救你了！

If you don't understand the joke, I feel so sad for you...

What is happening to us?

2007-12-30T00:21:00.000+08:00

Have you watched "I am Legend" by Will Smith?

I had seen it on Christmas Day and I loved it. Of course the beautiful and bronze well-built body of Smith's had scored many points! That to-die-for body aside, I loved the show because it set me thinking of what COULD be happening to us in the next 50years...

The show revolves around Smith and his dog, Samantha. It started with a doctor announcing the creation of a new virus which had proven to have cured human beings of cancer. Unfortunately, the same virus which brought hope to mankind destroyed the whole planet and civilisation. The mutated virus changed human to Dracula-like monsters; they could only roam around after sunset and they will be burnt to death when in sun. They are hungry creatures which preys after living things, like a cannibal gone crazy. Smith and his dog are immune to the new virus and the virologist stayed behind in the hometown because he strongly believed that he could fix the situation and bring mankind back to light.

What sets me thinking is the fact that the virus in the show wiped out the whole planet of billions of people, leaving behind only those few millions immune and struggling to stay clear from the night-seekers. The virus was spreaded around through air.

What hit me so hard in the face is the fact that the News and papers had been reporting for a long time of avian flu and bird flu spreading in different parts of the planet. What scares me now is the recall from the news that scientists are warning us every other day that they worry that it could soon mutate and spread from human-to-human and via air. Many people in Indonesia had died from the new virus. Recent newspaper reported that frequently used antibiotics are no longer ineffective in many Singaporeans.

Although I am not someone who is familiar with life science, even my ass thinks the world is really heading for trouble.

What happens in the show could well be our planet in another 50 years. The sad thing is, I would most probably be still around to see this happening...

I met Prof Obbard at my University two weeks back. He was waiting to do his presentation and I couldn't help but to want to talk to him. CL said that he is a well-known man in the Environmental Science domain. He is a very pleasant man and he is so friendly and shared many things with me. If not because I had to finish rushing the minutes for CL, I would really want to sit in his presentation! Prof Obbard introduced me to a documentary by Al Gore - An Inconvenient Truth and he even volunteered to lend me the DVD if I couldn't find it in our library.

I finally laid my hands on the DVD. One of my colleagues bought it. And, for the first time, I looked forward to watching a documentary.

Today 29December2007 Saturday, instead of spending the afternoon shopping in crazy Orchard Road in the post Christmas sale, I spent my afternoon enriching myself with a thought intriguing documentary which I volunteered to watch.

With terrorism constantly blasting over the radio, TV and internet, the attention paid to the health of our planet seems to be just like a lopsided weighing scale. What seems like catastrophes which are hitting other countries seems to be increasing in frequency and coming nearer to our doors and becoming stronger in intensity. Storms are more frequent and stronger, floods are more deadlier and droughts are covering bigger areas. Temperatures are getting higher and don't say you can't feel the difference in Singapore! Our dry period in the middle of the year seems warmer and drier. If you feel that 35degC is hot in Singapore, the highest temperature recorded in recent years is 50degC. And we are not talking about deserts, we are talking about cities getting more heat waves. The ice-bergs are melting and please don't be so naive that Singapore is well sheltered by our neighbours. We are surrounded by sea, my dears. Never before has ice-berg drifted and reach New Zealand and do you know how many of such big ice cubes had fallen from its main iceland? Do you know that there are polar bears who died from drowning because their home (the ice land) had melted and they had to swim for tens of km and still could not find any land in the middle of the ocean?? I laughed at the ridiculous news because how can polar bear die from drowning??? BUT I stopped when I tried to envision what the bear sees: NOTHING except boundary less water.. You die because you get so tired of swimming...

Have you been following the news lately?

I can't stop terrorism from happening because that is really a totally different brainwashed religion which is self-striving from unknown sources. BUT I could start to save the Earth simply by doing my share in the whole campaign. Al Gore's documentary may contain ballooned facts but one thing for sure, all of us could do our part to saving the planet.

I may be one of the few billions of people on earth but I believe my little contribution will go a far way to joining the forces of reversing the TO HELL track that we are heading. Not everyone can be a hero in the movie but ALL of us can be an ambassador to our planet.

Why not let's start by using less plastic bags?? ;)

Shooting Stars

2007-11-25T16:48:00.000+08:00

I woke up in the morning after a demoralising dream - I dreamt that my boss sent an email to tell me that I am lousy... - and began my Saturday with my driving lesson at 8am. We roamed quite far, from Eunos to Bedok, to Siglap and then back to Eunos. Mr Toh had originally wanted me to drive him to the petrol station BUT in the end, for reasons unknown to us, we can't find any petrol stations along the route I took, haha.

Anyway, BB brought me to watch 'Shooting Stars', a Cantonese musical at Downtown East yesterday. Both tickets cost $130+ and the ironical part is: I can't understand Cantonese...

It was a musical, featuring 40 golden hits from Canto history-making singers, Danny Tan and Leslie Cheung. Of course, the only reason I was there was because my BB was Leslie's fan and how can a loving gf leaves her darling BB go to the musical alone.. Moreover, he pays! Hahahhahaa!

BB shows appreciation to non-conventional songs, and he likes the songs because the lyrics are meaningful. O, of course S.H.E. is an exception because no one can resist the attraction of the 3 pretty girls right?

Luckily there was translation available and really, the songs had meaningful lyrics not like some of the catchy songs on radio nowadays. What is lao shu ai da mi??? Senseless lyrics.. Guo Mei Mei has a good voice, she ought to do better than that. Agree?

The musical linked up the story of the two shooting stars together with their buddy, Paul, a former famous HK DJ. The fate of the Musketeers was the same - like shooting stars, they ended their stardom life at the peak of their careers. Paul, because of his mounting debts from stock gambling, jumped down from his apartment. Danny, because of his depression, died from an overdose of drugs. Leslie, because of his depression, like his buddy Paul, jumped down from his apartment. Coincidentally, Leslie's death date was April Fool's Day 2003.

Why do some people choose to end their lives in the most silly ways? Perhaps we never did understand the immense amount of pressure that they were undergoing, that's why we would never know why they commit suicide.

FYI, ending your own life is a criminal crime. Although it is your life, you do not own it. I was told that the deceased will be handcuffed. It is such a degrading moment in your life isn't it, though you won't be able to witness the scene.

Every problem has its solution. Like Kok Shen reminded us, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Life is a journey... During the journey, there will be beautiful scenery, pretty flowers, animals and trees, clean and fresh air to breathe. Occasional thunderstorms and showers are nature's way to balance the ecosystem. The journey will seem harder to tread on but when the thunderstorms are over, the air smells even fresher than before, the fields look greener, the chirping of the birds sound happier. The land looks cleaner when the sun shines after the rain. Whether the destination is reached at the end of the journey is a bonus because along the way, new lands are discovered, new friends are made and new routes will be crafted.

Of course life must have a goal but when the goals are not met, we don't have to cry and give ourselves so much pressure isn't it?

I am not trying to advocate that a stree-free society is good. No competition = no improvement in quality of life. But to be overwhelmed by the desire for for more power and money, the reason why the journey of life is started is not aligned anymore.

There must be a reason why God or Deity created mankind isn't it?

Work ---> BIG SIGH

2007-11-23T21:23:00.001+08:00

Things aren't very rosy at work recently.

Work had since started to pick up its tempo in October and there I was, finding myself immersed in work again. I still bring things back home to do but it is not endless marking now. Instead, I bring back work which requires me to use my brain to think and strategise.

I was hired by my boss to start a few new projects in my school. The first is Graduate Diploma and Master and the second is workshops. Both projects are new to the university and I am put in charge to administer it and support my dean and programme director to push it to market.

The first GD/Master was scheduled to start in Feb 2008 but due to poor take up rate, it has to be postponed to July 2008. The first workshop which was scheduled to take place next Wednesday and Thursday had to be shelved till March 2008 due to poor take up rate again.

I feel like a jinx.. I am really upset.. I jokingly told my dean that and he said if that is really the case, then he will transfer me to President's Office. I asked why, he said, "Then the university will close down! I can't wait to get out of this place."

What an encouragement =.="

Sometimes, I really wonder if I am a jinx.

When Jason was with me, he kept failing his NTU examinations and had to repeat 2 years of his studies. Afte we broke up, he graduated from NTU.

Now that I am with Pak Kay, his journal and his phD thesis didn't look right and he constantly met obstacles. I don't know if he can complete his phD by end of next year. He worries about it everyday because A*star's scholarship will cease next year.

When I taught, no matter how hard I tried or how hard my students tried, they always fail Physics. What was the problem? I really have no idea but I can't tell them that... Ms Tan, I really work very hard this time, but still I fail. To this, I can't show disappointment but I had to put up my best smile and show them all my remaining love and encourage them to not give up.

I had the best class ever in my 3 years in teaching but they fell to pit bottom just before I left. I took the wager with my ex-Principal, I told him my class can survive without me. And they did, beautifully. But when I wasn't around...

Sigh...

I have a seminar talk next Saturday and because the confirmation was made recently, the publicity is limited. I am scared that no one will turn up for the seminar so much so that I had to resort to emailing my TKGS/TJC/NUS/NIE/BRD friends and almost begging them to support me.

Godson No. 1 once said I sounded more and more like a insurance person, always selling products. BUT, it is my job scope to make sure that my GD/Master programme and workshop sell!! I would use every opportunity to promote my new projects and even my colleagues are making fun of me sometimes. "There, she is selling her programme again..."

Sigh... There must be a way to promote and sell products isn't it? I was told that other universities put aside $1 million or at least $500k aside for marketing. My own university?? A pathetic $20k!! It is only enough for a 1/2 page 1 spot colour advertisement in Straits Times and Business Times for a day.

WHAT SHALL I DO????

Boss says I must learn to accept failures.

Where is my teacher?? I need someone to encourage and show me love now.

我是幸福的

2007-10-28T21:24:00.000+08:00

----- I am back by popular demand -----

My Chemistry teacher, Miss Ho, once wrote this for me in my Sec4 autograph.

"Life is like a valley of echoes...."

As far as I can, I try to be nice to the people around me. To my boss cum crush, he is nice to selective people and frankly I find myself lucky because I belong to the category which he likes...

My philosophy may look naive and overly simple, but I ever told him this, "I am nice to people because I want people to be nice to me too."

"Not all people will return the favour. I have learnt this from the hard way..."

To this, I replied with confidence, "It has to start somewhere. When I am nice to people, I am giving them the opportunity to be nice to me!" I thought - life is a valley of echoes, kind actions echoes after kind actions, my teacher taught me that.

Sometimes when I am alone, I will reflect and think of all the people whom I met. From my Secondary school friends and squad mates from Red Cross, JC friends, NUS friends, colleagues from my temporary jobs, fellow teaching colleagues to current new colleagues, I am fortunate that I met kind-hearted people. Being the scattered brain me, I am lucky to have tolerant friends who are willing to bear with my silly mistakes and offer me their guidance and giving me all the patience.

From 'Ou-xiang' and 'Grand Panda' (good friends aka seniors from NUS) and my remote controlled car team mates - they tolerated me blowing up a power supply, tripping all the other power supplies in the same work-bench, blowing up another op-amp during testing and almost causing a short circuit in the bread-board during testing and having me aka walking disaster in their group..

Colleagues, mentors and students from Broadrick... Mr Lim Chi Yan, Ms Sin and Mdm Loe who guided me along while I was nothing but a disillusioned beginning teacher.. giving me the pat on the shoulders to encourage me to move on and instilling more hope and confidence in myself.. Ms Ngiam and Mrs Tan who are like my 2nd and 3rd mummies in my life, listens to me while I teared and poured out all my grievances and sorrows...

My students from my form classes 4EB 2005 and 2007... 4EB 2005 for letting me see the reason why I worked so hard for (I worked hard all because you needed my help more than anyone else)... 4EB 2007 for giving me their blessings when they knew that I was leaving, for telling me "Ms Tan, go for your dream' even though you know it will be a hard time for you to adapt to the new teachers and O levels is less than a few months away... No other encouragement from other people can measure even 10% of the strength of those simple five words "Ms Tan, go for your dream!" For you, I want to soar higher outside...

To me, my birthday is a very special day. Memorable ones include Wan Lee calling in into a radio station and got the deejay to call me on my 21st birthday to wish me Happy Birthday and singing the song to me on air... Wira 4EB 2005, the first student and least expected person to give me a birthday card when I thought that no one in the class remembers it...

Another special birthday celebration happened today. After tuition, Zhenwei, Kok Shen and Zhisheng surprised me with a birthday cake! Elliot and Jiaqi chipped in as well but were not around for the celebration..

It is not the card, the cake nor the voodoo dolls they gave which touched me. It is seriously the thought which mattered and weighed so much. It is their English and Maths O levels examination tomorrow and they made the effort to spend a portion of their revision time with me, the 'traitor teacher' who left them for the pursuit of her dreams.

我是幸福的, 不是吗？

CL told me in his office on Friday that someone from another department approached him and asked if he could release me and allow me to transfer to his/her department. Erm.. my organisation is going through a restructuring phase now... Mmm.. Naturally, I was flattered because I was actually head-hunted although it is within the same organisation. He refused to tell me who that person is but simply told me that he rejected the person with a big fat NO and even told me that if that person called me, I have the right to say no too... That means he likes to work with me right? :) To hear that implied meaning from my boss, it simply lights up my day almost instantly!!!! Oops, did I mention that he said he likes to work with smart people??? Hehe..

He ended off with this," I hope you enjoy working here. You have the right to reject the person."

In my fluttered heart, I was so excited (as usual) and I thought, "Aiya, I won't leave this department otherwise I can't see you leh!!!" OOPS!!! *shy*

"I won't leave because if I go to that department, I think I will become stupid and my bf will scold me. He says I must use my brain when I am working..."

CL laughed..

That same day in the evening, after some discussion in his office, he was smiling when he gave me a task to do," Can you be so kind to write a one page....."

"Huh?? You want me to write an Acad Board paper for you to present to the Board??" I did not even wait for him to finish his sentence.

He laughed heartedly!!! AGAIN... I think I am beginning to know him...

Wa, that was too much to handle in one single day. First he told me that I am popular in the organisation, then he gave me the task to write a proposal to the Academic Board.

"WA LAU EH!!!" These 3 Singlish just simply popped out of my mouth even before I could stopped them... Embarrassed to the core. Why? Cos I actually lost my composure and cool in front of my crush...

"Why? Too challenging is it?"

"Eh.. No.. I try.. I like challenges..." I replied sheepishly, banging my head against the wall mentally because I could not take back those 3 Singlish words!!!

"Good. You said your bf wants you to use your brain, remember?"

WA!!!

Can... No problem.. for you, nothing is a problem... :D

Gee, I am really beginning to like this job. You can say that I am thick-skinned, but thinking of it from a more encouraging perspective, that will mean that CL thinks highly of my abilities and potential isn't it? Because of him, I really feel the strong urge to want to further my studies...

Sigh.. he is going away soon for a university visit in UK. Going to be away for almost two weeks I think... On one hand, I am looking after to that because the boss won't be around.. On the other hand, I can't see him.. sad...

Don't be mistaken. I still love my bf and of course always love him only.. CL is just a office dream/fantasy to keep my mind occupied because he is happily married with two sons.

Life is looking good isn't it? I have people who love and support me. I have people whom I love and care for. I have a person whom I secretly admire... Life has never been that good :p

我是幸福的 :)

O! I forget to add. My driving instructor booked the practical driving test date for me on Saturday. The test will be next March 25.. He said that I improved alot, hehe :p I told him he was the one who motivated me to try harder because he advised me to switch to learn auto car. That is a big blow to my ballooned ego... I told myself this is a self-challenge - I must pass at the first attempt!!!

（：我还是幸福的 :)

人逢喜事，精神爽

2007-09-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

I heard from a friend, "Wa. You are the first graduate I know who fail Advanced Theory!"

My ego was bruised and I told myself I MUST PASS!!!

Desmond, I did it!!! So, am I a worthy graduate now??? (^_^)

It was a fruitful Saturday today. My morning started with the Advanced Theory Test and frankly, that irritating test is harder this time. Nevertheless, I PASSED! The sun was shining really high and hot but the perspiration smelt sweet.. :D

I hurried myself for the next appointment - my driving lesson at Eunos MRT carpark. I saw my instructor in a little blue car with a lady inside and instantly I wondered if that was his gf or wife. Haha, but who cares, it is none of my business.

I am not sure if it was the boost of confidence from the Theory Test, Mr Txx told me to drive out of the carpark today!!! Yeah.

"Let's go to Changi and back." he said.

In my heart, I was wondering if I could really make it to Changi and back because the last time he told me that, I ended up in Kebangan with the terrible experience of being stuck between two cars in a single lane...

BUT this time, I really drove to Changi.. not the remote end of Singapore, nor is it Changi @ Changi Airport. I drove to somewhere near Temasek JC and it was cool! Shiok. What kind words can I use? Funny, because I felt no adrenaline after the drive. Perhaps, I do not have the energy to feel the excitement and perhaps I was really concentrating to make sure that the 1.5h today was going to be efficiently spent every single minute.

It was a rewarding experience. For 27 years, I had been driven around, by my father, my bf and my male friends. Never had I ever dreamt that I could drive a Toyota that far in my life. Of course, Mr Txx's hand would sometimes guide me on the steering wheel especially when I made a turn. It felt good that I am learning something, studying for a test, sitting for a test and passing the test. It wasn't easy to study and concentrate and I could empathise with those who are studying for the examinations now. I studied till I really dozed off, my head like the fishing line with the fish at the other end, bobbing up and down.

So, not only did I drive from Eunos MRT station (past that damn busy road) to Temasek JC and back, I did a little of reverse parking and U-turning.

I don't understand why controlling the car seems so simple to all my driver-friends but when it comes to myself doing it, it becomes such a complicated process, involving the hands, the legs and eyes and the brain, all to think and process and make judgement within the split second to move the man-made machine - CAR.

What else am I doing so far?

Junxiong was impressed that I have so much more time to do other things beside my work. I am giving tuition, learning driving and relaxing. I plan to take up an insurance course too. Haha, so that I can sell insurance next time and earn some extra cash.

Mmm... I should start to do my handicrafts too. Wan Lee's birthday is coming soon which also means my birthday is coming too. Should I apply for leave on my birthday? Mmmm..... Pak Kay's birthday is coming end of the year too, about 2 months. I have two DIY projects on hand now.

Looking back, I really had gone and achieved a number of things which I had no time to do in my previous job. Not bad. I even started jogging before I go for tuition during weekday evenings. It was only two runs around the field and my breath was almost taken away from me. The determination to motivate myself to move on struggled sometimes and I always tell myself that I have to finish this exercise without stopping and without walking. The perspiration at the end of the exercise smelt great, I want to leave behind the lazy PL.

Life looks a little more beautiful and eventful now. I see Pak Kay more often, I get to sleep more, and I get to do the things I want to do.. :D

Now, I must sit down and think of how I can earn more cash and save enough to go Europe/USA.. to buy another Gucci or Coach.. Haha... :D

Driving again...

2007-09-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

I had my 5th driving lesson last Saturday... After a break of one month, I was back at Eunos MRT and back into that car. Frankly, I was so nervous AGAIN. Sigh...

Seriously, I don't understand why I am learning how to drive a manual car when the technology has evolved and all new cars are automatic cars now. That stupid clutch, is really driving me crazy!!! Simi half clutch, simi biting point!!! What the hell are those things?? Release too fast, the engine will auto reached off and the car will die in the middle of the road... Release too slow, the car doesn't move and the damn car vibrates violently. I really want to pull my hair.

In the end, my teacher said I have to go around in circles at the carpark of Eunos MRT.

He also told me to switch to learn automatic car if I show no improvement by the 10th lesson. Does that mean that I am really that stupid and clumsy that I couldn't control those irritating three pedals!!! I don't want to admit defeat so easily BUT the fact remains that it is really difficult to coordinate them.. To show my never say die spirit, I have decided to go learn driving every Saturday instead of alternate Saturday. Let's hope the money will be well spent...

I want to drive a car!!! Mmmm.. what should my first car be?? *dream...ing...*

Anyway, let's talk about something more interesting and that shall be my driving teacher! Hahahaha, gossip time...

OK, he is Mr T**, a 50+ man. The most attractive thing about him is his eyes... they aren't those big sparkling, long eye-lashes eyes but don't know why, I find his eyes attractive. Haha. Don't worry, I won't fall for old man because he is like my father, young-looking. He is a married man too.

Besides the fact that I was really nervous and clumsy on Saturday, I think he was very distracted too. Seriously, I feel that my 1.5h with him isn't fully utilised at all. Maybe it is because I had not passed my Advanced Theory Test, he is taking his time to teach me really slowly. Of course I need that because I can't handle if he speeds up.

The reason why he was distracted? His gf was quarrelling with him over sms!!!!

Now, how do I know about this??? Mmmm...

Because he lets me read his sms! Hahahaha... Poor teacher, he is Chinese educated I think, and his English is limited, probably limited to the car parts and whatever it is related to the car. So, whenever his sms comes in, he will ask me to translate for him. Of course he knows what the sms meant, but he just want to be sure. Since his English is PTE LTD, I will help him reply his sms to his gf too...

I felt so guilty in the car. Here is a unloyal married man, and I am actually helping him to reply sms to his gf, does that make me a sinful person too? But, it is his affairs and I can't simply change him for another instructor when I am comfortable with his teaching style just because he is two-timing two women.

There is one thing I learnt from him that Saturday. In an affair, the 3rd party woman has everything to lose; to the man, he has the best of both worlds.

That woman was jealous and angry because he broke his promise to accompany her that day. The smses were whiny (2nd lesson: woman, of all age, likes to whine) and he told me to tell her that he is not free on Saturdays and Sundays because he needs to teach and has to drive cab. I was so scared that his replies, typed using my thumbs, will cause a breakup!! He uttered with a full lung of confidence, WON'T BREAK UP. If there was to be a break up, it would have taken place many years ago. What arrogance! I pity his wife and I feel sorry for his gf...

I asked him if he could charge me FOC for my driving lesson and in return, I teach him English! Hahaha.. Of course he said no...

This Saturday is Advanced Theory Test combined with driving lesson in a span of almost 3h. Not sure if I can make it through.. Clutch, brake, accelerator, hand-brake, gear handle, signal, blind spots etc...

Why am I putting myself through this!!!??!

Ans: I want my mother and my bf's mother to stop nagging me to go learn driving.... =.="

Happy Teacher's Day

2007-09-06T08:08:00.000+08:00

To all my teacher-friends

I salute you for you are one who continue the fight to bring light to the children's heart

Teaching is a wonderful profession with a huge meaning

I realised it when I left

Happy Teacher's Day

THE CREATION OF THE TEACHER

Author Unknown

The Good Lord was creating teachers. It was His sixth day of 'overtime' and He knew that this was a tremendous responsibility for teachers would touch the lives of so many impressionable young children.

An angel appeared to Him and said, "You are taking a long time to figure this one out."

"Yes," said the Lord, " but have you read the specs on this order?"

TEACHER:

…must stand above all students, yet be on their level

... must be able to do 180 things not connected with the subject being taught

... must run on coffee and leftovers,

... must communicate vital knowledge to all students daily and be right most of the time

... must have more time for others than for herself/himself

... must have a smile that can endure through pay cuts, problematic children, and worried parents

... must go on teaching when parents question every move and others are not supportive

... must have 6 pair of hands.

"Six pair of hands, " said the angel, "that's impossible"

"Well, " said the Lord, " it is not the hands that are the problem. It is the three pairs of eyes that are presenting the most difficulty!"

The angel looked incredulous, " Three pairs of eyes...on a standard model?"

The Lord nodded His head, " One pair can see a student for what he is and not what others have labeled him as. Another pair of eyes is in the back of the teacher's head to see what should not be seen, but what must be known. The eyes in the front are only to look at the child as he/she 'acts out' in order to reflect, " I understand and I still believe in you", without so much as saying a word to the child."

"Lord, " said the angel, " this is a very large project and I think you should work on it tomorrow".

"I can't," said the Lord, " for I have come very close to creating something much like Myself. I have one that comes to work when he/she is sick.....teaches a class of children that do not want to learn....has a special place in his/her heart for children who are not his/her own.....understands the struggles of those who have difficulty....never takes the students for granted..."

The angel looked closely at the model the Lord was creating."It is too soft-hearted, " said the angel.

"Yes," said the Lord, " but also tough, You can not imagine what this teacher can endure or do, if necessary".

"Can this teacher think?" asked the angel."Not only think," said the Lord,. "but reason and compromise."

The angel came closer to have a better look at the model and ran his finger over the teacher's cheek.

"Well, Lord, " said the angel, your job looks fine but there is a leak. I told you that you were putting too much into this model. You can not imagine the stress that will be placed upon the teacher."

The Lord moved in closer and lifted the drop of moisture from the teacher's cheek. It shone and glistened in the light.

"It is not a leak," He said, "It is a tear."

"A tear? What is that?" asked the angel, "What is a tear for?"

The Lord replied with great thought, " It is for the joy and pride of seeing a child accomplish even the smallest task. It is for the loneliness of children who have a hard time to fit in and it is for compassion for the feelings of their parents. It comes from the pain of not being able to reach some children and the disappointment those children feel in themselves. It comes often when a teacher has been with a class for a year and must say good-bye to those students and get ready to welcome a new class."

"My, " said the angel, " The tear thing is a great idea...You are a genius!!"

The Lord looked somber, "I didn't put it there."

Psalms 56:8 (NASB)

My man and we

2007-09-02T23:29:00.000+08:00

He is a small build guy, who is tanned and skinny. His initial is TPK, which explains why my email address is tpktpl (please say you know what tpl is...) He is of average height, under 1.7 m (I think) and to some people, you may think that he is short.. I once asked him this question but he replied to say, "When you lean over, the height is just nice, it is more comfortable for you." And we were strolling along the East Coast beach at night :)

Correction - TPK says he is 1.72m.. he is angry when I say he is 1.70m.. for the man's ego, please 'delete' the previous information...

We did not started the usual way that many people do... in fact, before we got together as an item, we had exchanged less than ten sentences face-to-face, never gone out together except for a lunch which a mutual friend arranged. We dated online, via icq and then moved on to msn. He was in UK doing his student exchange programme while I was in Singapore studying for my last exam in NUS.. We were separated by almost 12 h and I would always informed him of how lovely the moon looked like and he would go and see the same moon 12 h later at his side. Because it is expensive to talk via IDD call, I had to scout around for the most worth it IDD calling card, $20 for 300min and this card couldn't be found at most money-changer.. I first found it at Clementi Town Centre and I had to take almost 1.5h to go and buy the card. Luckily, I managed to find another money-changer in Chinatown which sold the same card and the journey took 40min.

We would talk on the phone when the situation permits, ie when I have the card because it is free incoming calls for him at his UK hostel. He could call over but it will be very expensive because one pound is about S$3.00. But when we talked, it will be really late in sg time and it will be really early at his side, just before he go for his morning lectures.

I remembered there was one night when I had a really bad nightmare and I smsed him in the middle of the night. He called and asked me if I was ok and I was so touched... I could feel his concern even through the phone.. that was the first few sweetest things he did...

Then he would sms me every night before he go to sleep so that when I opened my eyes, the first thing I see would be his sms greeting me. They lit up the morning in a bright sunshine way and taking the 50min bus ride to NUS on bus 10 seemed such an enjoyable experience everyday.

When he went around touring in UK, looking for all the Hard Rock Cafes, I would stay by my Nokia 8210 and jumped whenever the sms came in. Because, I told him, your sms is the only way I can be sure you are still safe at the other side of the world. He was travelling isn't it so he had no access to Internet and so no communications at all. I had heard of so many stories of road accidents and I was worried that something will happen to him.

So throughout our 3 months (I think so) of sms dating, when he came back to Singapore, his phone bill was a whopping S$800-900. Haha. But not bad la, he won over a sweet and caring gf, who is yours sincerely... :D

So for the past 4 years, we communicated via sms and msn more than over phone. We don't call each other unless it is really urgent. But, we will always sms each other.

He is a down-to-earth man, very disciplined and very hardworking. In front of me and his sister, he is like a small boy who will 'teh' to us. In front of his mother, he is fierce. In front of his friends, he is a joyful and spontaneous person. Because he belongs to the 'permanent head damage' club (PhD), sometimes he talked to his friends about politics and other highly intellectual topics. But he will still be sweet and make sure that I don't feel bored occasionally by turning and looking at me ;)

He may seemed dull but I know I am really fortunate that he is mine. Of course there are times when I really hate him to the core but most of the time, I still love him.. Haha..

He had a female friend who was bullied by her bf's friends and she called and cried to him. He was so angry with that bf. I asked him what if his friends bullied me too. He said he will protect me and scold them for me... ;)

He brought light sticks once when we went for a holiday. When I came out of shower, I saw the words 'I love U' on the floor, formed by the light sticks...

We even sat in the car, eating Mac nuggets and fries while we watched the rain poured outside at the West Coast MacDonald car park...

There was once when he had to brake his car because of the red light at the traffic camera junction. Due to inertia, I jerked forward and he used his hand to break my jerk. He turned and said sorry... Such a simple gesture, but I was so moved, because I knew he will protect me.

Whenever he drives me home, I will turn and look at him occasionally. Funny, even if it is just a small tilt of my head, he will be able to detect and he will make a funny face at me. He will change to another funny face when I turned over a second time, a third or even a forth... If I sat the the back of the car when his mother is in the front passenger seat, we will steal occasional glances at each other too. Haha.

Last year's Christmas Eve, we were in Orchard with my family. There were many people and with a twist of time and place, we ended up in bus 36. There was the unmistaken jam in Orchard but the bus was empty, only with the few of us plus less than three other people. When the clock struck 12midnight, we saw the cheering from the party crowds outside and inside the bus, it was a peaceful Christmas. We kissed and said Merry Christmas and really, there aren't any better Christmas than last year's. Peaceful and heart-warming, with your loved ones just beside you...

Of course, not to mention, we are the happy parents to many animals. From Phant Phant, Nessie, Hardy, Giraffe, Ah-Bian, Baby, Mao Mao, Xiao Pang, Xiao Fei, Eeyore, Monkey to Xiao Ding Dang, Ding Ding, Dang Dang, Xiao Fei Fei, Da Tou, another Giraffe, Washy, Monty, Smiley, Ohoh, Xiao Mao, Xiao Fen, Nemo. They are taking up so much space on our beds that we are really fighting for space! He even said he wants to build a house for all animals to stay in next time we have a house =.=! speechless!! Our smses are also in animal language... normal people won't understand our lingo ;)

Sometimes, even though we had spent the weekend together, I will still not bear to see him go home. Somehow, time is never enough being with him. Why?

Maybe then that is what people call love.......

To those who are in love, we are the fortunate ones. Cherish our partner and create fond and heart warming memories together. Small gestures and words may look and sound silly at that split second, but when looked from a different perspective, it is another way of him/her telling you he/she loves you and cares about you.

To those who are still looking for love, love comes knocking on your door at weird timing and way. God never leaves out anyone.

Disappointment is an understatement

2007-08-18T15:10:00.000+08:00

Sigh............

It is my 4th driving lesson today and for the first time ever since I started driving, I felt disappointed in my performance.

Strictly speaking, this is the second time I felt disappointed with myself in two days.

The first was yesterday. I had a training session which ended around 1130am. 15 minutes later, I arranged to have lunch with Bao Bei. When I put down the phone, CL gave me a piece of work and said he wanted it ready by 3pm. 'But it is almost lunch time and we have a meeting at 2pm. Do I have to go for that meeting?" I asked. He replied,"Yes, you have to be there so that you will understand what is going to happen. Get this done by 2pm then."

Big SIGH... He stole away my precious lunchtime with my Bao Bei and nonchalently said the work can be done very fast. As if lor! You are not the one doing it, of course you will say that it can be done very fast. He instructed me of how to do the work and seriously, I do not know if it is because I did not take the initiative to see the macro view of the project we are doing or is it his fault that he is mixing up me and my colleague's role again. Come on, whatever he told me to do wasn't my scope at all and he told me to do what my colleague was supposed to do!! Then he said, "You must learn to learn things fast." Wa. First blow. I was already trying very hard to put together what he wanted me to do, considering the fact that that was the first time that I set eyes on the document.

In the end, I did not have lunch until 7pm. Did not finished the work too. And, I took it home to do.

Today. 4th driving lesson. The car's engine died 4 times. My instructor said we will drive to Changi but in the end, I drove around Kebangan and Eunos. When there was no car, I could drive the car quite well but when the traffic increased, I panicked. Really panicked. My feet couldn't follow the instructions from the instructor. It started when we were driving in those small lanes in Kebangan. There was this car approaching mine and I thought I was supposed to stop at the side and let it go pass me (we were in a two lanes road outside a row of bungalows and cars were parked along one side so that leaves one lane for two directions of cars to drive past).

Instructor told me to accelerate because he predicted that the approaching car would stop for me to pass. Bastard driver thought that me, L-plate driver, should stop and let him pass. So, in the end, two cars stuck face to face on a single lane. Never mind, we gave in and so I had to reverse the car. Simi another BMW car suddenly appeared and came closer to my car. Imagine, front and back, there were cars... Naturally I panicked. Simi clutch, stop, accelerator, brake, I don't understand and couldn't undertand and simply couldn't follow. Instructor kept on reassured me that it is ok, "Relax. Do it slowly, I am here to help you."

BUT I REALLY COULDN'T FOLLOW WHAT HE SAID.

It got worse when my car suddenly vibrated so violently. O no, O dear.. I don't know what I did wrong, the car wasn't supposed to vibrate at all! What's wrong? Then, the car died! Recall: I am still between two cars, one in front and one at the rear.

Finally, we managed to get out of the mess when he helped me to drive and flee into another lane. Close shave, I couldn't recall what I did during those less than 5 minutes span of time. REALLY. It is like a loss of memory. I can't remember what I did...

We did not drive to Changi. Disappointed.

Then when we were approaching Eunos MRT, the car died the last time again. And this time, when I re-start the engine, I forgot to press the clutch down and the car wasn't reacting the correct way again. Panicked again because there were so many cars around me and I was in the bus lane, and so close to my destination.

Then when I was driving into the car-park, the car almost went up the kerb because I did not turn the steering wheel back in time. SIGH again...

AH!

This is a totally disappointing day!!!!!!!!! Big blow to my ego.

Before I went off, my instructor told me to go home and practise and observe how other people drive. I have been doing that lor... I always look at how Bao Bei drive but he is always so reckless. Then when I asked him why he drive in that way, he won't explain to me in the gentle way, always in that stern voice. I don't like it when he talked to me in a stern tone. I did looked at how my father drive but his car is auto not manual car..

Whatever, anything... I am just so disappointed with myself.

Blackout!

2007-08-13T22:18:00.000+08:00

I walked into the office with a full bag of caution. As I dragged my feet closer to the entrance of the office, I tip-toed to steal a peek of whether my boss had come into office.

BIG SIGH!!!! Because he had reported for work earlier than me!!!!!!!

I pretended not to see him in the office although his door is less than 5 steps from my work-desk. I quietly went to the pantry to get my flask of water and again, dreaded the moment that I had to officially start my Monday.

Why must I be so quiet leh????

Because, my boss kinda scolded me over the email during the weekend. BUT, whatever he mentioned in the email wasn't directed at me. I hope he remembered that the mistake he mentioned wasn't done by me but my colleague. I was so good-hearted that I offered to send the email on her behalf because all of us were rushing home last Friday. WA LAU! ALL of them packed their bags so much last Friday lor!!!As if there was fire in the office and they were rushing for their lives... =.=! Left me in the office to pick up the ends, frantically packing up and also praying ultra hard that boss won't finish his meeting so fast.. Luckily, I dashed out before he walked in ah!!!!!!

Anyway, I was scared that I would be scolded by him. Actually, he won't scold.. Remember I said he said he hates to work with stupid people?? I hate people to doubt my intelligence, that is why I tried very hard to make myself work smart andraise smart questions. So stressed leh! More stressed than teaching with Mr J in the classroom.

Mmm.. I used all my cute charm (lol :D) and took great care when I walked into his office. Heng ah! He asked me if I want him to be nice or be angry. Of course nice right? Because it is Monday today hehe :p That was what I told him, hohoho.. I even told him to take a deep breadth and calm down before he start to 'shoot me down'. I can't believe I actually did that! Like not serious right? But, well.. I don't know what came over me.

In the end, I succeeded asking questions which he couldn't answer! Does that mean I am smart finally? Wink wink. I was really blunt, but who cares? He said words are cheap, and things can change every minute. I think he gave up in the end. And, I supposed we had been working on this irritating project for the past I don't know how many weeks, and he could be really tired of always back to square one when he thought we are approaching the end of the project. So, he said he will make the changes himself because it is faster that way rather than he explained to me what to do. Hmp.

I spent the rest of the day helping my colleague (the one who got scolded in the email on Saturday) check her work. Phew. I managed to finish it just before 5.30pm, otherwise it is dumb to stay back on the 1st day of 7th Lunar month to do some really dumb work.

Did I say that half way through the afternoon, my office went black-out? The first word that I uttered, "WIN!"

Luckily I wasn't making amendment on the PC, luckily I wasn't writing email, luckily I wasn't preparing any report... because who would constantly save their work??? I can't imagine what went through my boss' mind when the office had the black-out. He MUST be making the changes in the shared drive and I bet he did not save any work.

The office went to a standstill because practically all of them are dependent on the internet.

Seen Die Hard 4?

What if really one fine day, the internet would to be down? With so many of us all linked up by technology, how will your life be affected by a day without technology?

Anyway, ALL of us dashed off home at 5.30pm sharp again today. We had to leave the office because boss comes back from his meeting otherwise, we can't go home on time...

Highlights of weekend

2007-07-29T23:21:00.000+08:00

I am a long-winded person. In order not to flood my own tag board, I shall use this space to reply your responses. Haha.

I extended an invitation to my bf to come over for lunch on Saturday. To add a little colour to our routine weekend, I thought I should cook him a meal. When was the last time I cooked for him??? Mmmm.... I think it was like 4 years ago?? Ya, not long after we became an item. I cooked fried rice for him and my brother too. I thought fried rice should be simple and well, I had cooked that for myself before, so with a 3 person share, it shouldn't be a big problem yea?

BUT!!!

I was terribly wrong. Sigh... I vaguely remembered that the fried rice was pale aka no-colour, which also meant it didn't look appetising at all. True enough, it REALLY was tasteless. Mummy told me to add soy sauce then the rice will look brown and delicious mah.. And, it did taste not bad when I cooked for myself.. But, that fateful day when I tried to impress my bf, I don't know why, but it didn't taste good.

I am a bad bad bad cook :(

Until now, my bf still remember my FIRST cooked meal for him. So, what did he request for lunch last Saturday?? Instant noodles with egg!!!!! WA LAU. An insult to my sincerity to want to spice up our weekend. He said, "First time, so give you a non-challenging task. Hehehehehe." Bish!!!!!

Luckily, the instant noodles wasn't bad. Hahahahaha. Like the Hong Kong's Gong Zai Noodles, minus the pork chop. Kekekeke.

What shall I do next leh?? Maybe I should try to find sushi recipe and also tempura. Cos he loves Japanese food.

Really, all of you who have learnt F&N are better cooks than me. I am a straight F there. Whenever we had cooking sessions during Home Economics in Secondary School, I was always the one to cut and prepare the ingredients while my friend would cook. I took over at the stove only when the teacher was nearby, to put on a show for her.

I used to even have a rehearsal with my family when I cooked for my first bf. My family was the guinea pigs to try my cooking which sometimes was really bad. Poor Papa. Whenever he saw something funny on the table, he always say 'experiment again'. Hohohohohoho...

Have I told you that my VERY FIRST egg was really charred till it was really black through and through?? Hahaha.

Well, I may be very good in conduction, convection & radiation but when it comes to practise with the fire in front of me, it is a totally different story :p

No topic

2007-07-29T01:17:00.000+08:00

Anyone wants tuition?

It may not be you. It could be your neighbour, cousin, brother or sister.

I teach Maths and Science, Secondary level.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hahahahaha.
See, I am working hard to save for my wedding, if there is any.

I am starting to give tuition tomorrow. I am so happy and looking forward to it. Finally, I have found another thing to occupy my free time.

Not bad for a change.

I am learning to drive now.. alternate Saturdays. It is fun! But scary at the same time. Too many things to take care of at the same time. Rear mirror, side mirror, front, blind spots, signal lights, clutch, brake, accelerator, hand gear... all at the same time. Although I am looking forward to the next lesson, it is pretty scary to think that I may be hitting the road soon. I had been driving circles in a car park for the last 2 lessons. I have no idea if my instructor will make me do it again next Saturday.

I am giving tuition, something which I enjoy - teach and impart knowledge. No admin work to do, no meetings to attend and no worries about worksheets or exams. I just teach! It is a wonderful moment when I teach. Really looking forward to Sunday. Only one small little complain - I have to sacrifice my sleep in the morning. BUT! It is all for a good course yeah?

Mmm... what should I do next leh? Maybe I will go learn how to knit (hehehehe wink wink) and I will probably go learn Japanese?

Slowly...

I love weekend. Do you?

(I am losing the motivation to continue to write in blog! Kok Shen, what should I do?? Hahaha)

What is money?

2007-07-25T21:42:00.000+08:00

The above is it - money.

Just how important is that piece of paper? In this very practical society, very unfortunately, that piece of money determines how much privileges and respect you get from people around you.

I was out with a group of friends last night and we were discussing why some people can just become richer and richer while we always remain as poor as we are. Funny, some people simply have that touch, they are constantly thinking of ways of making their money generate more money and it seems effortless? I don't know. How I envy them sometimes, especially when I want to go for tour, I always become so broke after the trip.

I had been thinking of this question very frequently these few days: How important is money?

My godson ever asked me this very philosophical question: Why did mankind invent money?

Just how important is money? I wonder.

There are people around me who are working hard (like me) to earn money. Day in, day out, we are looking forward to our pay day. We are constantly checking our bank account to see how much the balance is and always telling ourselves "cannot shop anymore". In the end, when we see the SALE sign, wow!!! Who say cannot shop?? Must grab ah.. =.=" Thus, the wallet is always tight at the end of the month and we hate it the most when the postman or e-bill comes to chase us for payment.

Second, there are people who works hard for their dreams but get paid little for the pursuit of it. But, they are not tired. They strive harder to prove to the rest that it is a dream worth realising and hugging to the hope that one fine day, their dream will make it big.

Third, there are people who just need to sit at home and money will pour into their wallets. Arg! How I love and hate this type of people.

Fourth, there are people who have people working for them. Quoted from Jun Fu, it is a zero dollar equation (his own theory). They earn millions by making the people who worked for them work harder but pay than lesser than they are worth. Smart right?

Whatever it is, I had been trying to ask my mother and my bf for their opinion on the feasibility of me changing to event management. The first thing they asked: How is the pay? When I told them that it will be lesser than what I am earning now(actually much much less) and in addition, it will be long hours. My mother asked me, "Why is it that other people earn more when they change job and you get lesser and lesser? When will you get your first 3k?" My bf shut me up with, "Do you know that fresh graduates are earning 3.3k now? If they give you less than 2.5, then your 3 years of experience in teaching is equivalent to nothing."

How hurting those comments can be, you can never imagine. My heart broke and sank when both of my dearest people threw me such a wet blanket. I was praying with the thinnest strand of hope that maybe they will give me the support and tell me to go ahead.

Money is really the issue here.
I feel the stress and expectation that I need to earn 3k before I reach 30. Damn. This is such a cruel place. Just when I thought I could (MAYBE) go for a more challenging job and really test out my limits and what I want, I got pulled back to reality.

SIGH SIGH SIGH SIGH......

Anyway, I am going to start tuition this Sunday. At least that will be an extra income (not subjected to CPF and tax - please don't tell IRAS: I am already paying 500+ of tax lor!!). Anyone wants tuition? I teach Maths and Science but my charges are high. Enquiries, please call or sms me.

I am dead serious.

A wonderful weekend

2007-07-22T23:14:00.000+08:00

Hohohohohohohoohohohohohoohohohohohohoohohoho

..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........
..........I love you, I miss you, I love you, I miss you.........

Hehehehehehehehehehehhehehehehehhehehehehehehe

Blue Thursday

2007-07-19T08:53:00.000+08:00

I used to look forward to Thursday because Friday will be the next day and I can have my weekend to relax....

I don't know why but I feel extremely blue this morning. Probably it is because of the rain.. well.. maybe not, I don't know.

A colleague from the next department had left the company yesterday and is starting her new work today. I went out with WL last night and I slept at 1am. So, basically I am pretty tired now.

People had been asking me how is my new job, do I like it, how are you coping, do I enjoy it etc since the first day I stepped in. I don't know if that is the way they show concern and willingness to help newbies or is it that they are preparing me for the storm ahead.

Actually, I am feeling very uncomfortable with my current situation now. You know, just plain uncomfortable feeling which you can't really point your finger to the source of it.

Besides the fact that I can rest after work now (no need to mark worksheets anymore), during the day, the administration work that I am doing seems unclear and directionless and well, I feel meaningless. Maybe it is because I have not been given the bulk of the workload yet but I can't help myself comparing what I used to do and what I am doing now. Human beings are funny creatures. Uncle J's words kept popping into my mind. Come to think about it, his words are not always rubbish. You probably will need to reflect on what he said and well, maybe less than 50% of his advice is useful in the end.

I had promised myself that I would not return to school as a full-time teacher, which means I may consider being an adjunct teacher.

I had been urging myself to give myself more time to adapt to the new job, at least till I get my bonus beginning of next year (hehe..)

I felt very inspired by WL's new work! She is into event management and that was what I had wanted to do. In this new job, she gets to go overseas because the bulk of her company's business is international. I really envy her and I asked myself if I want that type of lifestyle..

Consider this:
1) I have NO experience at all for this industry...
2) The company seems extremely fast-paced, which in a way, is a little opposite of my current company. I can't stand the waiting time to get information from another person!
3) It will be like teaching, no free time after work, no fixed knock off time, no weekends maybe, little sleep when events are near - which also means it will be energy sapping
4) The big factor: PAY. Definitely, I would not be drawing the income that I am getting now.
5) It doesn't help when 30 is near the corner. It doesn't help when the hectic nature of the job means I would be seeing less of my bf and how can we ever find time to settle down?
6) Can energy sapping job be a long-termed committment job? I mean, if I do not like it and prefers to have a more stable job, I would really be 30 or beyond. Age is a big enemy. No experience, old female candidate - who would want to hire me in the end?

BUT, the lure is tempting.....

DAMN IT! Give us till next year ba... In the meantime, what else can I do besides to bury the urge and probably TRY VERY HARD to stay positive in the new job?

Big SIGH....

Consequences of being big mouth

2007-07-14T23:02:00.000+08:00

Just when the computer clock hit 5.40pm on Tuesday evening, my boss came out and asked my colleague how was the progress of the work he told her to do... She said it wasn't ready and he started to question her... "If you can't do it alone, you should have asked for help early." And, the next thing I knew, "Pau Ling, can you please help ......"

SIAN! =.=" because I was just that one second away to clicking that START button on the monitor screen and shutting down the computer!

I can't say I can't help my colleague right? I mean, I am still damn new and I have to be a team player isn't it? So, I have to hide my inner frustrations and reply, "Sure, no problem! How can I help?" Furthermore, I had to put on a big bright TPL signature smile :D

So, I said bye bye to my 'boring' office life and started helping my colleague do her work, halfing her present workload. I always think back of what my bf asked me, "Why do they need a graduate to do such admin work?" Good question asked but I don't know the answer. So, I did the manual checking of tonnes of excel spread sheet data.. Did that to the extent that I really felt like tearing the hardcopy excel spread sheets into bits and pieces.

The next time someone told you during an interview that the work is very challenging, don't be as naive as me to believe that person wholeheartedly. To a certain extent, this tedious checking is challenging because I had stopped so many times to ask myself aloud, "Isn't there a better way to do this?" Till now, the answer had not been found and so I continued the mindless checking... Until, my boss got impatient with the people who input the data and got everyone to sit down and trashed out all the differences. Well, that meeting was 4 hours long! When the meeting in brd was a simply waste of my precious afternoon, the meeting here is always like a learning and eye-opening experience. You want to see how adults brainstorm their intelligence and outtalk each other, look forward to the working world just make sure you stay out of trouble.

Anyway, our boss treated us to a lunch at the Turf City on Thursday. That was the most agonising lunch I had ever had so far. It was to formally welcome the new-comers to the department. The first new-comer started introducing himself like this, "I would like to introduce you to open source programming and suggest that we meet for an hour each week so that I can tell you the beauty of this..." I was like HUH!! Simi open source programming??! This is so computer engineering lor, come on, get a life! If you don't want a life, stay away from me... =.=!

Then the food came... first dish - shark's fins soup. The waitress helped to ladle out the soup into small bowls and the natural reaction after she had done that was to? Take the biggest bowl and start eating and fight for the vinegar and pepper right? Alright, everyone at the table weren't normal because from the first dish till the last dish, the food had to sit there for at least 5 min before anyone took the move to start taking their share! I was like, HELLO, scholars. I know all of you are intellects, but it is lunch time and I am hungry. Can't anyone please start eating?? Because I am new and I am a 'demure & resolute' woman (made in TKGS), I have to behave like a well-behaved girl and wait for the seniors to start... Unbearable. Can you imagine how long that big bowl of baked crabs sat on the table?? At least 10min lor!!! And I was like, the crab is so delicious, yum yum, but you can only take one piece ok? Why??

Because you can't behave like a childish little girl who is out with your Daddy and Mummy and start to grab at every piece of crab you like... Restrain.. Take one only..

And my boss actually said, "Lunch is good. We really should have more department lunches."

I was like, "Please! A lunch with scholars talking about open source programming, journal papers by other psychologists etc - Sorry, it is just not my cup of tea."

Plus, the constant effort to always behave and do things smart because my boss said " I hate working with stupid people" and his constant "that clown did this... that..." All these aren't helping at all.

Challenging?

Yes! Because I have to dig really hard for the intelligent TPL and proved to him that HEY! You have got a smart employee here ;)

2nd week at the job

2007-07-09T22:24:00.001+08:00

First, I seriously seriously miss school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Arg!!!!!!!!!

I miss my 4EB together with all their lame jokes and quick-witted conversations. I miss 4EA, 4EC, 4ED, 4N2, 5N1 and 5N2... I miss teaching..

WHY?

Because it is much more lively than sitting in front of the computer all day, waiting for lunch time and then knock off time. I met Vasughi for dinner last Friday and the first thing she said,"Your face is rounder now!" OMG! That is the consequences for having breakfast every morning (it is free cos the company provides different breakfasts for us everyday - GOOD welfare), for sitting in front of the computer all day and eating lunch on time and going back to computer straight after lunch.

Of course, I only miss the students haha! I DO NOT miss the marking at all! Hehe.. I bet all the teachers are busy setting exam papers now...

Anyway, life in the office is alright just that I am still unclear of my new boss' expectations. He said during a meeting, he hates stupid people. Damn! I must constantly remind myself to be smart and not do stupid and mindless things, that is taxing. Plus, seriously, my corner at the office is boringly quiet!!!! Kill me!! How I missed those days of "Where is your name tag and school badge?" or "Sshh. Read your book!"

Because I am still new, I hardly get calls and well, I was alone in the office today because all the other 3 administration officers were not around. I named myself "Office Alone".

Let me see.
What is one good thing about teaching? --> It is meaningful, really. My new boss said very frankly, whatever we are doing now are all fake because it is all paperwork and planning. Unless the plan gets accepted, otherwise, it will always remain virtual.. WA -o-!
What is one good thing about the new job? --> I am so free after I get home, I have no worksheets to mark, no test/exam papers to set, life has never been so carefree. Haha.

O ya! I had my first driving lesson last Saturday afternoon...

And, not to forget, I had two weeks of itchy and ugly rashes on my legs and hands for the past 2 weeks.. Today is my third day of non-itchiness and non-ugliness...

New work, new lifestyle

2007-07-03T20:56:00.000+08:00

WOW!

The long-waited day had come. I reported at my new work place yesterday. Mmm... after being pre-warned by my beloved Uni friends of what to look out for, I would say yesterday was not bad ;)

But it is still too early to judge if I like the new job because the workload hasn't really been handed over to me. But, even before I report for work, my big name had been announced to many big people and when I was being brought around during the induction, they were like "I heard your name and now I finally see you.." Then I was like, what did you hear about me?? It is my first day, HELLO.

So far, I can only say the new job scope is very different from my last one. I was properly inducted at my first day of reporting at this new job, not just thrown into a class of (A) eagerly anticipated students, waiting for me to say something or (B) hyperactive students, walking and shouting around the classroom. Is it because of the nature of work or because of the poorly-run induction programme from the previous work?

I am a little insecure of this new work. I guessed I was too comfortable in my last job and I am really not equipped or prepared for this one. BUT, how can Miss Tan lose confidence so easily right? Like I told Desiree and my other cadets/students, "Don't worry, things will work out in the end." Gee, Miss Tan can do it! I just need some time to re-orientate myself and change my direction and energy.

Talk about energy! WOW. I came home after 12 midnight after my first day of work because I was out watching Transformers with Bao Bei. I was so tired today!!!! Aiyo, do office work like this can really grow fat easily ah! I seldom ate lunch when I was in school, often, I had only one meal in one day, which was dinner. Now, I have free breakfast every morning and I have to go for lunch every afternoon. Minus away the time to queue for food and go toilet, the rest of the time I spend it sitting at the PC. Definitely, I will grow fat in no time!! O MY GOD!

Must use U-Zap now.. Give me strength to move on in my new work.

Dinner with Grand Panda & other uni friends

2007-06-29T14:39:00.000+08:00

It was an enjoyable dinner at Pepper Luch at Ang Mo Kio Hub last night. Peiying, Kenneth, Desmond, Uncle Johnny and how we forget about Grand Panda, Chow Yee? ;) I was so happy to see Chow Yee last night!!! The last time I saw him was like 4 years ago when I graduate from NUS, of course, we had to minus away his wedding night... Haha, me, Ying and Kenneth stayed at his place the night before his wedding day and I spoilt his heater tap. The water flowed non-stop and I was panicking in the bathroom. Plus, it was really late and the plumber didn't work on Saturday. The guys had to switched off the main supply and we had to be on water rationing on his wedding day. When the guests and bride and parents came, it was so embarrassing to explain that the water tap was spoilt and there was no water to wash hands... Anyway..............

I love to go out to meet friends. Everytime I felt refreshed by their life experiences and it was good to see all of us still hanging out together even after we graduate.

Johnny shared his New Zealand photographs with us. He went with his friend in May, but only to North Island. Aiya, he should go to South Island! Cos, it is just too beautiful at South Island. But because his friend had been to South Island before, so he had to make do with North Island. But still... South Island is breathtaking!!!! Queenstown, Milford Sound, wooo....

Anyway, Chow Yee joined us really late at 9 plus when all of us had finished eating. Haha. Well, it seemed my persuasive power is still strong after 4 years.. hehe. But really, it had been a looooooong 4 years since I see my grand panda aka senior.

So, the topic of the night changed to my new job, which is starting on Monday. As usual, they were all sharing their experiences with me, of course, also self-entertaining themselves as they looked at my bewildered face for every do's and don'ts for the first few days of work. Chow Yee had not changed a single bit.. I am still the little girl aka junior in his eyes. Sigh, every move I made, he said 'You cannot do that on first day." or "You cannot talk like this." WAWAWAWA!! Apparently, all of them were enjoying themselves scaring me with all the gossips and politics...

OL (office lady), they said, are the most gossipy in the profession because they are too free so thus talk alot.
The DO NOTs on the first day of work
1) DO NOT bring my Gucci bag for work (then I buy that bag for what?? They said if I bring, all the new colleagues will nickname me Branded, Ms Gucci, blar blar blar.. Ok, point taken..)
2) DO NOT talk too much i.e. keep quiet and observe (Kenneth said there are 4 types of people in office. 1st - Quiet and has brains, 2nd - Quiet and has no brains, 3rd - Talkative and has no brains and 4th - Talkative and has brains. Die... they said the 3rd type is the bimbo and I seemed to fit in the best in that category =.=")
3) DO NOT keep on smsing in office or appear to be very free.. I have to pretend to be doing work, even if I am pretending to read the never-ending file
4) DO NOT wear too bright, too short, too little, or with side slits that are high
5) DO NOT be the first and the last to leave office, don't rush for staff transport

WA! I was really looking forward to my new job on Monday. I had planned to take it easy and well, I have no idea what I am going to do there so go with an open mind. But thanks to my good friends, now I feel like "What is this? I wasn't even this jumpy when I started teaching!"

Ying said, no matter how well I tried to avoid making mistakes on the first day of work, the new colleagues will sure commend about me, both good and bad. Cos she does that whenever a newbie comes to her company =.=" WA. If I have colleagues as experienced as Laolao Ying and Chow Yee, I will die there...

Ok la, I know they meant well although they were teasing me all the time. I will forever be the blur blur little girl in University who blew up power supply and op-amps. How I missed those carefree school days... With friends always there to laugh and work, when money and paying bills aren't really the big issues.... Life is so much more simpler back then.

Only Desmond was siding me all night. When all of them were having fun digging out the stories at their workplace and putting me in those scenerios, only Desmond believed that I won't be that unprofessional.

I love the quieter moments with Grand Panda, while we were walking to the bus stop and waiting for my bus. He really really had not changed a bit, probably because I am still too untrained in the working world. Talk about nagging, he is more powerful than me. If not for him, I would not have found the motivation to study in Microelectronics or get that close to Third Class Honours. Thanks for his concerns and caring words, I became stronger after Jason broke up with me (of course, have to thank Ying and Jasmin too)

Gee, I thank God or whoever the Saint up there for letting me meet wonderful people in my life thus far. I feel so loved by everyone... The feeling is good when you know that others found you wanting and pleasant to work with.

Thank you Grand Panda, Johnny, Desmond, Kenneth and Pei Ying. Ganbatte, I will and I will remember to bring a notebook and a pen on my first day, with just a normal working bag ;)

My Gucci bag

2007-06-25T19:28:00.000+08:00

Went shopping yesterday with Mummy, my brother and his gf.

I have to finish the not-so-fulfilling shopping Hong Kong trip. Hehe... But Hong Kong was fun nevertheless, the sitting Buddha was breathtaking.

O well, we walked into the Gucci shop at Paragon. Cindy saw a Gucci wallet that cost $500+ and before we know it, she had bought the wallet!!! Wa... Don't understand.. The next unbelieveable thing I could not dream that I would do is that I actually bought a Gucci bag too.

See, that is my new bag. I paced up and down the shop, one side tells me to buy cos it is really nice and the other side says cannot buy cos it is too expensive (S$1010 leh!!!!!!!!!!!!). Then my brother kept on tempting me to buy.. my mother kept on telling me no need to buy such expensive bag.. But I think she can sense that she was fighting a losing battle, in the end, she gave up. My heart was really beating fast when I signed on the S$1010 bill. I was like, ARE YOU SURE OR NOT??? Then finally, I gave up struggling too and boldy signed on the bill. I even asked the salesgirl if there is any discount for any credit card. That must be a dumb question because she replied with a definite NO. She must be thinking, "What is this? Want to buy still want to ask for discount? You think this is pasam malam is it? This is the genuine Gucci leh!"

My brother told me the salesgirl will open the doors to let us out because that was what she did when his gf bought the Gucci bag some months back. But the moment I signed on the bill, and the salesgirl received the payment, she disappeared into a small cashier room. I walked one round in the shop, giving obvious hints to other salesperson in the shop that "Hey, I am leaving, you can open the doors for me now." BUT!!! They ignored me. Can anyone who knows their manager sack them or something?? Wa liew, in then end, it was my brother who opened the doors for me.

I did not dare to tell Bao Bei that I bought the Gucci bag. He will KILL me lor.. cos I just bought a Disneyland bag from Hong Kong when we were there. He won't understand why I want to buy the bag and he will be very angry that I spent 1k to buy that. I felt so guilty for hiding it from him. Seriously, I had no intentions to tell him, because probably he won't noticed it anyway.

Then at night, I had a nightmare. In the dream, I dreamt that Bao Bei don't want to talk to me no more. I was so scared that I woke up. Then the first thing I did, I called him. I told him about the dream then he said he still love me. Hehe. But I haven't tell him about the Gucci bag.

So, in the end, in the afternoon, I decided to tell him. Better to come clear with him because I don't like to hide things and lie. Sigh... he reacted within expectations, he said he was disappointed in me. Actually, I am also disappointed in myself too la, just a little bit. But, cannot refund the bag for money already mah... Luckily, after a while, he simmered down...

I spent the rest of the day sieving through my box of bags, washed the dirty ones and went for pedicure. I intend to put on mask later.

WOW! Life is good but too bad, I have no money no more. I must work hard now, to compensate for the indulgence yesterday. Need to look for tuition soon... I love holiday!!

Mixed feelings & so many events

2007-06-24T01:10:00.001+08:00

Many things had happened while I was away. We had a BBQ with 4EA and 4EB on 14 June at ECP, I attended a friend's wedding on the 15 June (my official last day with MOE) and flew to Hong Kong to meet my bf on early 16 June morning for a 5 days holiday break. Came back home early in the wee morning of 21 June and spent the day sleeping and wrapping presents for 4EB. Then 22 June, went back to school for Red Cross Farewell party followed by a pre-employment medical checkup requested by the new job (I discovered that I had grew taller by 2 cm but heavier by 1.5kg now =.=") Saturday 23 June, I went to Ubi Drving Centre for my Advance Theory Test and failed! Damn, they didn't even tell me where I went wrong, basket. No score even, just a big fat FAILED on the computer screen after the test. Then went out with bf to watch Fantastic 4 and came home to play neopets and watched TV.

So Desmond asked, "How is your break so far?" I replied, "Cool!"

Really, I had been thinking of this since the day I finished packing my working table in school. School is starting in one day and for the first time in three years, I feel relaxed and cool about this. In the last 3 years, this is the day that I dread the most, the day just before school term starts. Because I would be panicking over a million things: haven't set exam paper, haven't print worksheets, haven't finish preparing the powerpoint slides, what am I going to do for first day of school, what time am I going to reach home so that I can nap, when is the next holiday and of course the BIGGEST and STUPIDEST question, why does the holiday has to end so fast????

So today, I napped in the afternoon with no guilt and no nothing and went out to watch movie. Totally relaxed. It feels good to be having a break. The dumbest thing is, I thought the whole world is having holiday like me, until it suddenly dawned on me that it wasn't when I saw workers rushing down their company-arranged buses and running to the MRT station, hoping to get home in the fastest time after work on Friday.

So a part of me feels happy that I do not have to go back to school on Monday. But, frankly the other part of me feels pretty empty and lonely. Especially so after the farewell party on Friday. Lindy was so quiet that day. That small little girl, my heart squeezed each time I looked at her eyes. Everyone else were enjoying the pizzas and cakes. So I went up to her and asked her what happened. She looked at me with those teary eyes and tears just flowed down. My goodness! She said no words at all but her eyes asked me a thousand things: Miss Tan, why are you leaving? Can you don't leave? For the first time in my career, I felt like I am a mother, not a sister. I hugged her and she cried. The others looked on and wondered why she was behaving so emotional and dramatic but I can understand why she is crying.

Someone wrote me a thank you letter, thou shall not disclose the name lest you tease this person. In the letter, it wrote: There are many occasions where I thought to myself "How I wish Miss Tan weren't my teacher but perhaps a relative, a cousin or family friend."

Do you know this is exactly why I want to join teaching 4 years back? I want to touch lives, I want to help to change people's lives, I want to leave memorable footprints in other's lives so that if I were to die one day, I know I had done something that I can be proud of. I know my decision to leave is a big loss to you and me, I am fully aware that I am going to miss out a million opportunities to see you grow to be better people. I wished that I could walk alongside you and especially to my form class and other graduating classes, to finish the last lap to the O levels with you. I had took for granted the calling of "Miss Tan" for the last 3 years, and I am really starting to miss you people calling me that. This endearment it seems - is such an honour to hear you call me that because deep down I know, you treat me both like a teacher and a friend. It hurts whenever I see anyone of you cry because I worry that my absence will affect you emotionally too great.

Of course, I know things will always work out fine in the end, whether we worry or do not worry about it. All of us will reach a point whereby we accept the fact that life has to move on and nobody stays with anyone forever.

Just remember that my phone lines are always open for you, if you want to cry, complain or ask for advice. Just a note: currently, my line has NO free incoming calls..

Till we meet again, take care of yourselves and I will take care of myself too!

Wan Lee...

2007-06-14T00:07:00.000+08:00

Wan Lee: If love is a book, what kind of book will yours be?

Me: A book that never finishes...

Wan Lee: If my love is a book, it will be a passport; a book which I need to carry wherever I go and without it, I can't go anywhere...

Who is Wan Lee?

Wan Lee is a average built lady, wearing a size L and a cup size that I envy. She is short-sighted and switches between spectacles and contact lenses, depending on her mood. She keeps her hair short now and she is in love too. In love with a man called Teck Teck, haha, a nickname which another friend gave.

Who is Wan Lee then? She is none other than my pal of 1993 till now, a freeking 14 years old friend from TKGS.

She is a romantic person. I mean, who will describe love like a book? Probably only Qiong Yao (a famous Chinese novel writer, the one who wrote 环珠格格) is that dramatically romantic.

We are the best of friends and we have many things in common. Both of us have a brother of 23 years old. We are both Scorpios and she is just 5 days older than me! We were both from Red Cross and we were from the same class back in TKGS, from Sec 1 to 4. We were in the same study group and wherever we went, we were always together. In fact, we only got separated after O levels, when we went to different JC.

We started out the most stupid way. First few days of orientation, we actually asked each other this question: You wanna go for recess together? -.-" And then on, we went for every recess together.. We were both in love with Aaron Kwok back then and I actually brought a newspaper article of his juicy gossip to school and shared with her. Since then, we became more inseparable. We went to Red Cross together and did everything together, of course we don't share the same toilet. We talked to each other on the phone everyday and discussed homework daily. We were so close that my mummy was so scared that I would turn into a lesbian and fall in love with her. HAHAHA!

Both of us are scared of snakes. Scared is an understatement. We were petrified of that species. We hugged each other and cried at the roadside of Wu Yi Shan (a famous mountainous region in China famous of snakes) while other schoolmates stood at the stall looking with huge eyes how the hawker skinned the snake alive.

Then came O levels, I did better than her and we got separated. I was delighted because I was going to my dream school but I knew she was scared. She is a very capable young lady who always lack self confidence. When she went to Yishun JC during the first 3 transitional months, she told me she was the only green person there. She had no friends and I wished she could join me in TJC but she couldn't. We were both praying hard that her O levels results would be good and we could be in the same school again. Alas, our prayers were not answered and she got herself transferred to Catholic JC taking up Physics, Computer Science and Maths C.

When everyone thought that our friendship will wilter because we were separated, we got closer. We updated each other every Saturday of our crash in school. I talked about Jason and she talked about Salimun. I admitted that I spent less time with her because Jason and I ended up dating. I wanted to see how Salimun looked like and both of us planned to meet up at Northpoint on one Saturday. Keke, Jason and I 'accidentally' bumped into she and Salimun that day and she was blushing all the while because we all knew it was all pre-planned. In the end, Jason and I ended up watching Batman in the first row at Northpoint..

Well, we did not end up in the same university after A levels. Her results weren't good and both NUS and NTU did not accept her. I think that was probably the bleakest period of her life then far because she had always been an ambitious and high achiever. She used to be the top student in her primary school. It was a huge blow for her when she could not go to local university. I couldn't remember what I had done for her to help her. Gee, I seemed to be quite useless friend. But she went to study Mass Communications at MDIS and happily graduated with a degree.

Then Jason and I broke up. I was totally shattered and she wasn't in Singapore when the break up happened. It was terrible! My bleakest period of my life thus far.. She was doing her attachment study at Okoholma in USA and I seriously felt my whole world collasping around me. I was helpless and how I wished she was there to console me but she was so far away. I knew she must be feeling worried for me too because we are closer than blood sisters.

I got myself out of that pit with the support of Daddy and Mummy plus other university pals.

When I joined teaching, and I got sad and helpless, I knew I can count on her to console me. My bf sometimes won't understand the plight I was going through. He thought I was just being immature and oversensitive. But she understood me and stood by me. This sms I still keep in my hp: In Him and through faith in Him, we may approach God with freedom and confidence. No, both of us are not Christians but we are God lovers who chooses our own ways to get near to Him. No need to try to preach us to go into Christianity too, because I think both of us prefer it this way.

The funny thing about us: we seldom meet up nor do we call each other; we don't sms each other too. We can like MIA from each other's life for one to two months but still stay strong and truthful to each other. Don't ask us how we did it, we just did it with no special efforts. I guess we are just fated to be with each other? If my bf is my Bao Bei No. 1, she will be Bao Bei No. 2. I don't think I can ever live without her. She is even silly enough to tell me that if she were to die before me, she had already instructed her mother to leave Piao Hong (a teddy bear I bought for her to accompany her when she was in USA) for me. Gee, don't make me cry. There are just too many things we have in common. We know each other so well that I don't think any men could match up, haha! If I were a man, I promise to love her my whole life. But luckily(phew), both of us are straight. We don't even hold hands or hook arms like other good female friends do. So, mummy you can rest your mind at ease - your daughter loves man!

Recently, she just changed to a new job. A really busy and vibrant job. Sometimes I wondered how she could change job so easily and she is one of the people who gave me the courage to move on from teaching. She had been feeling quite blue too because she felt she couldn't keep pace with her colleagues at all. But she loves the job! Silly girl, she told me she felt like quitting from the job when she barely started a month ago??! BISH! BISH! Must knock some sense into her.

Dear Pal,

You have always been my idol and my pillar. You must persevere this time and push yourself through. You are a very capable person so stop doubting your abilities. I believe you can achieve and go far in this line because you possesses that positive attitude. Stamina and energy can be slowly built up. But you can't give up on yourself so easily. Don't set a bad example for me to follow yeah? Don't forget you always have me to support you, if Teck Teck does a lousy job cheering you on.
Ganbatte!!!

Yours truly,
Pal

Another long entry? Long-winded? Nobody asked you to read this anyway. My blog means I can write whatever I like except for those things that hurt other people isn't it? You have the freedom to skip to the next blog so stop complaining that I am long-winded!!

This is specially dedicated to my pal, Wan Lee not you!

Count yourself lucky that I am letting you a peek at the World's First and Second Most Sought After Girls - Myself and Wan Lee. Hahahahhahaahaha!!!

LAST day of teaching

2007-06-08T21:15:00.000+08:00

I began my day with Soek Bing's sms. She told me not to cry in front of 4EB today; don't make parting difficult for them.

I succeeded. Till I saw Poh Leong's panda bear but I shedded tears of joy cos the panda is so CUTE!

Actually, I feel relaxed today. Don't ask why. I have no idea. But perhaps, I am ready for today. I heeded Mrs Tan's advice - I told my 30 darlings the 'bad' news on the last day of school. The moment that I let the words out and ended all speculation of rumours, I felt light-hearted. I no longer feel that I owe them an explanation because I hate to lie. Since the day I got accepted at the new job and decide to resign, I feel like I am just like an actress in front of everyone. I can't tell anyone because I do not want unnecessary disruptions. I had to pretend that everyday was another normal day and we will still meet again in Term 3 and 4 and I will see them till they enter the exam hall for the O levels exam.

Broadrick holds special meaning and stores precious memories of my growth. I had never dreamt that I will be a teacher when I was younger. The closest I was to students was when I gave private tuition during my university years to earn allowance for myself.

Why am I a teacher? It all started from Pauline's inspiring story of how she managed to befriend an Primary school boy and turn this naughty boy to a boy who will always happily tagged behind her after lessons. So, I went for the MOE interview. Got through the first interview of my entire life and was offered the job!

I ended up in Broadrick to do my 10 weeks practicum. It was a culture shock. I had to drag myself out of bed everyday, asking myself why I did not have a fever that day. Everyday in those 10 weeks was hell. I had never met Normal (Academic) students before and I was given 4 classes of them at one time. I had students who just threw their chairs and slammed the door and stormed out of classroom when teachers scold them.

Where is the respect for teachers???

After my experience with them, I told myself if I was to be given a second chance to start again, I won't never be so friendly and sunshine in front of a class for any first time I stepped into a class. It was a good strategy it seems, cos I believed my students will always remember their first day with me.. the strict and stern Physics teacher who can also be cute, friendly and approachable(*wink wink)

Why does the school hold a special place for me? I really grew up in this school, just like all of my students. I spent 3 years here. I came here a fresh graduate from NUS, with all the passionate dreams of wanting to help students, of wanting to change lives of the younger generation and really contribute back to the society. This dream proved to be too idealistic I realised, because not all students can be saved; many of them chose to give up their future even at such a young age. I tried to save as many starfish as possible but I can only save so many with my two hands. The job as a teacher was really tough. REALLY tough. It was even tougher than studying for exam!

I soon lost my personal time because I was struggling to stay ahead of schedule, think ahead and prepare all teaching materials, all on my own. I had to stay free from backstabbing from colleagues (yea, it happens in the staff room too) because I am always so blur and will always end up in trouble without myself knowing that I had ended in shit. I have to attend meaningless meetings, when all I want is to either go back to finish marking the endless stack of worksheets or go home to sleep. I can't go out during weekdays; I can't meet my friends because I was so drained of all energy after the many battles in the classroom in the day. Friday night was spent with bf eating dinner and Saturday and Sunday? Most of these two days was spent preparing work for the upcoming week. I always wonder am I the only one who is like slogging my life away? Why is it that I do not see other teachers all so stressed up like me? Is it something wrong with me? Am I inefficient? Was there something wrong with the way I do my work?

When I first started teaching, I had so much to talk about my students because they are the centre of my world. I talk to them more to my family and even my bf. I think I told too many silly stories of the students, my bf told me not to talk about them when we meet. Yea, I agree. I think I need to separate work from personal life.

While my friends who work in other professions talked about their work and other people they meet, I talk about my students. As days go by, I feel that I am lagging behind them. Adults have peer pressure too, yea. I feel that I need to break out of this shelf that had been protecting me these 3 years. Everyone treats me like a little girl and I have the good fortune to have a good HoD who always give me the freedom to explore and silently support me and cover my ass when I walked into shit-pit without knowing it. I feel old now. Tired of burning midnight oils, of burning up the weekends and holidays for the school. I feel I am suffering from malnutrition intellectually. I feel that I can't see my future. I feel I need to get out and breathe in what other people are doing in other industries.

The day I made the decision to leave teaching, I almost regret it immediately. More so after I know who is going to take over 4EB. I just can't stop worrying for my students. Miss Sin said they will be traumatised and I should finish the last lap with them. I tried to reconsider my decision. But I am scared that this new opportunity that sprang out of the thin air won't come along in a long time.

After today, I knew I made the right decision. Like what Desmond said, don't underestimate the resilience of your students. I knew I made the right decision to tell them earlier, at least we are all prepared for the farewell and will treasure the last few lessons together. I hope you had, because I did.

Teaching is a noble job. I am glad I was given the chance to be part of the noble team of educating and guiding the young people during their adolescent stage of life. I had been thinking the difference of what my new job scope and what I had been doing these 3 years. Teaching really give alot of meaning and satisfaction to one's life. It is really tiring, it drains u physically, emotionally and morally. But, all a teacher needs from any student is just those two words, Thank You. Sincerely. These two words had brought so much warmth and so much meaning to my life before. In teaching, these two simple words just have such deep meaning.

From the fun class of 4EB 2005, we have the Tan family comprising of Tan Pau Ling, Sean Tan, Tan Yi Sin, Louis Tan, Tan Liling.. our charming actor and singer Elias.. the forever going to toilet to do big business Wilford.. the artist Niki.. the royal family Shazana, Jane, Midori, Elissa, Jeanette, Niki.. my forver reliable and dependable Red Cross chairman Nadirah.. the weird but gentle Wira (the only one who remembers my birthday).. the bigger soccer team Ebrahim (top student 2005), Rajiv, Qing Yang, Elias, Laxman, Elbert.. the ballerina Charmaine.. the cute Farhani.. the cool and pretty Liling.. the shy and quiet Shu Hui.. the supporters of Ms Boey and Girl Guides Wan Shan and Yan Qi.. the animal lover Jenny (who is a good diver too).. the boy who shares the same birthday as me - Yuan Wei.. and last but not least the pillars of Chinese Orchestra Hui Juan and Huiping!!!

Yeah.. I remember all of them, with a little help from Nadirah.. hehe.. my first class in Broadrick.

Now my last class in Broadrick.. here goes..
From my perfectionist and KFC guy Kok Shen.. my cute and bubbly Alicia.. my cheerful and always make spelling mistake Chia Ming.. my King Kong Aidil.. my silent supporter who offers me consoling words of wisdom Daniel.. my A1s scorer who is always so quiet Guocong.. my latecomer and long thumb nails William.. my another latecomer who is a kind-hearted ah beng Say Yong aka Yong Yong (hehe).. my Jing Hao who is always 'I am very busy and I am broke' but has a credit card.. my silent and mature plus designer Fifi.. my loyal Red Cross cadet Samantha.. my always so hardworking Munisha.. my kind-hearted Chinese Orchestra chairman Liting.. my FOREVER trustworthy, reliable, neat and handsome Zhen Wei aka Lim Bo Seng ( he has all the good qualities a girl wants).. my athelete and little sunshine boy Wei Loong.. the financial minister who is both pretty and sociable Sabrina.. my gentle and beautiful Fang Ru.. my FOREVER supporter and always the first to spot my blues Mona.. my always-jump-with-fear-whenever-I-call-her Eng Jia.. my badminton crazy Malvin.. my another mature, capable role model and Red Cross Vice-Chairman Zhisheng.. my another artistic, sweet and caring girl Ziqian.. my friendly and Girl Guide leader Tee Li.. my best actress and emcee Kate.. my silent supporter who always does not hesitate to cheer me up with jokes and encouraging words Hongyao.. my great magician and optimistic Tan Liang.. my chubby famous latecomer but generous Hendra.. my out-spoken, active, cheerful and favourite (self-claimed) student Adam.. my Japanese anime crazy Yee Xien.. and of course, how can we forget my godson DaviP who likes to always end the sentence with MEH and SIAN...

Now that I think of it, I think I had really broke many hearts when I decide to move on. 4EB is always the BEST! 2005 or 2007..

Thanks for your undying support and love. You made my days in Broadrick brighter and I look forward to come to school now, although I always have to utter the same old sentence every morning "Put on your name tag and school badge'". I am sorry when I said you made me feel no warmth.. You see, I am so relaxed and at home when I come into class that I can't help to tell you my innermost feelings. You may not be able to understand my sadness and my worries for you, but I know you will pull through strong and emerge the champions and bring the school to glory even without me around. I was stern and strict and no smiles for you and you could be feeling like why is my form teacher nicer to other class. It is not true. I have high expectations of you and I worry that you are not working hard to meet my expectations. I get angry when you do not seem to be working to your maximum potential because you choose to play and become unfocused in your purpose. Maybe my going away will force you to grow up and be more independent. I pamper you too much. You even came into my dreams. I worry that you will be lost and no one will understand you or go to your rescue and cover your asses when you end up in trouble when I am not around.

Don't cry because we will meet again.

But like I said, you are strong and you will emerge as champions. We can, together, produce the top scorer, Broadrician of the Year, the most fun-loving class who knows when to play and work hard. YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE, this I promise you. For Miss Tan will always be here to support you and you will always take the first and most important seat.

Uncle's funeral

2007-06-03T23:35:00.000+08:00

My second uncle (mother's side) passed away last Saturday. I accompanied my mother to Malaysia to attend his funeral and to bid him the last farewell. Actually Er Jiu is my Godfather too, just that I never address him as one, I have no idea why. I only called my Godmother Mama and she too, had gone to Heavens many years ago.
The ironical thing is, I had planned to accompany my mother to visit her hometown and also my relatives this coming Saturday. We were all looking forward to this family-get-together. The last time I went back to Malaysia was 14 years ago??! I couldn't remember anymore. It turned out that Er Jiu's funeral become a family gathering for us! Funny isn't it? We, the Chinese, says family only gets together during weddings and funerals. How ironically true this saying can be.
Anyway, it is cool to meet up with my cousins, nephews and nieces from Malaysia. Everyone has grown up. Because of studies and then work, I could not accompany my mother to go visiting for hte past so many years till I felt that I am such an unfillial daughter. Her sisters have their children to accompany her to come Singapore to visit her but this daughter always give school as an excuse..

Anyway, the rural towns of Malaysia is just so relaxing. Food is good and cheap! If I had stayed longer, I would have really put on weight. The people are friendly and extremely accomodating too. Why? Cos my uncle's funeral wake was spread on the road between two rows of houses. The wake spanned over a length of 4 houses, I think. If this happened in Singapore, I have no idea how our friendly Singaporeans would have reacted. I mean, who likes to have a funeral wake just outside the gate. Plus, with all the gongs, drums and singing of rites, which started at 5pm till around 12midnight, how many times would Mr Policeman come to visit? 'Please, it is after 11pm. Lower your volume.'

And, the best part is this one!

On the way back, my mother and I thought, 'WOW! We are travelling on FIRST CLASS MASSAGE COACH ah!' It is like so cool, and we were experimenting with our massaging seat. Not to forget the TV showing Mr Bean's Holiday, which is actually quite new. Plus, we were on the upper deck of the coach. Excellent! For RM40+, I was travelling on a first class coach, makes me feel so excited.

I had dozed off watching Bean, cos he was really dumb and boring. Lame. I woke up when the coach suddenly came to a surprise brake. I was like, "What is that burning smell of rubber?" We were in the middle of the North-South Expressway lor! Damn it. Cars, oil-trucks and lorries zoomed past. I wondered why is it that everyone around me doesn't seemed to be bothered with the coach stopping in the middle of NOWHERE!! Even my mother went back to slumberland. Then someone came upstairs to tell us that the tyre was punctured.

Tell me what kind of luck do I have? Fancy a coach's tyre to be punctured in the middle of a pitch-dark expressway. I started to panick and recalled my Malaysia cousin saying that there are approximately 60 people who died in accidents in the N-S expressway everyday.. Then there were frequent reports of sleepy drivers who slammed into vehicles which stopped at road shoulders.

How can they sleep so soundly and take for granted that we are safe? The TV started to show a second movie by The Rock and the repair work took almost 2 hours to be done. I was wide awake for that entire period. The only one I talked to is my bf via sms..

Then the 'first class' coach drove off. It was then that I take out all my Physics knowledge. What the hell? The stupid class was bumping violently, like some mini roller coaster ride. The coach was definitely in an unstable equilibrium state. The centre of gravity was so high! There were easily 20 adults on the upper deck with only like less than 10 pple on the lower one. Wa!

Who is the stupid ass who designed this coach? The travel agency boss needs to attend Physics lesson lor!!

Never mind about the tyre. I was praying to all Gods to bring us safely to the first stop-over. At the first stop-over, the coach driver couldn't start the engine when we were all ready to go. What is this??!??! I was so full of helplessness and anger and I have no idea what else. The coach struggled another 1+hour or so this time. But at least, this time, we weren't on the road, we were still within the stop-over shelter and there were other coaches and most importantly, there were lamp-posts around.

By some twist of fate, the coach driver managed to ask another coach driver who was on the return back to Singapore to fetch some of us. I was like, "Mia tu liao, change bus!" That coach was from Grassland, the one that Kym Ng and Christopher Lee starred in. I felt so much safer on that one cos it simpler felt much more stable.

So, what is the lesson learnt here?

NEVER believe in FIRST CLASS coach. Nonsense. Massage coach? Nonsense. The bumping of the coach along the uneven roads had the same massaging effect. Don't be stupid enough to request for the upper deck for long journey coach. Why? Go ask your Physics teacher.

Curious little mind

2007-05-27T17:51:00.000+08:00

Hehe..

I have finally decided to do something about blog writing.. Well, this is a little confusing but here I am, a simple one for a simple me.

This is so interesting!!

Don't laugh at me - I am an easily satisfied person.

But why write in blog? I ever asked my students this question. They replied saying that this is a way for them to write down their thoughts and record down what they had done everyday. Gee, and I had read blogs of my students who REALLY jot down everything, ie. what they did from the moment they woke up, to where they had breakfast, lunch and dinner and what they eat, where they go and what they had talked to their friends.. wow! But that is boring cos I skipped many paragraphs of what they wrote, haha.

Why choose to write down your thoughts in a public domain? I mean, blog writing is diary writing isn't it? Isn't diary supposed to be something so sacred and private that you will scream and go hysterical when you find your diary missing or if you found that someone had ransacked your table and read your diary?

But I here I am.. I had chosen the public way of displaying my thoughts and my ideas. I think everyone is doing this because they want people to read what is going on in their lives? Don't shake your head so fast.. Just go to Google! and type in your name and search. I bet you can find your blog being featured. So, don't be angry when you found out that your mother, father, teacher, husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is reading your blog!!

The world is so sad now.. we are all hiding behind the computer screen and happily typing away, hoping that there is someone out there who empathise us and who can offer us kind words of consolation..

Which comes to my next question? Is the internet a bad thing or a good thing? We are so connected up by the cable lines, it no longer matters now if you are in Italy, USA or Singapore. I use msn to chat with my cousins in Malaysia. But are relationships really improving because of this connectivity between us and the rest of the world?

Think about it... food for thought..